Family Reunion
When Zac woke up in the morning, he knew immediately that the previous night hadn’t been just a bad dream. The smell of coffee already brewing was his first indication. Zac never had the presence of mind to set the timer on his coffee pot–like Carly always did–and so he never woke up to that wonderful scent anymore. He smiled and reveled in it as he stretched his arms, but then he remembered who was there and must be responsible for the brewing coffee.
If he could have stayed hidden in his bedroom all day, he would have, but Zac knew that wasn’t feasible. His professors were already clearly getting tired of his depressive state, and while he didn’t relish their stares in class, it was better than not showing up and giving them more reason to be convinced he wasn’t worthy of the program. Even if he half-assed all of his work, he could at least show up and plant his ass in a desk chair for a few hours. To do that, he had to leave his room and face his brother.
Sure enough, Taylor was sitting at the kitchen table cradling a mug of coffee in his hands and blowing on the steam trailing up out of it. His eyes were cloudy and distant, and perhaps just a little bit puffy as though he’d spent the night doing more crying than sleeping. Zac was sure he looked the same.
“Do you have class today?” Taylor asked, his eyes not focusing on Zac but instead staring off at some point just to his left.
“Yeah,” Zac replied. His voice was hoarse and gravelly, as though he had spent the night screaming. Only on the inside, he supposed, but he still felt drained. “Not until this afternoon.”
Taylor finally let his eyes fall on Zac, and Zac wished that he hadn’t. “So can we talk? If you don’t have to be anywhere right away.”
“I don’t know what else we have to talk about,” Zac replied, his voice not as harsh as the sentiment behind them, and Taylor still flinched as though he had been slapped.
“There’s plenty to talk about,” Taylor said softly, his tone betraying the confidence and conviction in his words. “I don’t just mean about… you know. But it’s been eight years, Zac. You can’t dismiss that like it’s nothing because of one mistake that I swear to you I would take back if I could.”
Zac didn’t know how to respond to that. Instead, he turned his back to Taylor and poured himself a cup of coffee. Of course, there were a million questions running through his mind, but few he was ready to ask and hear the answer to. There was one that kept nagging him, though. He spun back around and sat down at the table, directly opposite Taylor.
“How long did you know?” Zac asked. “I mean, when did you realize it was me?”
Taylor shook his head, like he didn’t even want to think about the moment realization had hit him. “Not until I drove you home. There was a moment before that when I looked into your eyes and there was something… some weird twinge. But it was so faint, and I thought there was no way. I mean, you couldn’t be gay. No way. So the idea that it really could have been you, been my Zac, seemed ridiculous. And anyway, even that wasn’t until we had—until it had already happened. But I didn’t know for sure until I drove you home and helped you into bed. And you’ve got that picture of us on your bedroom wall, from my high school graduation? I had never seen that picture before. But I recognized myself, of course. And that was when I knew. Not before. I promise.”
Zac nodded. That was one question answered, and it was the only question about that he had any desire to ask, at least for the present. He took a long sip of his coffee, then asked, “So you get kicked out of your apartment and this is the first place you come?”
“No,” Taylor replied. “It wasn’t. Because I didn’t know how to do deal with… all of that. It was my last resort, I’ll be honest. But everyone else blew me off. I mean, I know some of them truly don’t have the room. I’m not mad. And it’s not like I know very many people here, anyway. A few people from the club and my coworkers. Not anyone I really trust, anyone I thought I could count on.”
“And you thought you could count on me?”
Taylor shook his head. “No. I really didn’t. Not after… I know you were young, Zac. But it would have been nice to have felt like I had somebody in my corner. Hell, for all I knew, you hated me as much as they did, for something I can’t even change. And wouldn’t, even if I could. I was wrong about that, at least.”
Zac wanted to scream at Taylor that he was wrong about a lot of things, but he couldn’t even manage a faint squeak.
“Anyway, if you want me to leave, I’ll understand,” Taylor replied. “I have to leave for work soon, so I couldn’t be packed and out of here until after my shift, but—“
“No,” Zac cut him off. “No. I mean, you can stay. I can’t—you can’t sleep in your car. You can stay.”
Taylor looked surprised, but he nodded and the faintest of smiles crossed his lips. “Thank you. Seriously, Zac. I know I don’t deserve that. So thanks. I’ll do everything I can to earn my keep. When will you be back from class? I’ll make dinner.”
“You don’t have to—” Zac began, but sighed. He might not have seen Taylor in years, but he recognized the look of determination on his brother’s face. “I’ll probably stop by the library after class, so I doubt I’ll be back here before six or seven.”
“That’s perfect,” Taylor replied.
