Love
After Taylor filed the order of protection, things seemed to go back to some semblance of normal. Zac wasn’t even sure what normal was anymore, but this seemed to be the first time in weeks, if not months, that he’d operated on a regular schedule and didn’t feel like something was strangling him or lurking around the next corner.
He seemed to have proven himself at work, and that meant he had a little more freedom. Being one of the biggest Lego fans at the store helped him to stand out, he supposed; seeing a kid’s eyes light up when they found what they were looking for, getting to share ideas with them–it all helped him to open up more than he knew he was capable of and feel like maybe he wasn’t an utter failure.
It also led to his managers noticing and asking him to take on a lot of the decorating duties. Decorating, at the Lego store, meant building display sets. It was a great and fun way to pass the time; Zac barely noticed how many hours he spent working on intricate designs.
A careful replica of Isengard occupied his mind so much one day that he almost forgot what time he got off work. It wasn’t until Aliya stood in front of him, tapping her wrist, that he took the hint.
He still wasn’t entirely sure what to think of her, but she seemed nice enough, if a bit confused about his life and sexuality. It was probably best to leave her in the dark, Zac decided. She was most likely harmless, and anyway, he had bigger problems.
Zac’s shift ended an hour earlier than Taylor’s, but they had carpooled to work together anyway. Ever since that night, they had done so when their schedules were close enough to lining up. It wasn’t a spoken decision; it was just a habit they fell into naturally. It made Zac feel like he was doing something to protect Taylor, even if it probably didn’t matter in the long run.
When Zac rounded the corner near the Sephora, he was struck with deja vu. It took him far too long to realized that the man standing next to Taylor was mall security. That didn’t make him feel much better. He sped up, noticing the way Taylor’s arms were wrapped protectively around his chest.
“What’s going on?” Zac asked, not caring that he was interrupting.
“He was here,” Taylor said. “He didn’t come in, but he was here.”
“And he’s been reminded that that’s close enough,” the officer said. “If anything happens again, we’ll get the cops involved.”
The real cops, Zac thought to himself. The mall cops were practically useless, if all they had done was escort him outside and make some vague warning that likely wouldn’t make a bit of difference to someone like Devin.
Taylor mumbled a vague thank you to the officer. Zac waited until he had walked away to ask, “Do you still have to go back to work?”
“No,” Taylor replied. “Janna said I could leave early, and she’s going to look the other way. She’s the one who called security. I couldn’t—I couldn’t even move. God, I fucking hate this.”
Zac didn’t know what to say. It felt like there was nothing they could do, that they would never be safe. Yet Taylor had been right—taking any sort of legal action was risky in other ways. Not knowing what else to say, he simply asked, “Are you ready to go home?”
“Yeah,” Taylor replied, his shoulders dropping as though all of the tension had been released from them at just that one simple word–home.
Zac put a hand on Taylor’s shoulder and gave him a smile. He led the way to the employee parking lot. Neither of them spoke while they drove home; Zac turned the radio up loud to drown out the silence. It helped fill his mind so that he wasn’t dwelling on all the terrible things he wanted to do to Devin—and the things he feared Devin might do to Taylor if given the chance.
They had barely made it inside the apartment when Taylor pounced upon Zac, pinning him against the door.
“I really hate to—to ask this,” Zac breathed out, turning his head away from Taylor’s kiss. “Are you doing this just because you’re upset?”
“Not just,” Taylor admitted, kissing Zac’s jawline. “But I need you. I’m scared and I’m hurt and I just need to be with someone who genuinely loves me. I need to turn off my brain for a while and just lose myself in you. Can you just give me that?”
Zac nodded. “When you put it that way, of course I can. Just… maybe in the bedroom?”
Taylor chuckled, then grabbed Zac’s hand and yanked him down the hallway. Zac knew that falling into bed together probably wasn’t the healthiest reaction to dealing with a stalker, but he also knew that he really didn’t care. Not when Taylor was sprawled across his bed like that, pulling him down on top of him. Not when Taylor looked at him that way.
Zac wedged a knee between Taylor’s legs, then trailed kisses down his neck. He gently nudged Taylor’s shirt upward until Taylor got the hint and pulled it over his head. There were bruises on his shoulders that Zac hadn’t even seen, deep purple indents in the shape and placement of fingerprints. It made Zac’s blood boil, but he knew the last thing Taylor needed right then was to see his anger. Instead, he leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss to each bruise, as though that could somehow erase each mark and heal all of the hurt.
“Please, Zac,” Taylor breathed out, his voice as relaxed as Zac had heard in weeks. Zac didn’t know exactly what he wanted or needed, but he was willing to give him whatever it was.
“What is it?” Zac asked. “What do you need?”
“Just… you. All of you. Need to feel you.”
Zac nodded. He pulled back just enough to wiggle out of his jeans, then leaned in to unbutton Taylor’s. Taylor placed a hand on his chest and shook his head.
“All of you, I said,” Taylor repeated, snaking his hand under Zac’s shirt and nudging it upward.
Zac took the hint. He pulled his shirt over his head, then wiggled his way out of his boxers. His hands were back on Taylor’s pants, like they were drawn by a magnet. It had been so long and he was so nervous; it took both of them working together to get Taylor undressed.
When they were both finally naked, all Zac could do was lay there and pant. He stared down at Taylor, wondering in awe how he could be so lucky to be wanted by someone so gorgeous.