“Yeah,” Zac mumbled, standing up and pouring his unfinished, now lukewarm, coffee into the sink. He spun back around to look at Taylor again. “I’ll see you later, I guess.”
He didn’t give Taylor a chance to respond to that before scurrying out of the room. By the time he had showered, dressed and walked back out into the living room, Taylor was gone, presumably to his job, wherever that was. He was in over his head. Zac knew that. But now that he had agreed to let Taylor stay, he couldn’t see a way out.
Zac only had one class that day, and he was thankful for that, because he couldn’t even manage to focus for the length of one lecture. Once it was over and he staggered out of the classroom, he had absolutely no idea what the professor had even talked about the whole time.
All he could think about was Taylor.
He shuffled into the library without giving much thought to where he was going. Mostly, he just wanted to stay on campus and prolong the inevitable—that is, seeing Taylor again. But going into the library meant potentially seeing Melissa, and after their strange date, he had no clue what to think of her at all.
He was dismayed to find his usual study room taken. Not only that, but the entire row of them appeared to be occupied. Zac wandered away, dazed, and tried to at least locate a corral he could plant his laptop in and get a little work done now that he had a vague idea of where to go with his thesis. Most of those appeared to be taken, as well, and he was left wandering aimlessly, determined not to go back to his apartment for as long as he could avoid it.
“Zac?” A female voice called out, and he turned to see Melissa wheeling a cart of books out of the stacks. “It’s good to see you again… so soon.”
He nodded, surprised at her loud tone in what was supposed to be the quiet study area. But then, nearly everything about her true personality had surprised him. Finally, he found his voice and replied, “Yeah, hey. I was just gonna try to get some work done, but it looks like the rest of campus had the same idea.”
Melissa giggled softly. “Well, why don’t you help me shelve some books while you wait for an open room?”
“Yeah,” Zac squeaked out. “Okay.”
The two of them worked silently, side by side, shelving books about Russian history for a while before Melissa finally cleared her throat and spoke again. “So, is everything okay? I hope our date wasn’t that horrible, but you seem a little down today. Sorry if I’m being nosy.”
“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you,” Zac replied.
Melissa leaned against the shelf and grinned. “Try me.”
“My brother,” Zac began, already feeling breathless. He knew, of course, that he couldn’t tell Melissa the entire story. He couldn’t tell anybody that. “He, umm… he found me. I guess we had crossed paths and I didn’t realize it, so when he needed a place to crash… he found me.”
“Well, that’s… that’s a good thing, isn’t it?” Melissa asked. “It was pretty clear how much you missed him. So what’s wrong now?”
Zac shrugged. “It’s just… not really how I expected it to happen. Not that I really had any expectations, because I couldn’t imagine it ever really happening at all. But it was just… different.”
“So? I’m sure you’ve changed, too. So what does it matter that your brother—Taylor, right—has changed, too? So it wasn’t the big, tearful reunion you had in mind. Of course it’s going to be awkward and weird after so many years apart. But it’s time to stop dwelling on that and just move forward, together.”
“What if I don’t know how to do that?” Zac asked softly, his voice barely more than a hoarse whisper. “What if we’ve changed too much?”
Melissa stared Zac down, and Zac got the distinct feeling that she thought he was an idiot. If she only knew. “So it might take a little longer to learn each other again. He’s still your brother, and you’re still his. You have memories together. Those didn’t change or go away, did they? You can focus on those, just not, you know, the reason why they stopped. As much as you missed him… as much as you obviously loved him when you told me about him… you’ll figure this out.”
“I think you have too much faith in me,” Zac replied, but he could feel himself smirking in spite of the black cloud that had lingered over him all day.
Melissa gave him a gentle nudge. “Or maybe you don’t have enough faith in yourself.”
“Yeah,” he replied. “Maybe. I hope it’s as simple as you said, but… I don’t know.”
“Whether it’s simple or not doesn’t really change that you’ve gotta get through it, does it?” Melissa asked.
“You have no idea how right you are,” Zac mumbled, picking up a large volume on World War II.
Melissa nudged him again, perhaps a bit too harshly, nearly sending him flying into the bookshelf. “That’s the spirit. Now let’s get these books shelved so I can go home to my cats and you can get back to your family reunion.”
In spite of himself, Zac laughed. And he laughed even more as they worked together to empty Melissa’s book cart. She was an odd character, of that he was certain. Now that he’d opened himself up to her, she had opened to him, too. And while she was just as awkward as he’d thought, she wasn’t shy at all and she wasn’t slow to embrace him as a friend. He had a feeling he was going to need a willing, open-minded friend to get him through what she had dubbed his “family reunion.”