“You’re beautiful,” Taylor said, as if he had read Zac’s mind. He ran a hand gently across Zac’s cheek, and Zac found that he actually did believe the words Taylor had said.
Not knowing what else to say or do, Zac leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to Taylor’s lips. Taylor quickly deepened it, his hands resting on either side of Zac’s face. Zac danced his fingers down Taylor’s side, slowly and carefully finding his way to his final destination—the hard-on Taylor was already sporting.
Taylor moaned into his mouth as Zac began to stroke his length, and the sound reverberated through his entire body. If Taylor did that again, he wasn’t sure he was going to last long enough to make this worth either of their time.
“I need to—I don’t have any,” Zac stuttered out. He knew there was lube somewhere, but he couldn’t think enough to remember where.
Taylor shook his head. “it’s fine. Just don’t stop.”
“I don’t want to hurt you,” Zac replied. They had done it with little prep before, but it didn’t feel right this time, not after everything.
“I’ll be fine,” Taylor said firmly, and though he was still worried, Zac believed him.
The truth was, he would do whatever Taylor asked of him. Everything short of leave him alone.
“Here,” Taylor said, taking Zac’s hand in his and raising it to his own lips. Zac watched in awe as Taylor sucked two fingers into his mouth, his eyelids fluttering shut. His motions mimicked what he had done to another part of Zac’s body, and the memory made him shake. He wasn’t going to last. There was no way he was going to last, and he was going to ruin it all for Taylor.
Zac took a deep breath, closed his eyes, then breathed out slowly. He gave Taylor a nod and said, “Okay.”
Taylor returned his nod. He spread his legs, pulling them up slightly at the knees. He was going to make this as easy as possible for him, Zac supposed—for both of them. Zac sat back, giving himself as full a view of his brother as possible. He wanted to see it all, to perceive every small motion and reaction to what he was about to do.
He used only one finger at first, watching the slight wince that he could tell Taylor was trying to hide. It passed quickly, Taylor’s body still giving him resistance, though his face said pain was giving way to pleasure. His soft, breathy moans made that obvious enough.
Cautiously, Zac added a second finger. Taylor pulled his knees up further, biting his bottom lip so hard that Zac was afraid he would draw blood. The injury had just healed, leaving behind a faint scar. Zac leaned in and kissed him, hoping to stop him from re-injuring himself. He needed Taylor to know that he was safe now, protected, loved.
He needed to show Taylor his love.
“Please, now,” Taylor breathed out against Zac’s mouth. “Please. I need you now.”
Zac nodded, nut trusting himself to speak at all.
Slowly, he pulled his fingers back. He braced himself on one shaky arm, his other hand wrapping around his own dick to guide it toward Taylor’s entrance. The warmth that enveloped him was like coming home. He felt as surrounded and protected as he hoped to make Taylor feel.
After so long, Zac had thought that being with Taylor again would be primal, sexual, lust-filled. It was almost the exact opposite—the slowest, most sensual experience they had shared. Zac moved slowly, letting himself feel every little thing, every small, involuntary movement of Taylor’s body.
It felt like hours and only minutes at the same time, until he felt himself drawing nearer to the edge, his anchor sweeping him under at the same time. Taylor wrapped a hand around his own dick, stroking lazily but intently. He stared up into Zac’s eyes, never breaking their gaze, as he came, warm come spilling on both of their stomachs.
That was it. Zac toppled over the edge, his orgasm long and powerful, leaving him so drained that he collapsed against Taylor’s chest, still buried deep inside of him.
“I love you so much,” Zac breathed out, barely recognizing his own voice.
“I love you too,” Taylor replied, “but I can’t breathe.”
He gave Zac a gentle poke in the side to punctuate his statement, and Zac let out a weak giggle. With shaking arms, he pulled himself off Taylor and rolled onto his back. Idly, he ran a hand through the sticky come on his stomach, bringing his hand up to his mouth to lick it clean.
As he sucked on his finger, a terrible thought came to mind. Had Taylor and… he couldn’t even finish the thought, and he certainly couldn’t say it.
“Only you,” Taylor replied, as though he had read Zac’s mind. “I need you to know that. I didn’t sleep with him. Or anyone else. I know you thought I—but I didn’t. I couldn’t. I tried, but I just couldn’t.”
Zac decided that he didn’t need to know what was involved in that trying. All he needed to know was that he had Taylor all to himself, now and always.
After a moment, Zac managed to say, “It doesn’t matter. You’re here. I’m here. Nobody is getting in the middle of this, ever again.”
Zac grabbed Taylor’s hand and kissed each of his knuckles. Taylor gave him such a sweet smile, that he had to ruin the moment; he pretended to nibble on Taylor’s pinky finger.
“Just you and me,” Taylor repeated. He kissed Zac’s hand, then pulled himself from the bed with a soft groan.
Zac watched Taylor walk out of the room, listened to the sound of his feet on the bathroom tile, imagining each of his movements until finally he returned.
He scooted to the side to allow Taylor to law back down next to him. He waited until Taylor had settled in to say, “There is just one thing, though. One more question. You don’t have to answer it.”
“Ask it,” Taylor said softly.
“When he said—when Devin said that you were obsessed with your little brother. What did he mean?”
Taylor stared at Zac. “I never wanted to be without you. Maybe it seems like I did, like I didn’t try to search for you the way you did me. And I didn’t—because I didn’t know how you felt. But when I came to Austin, something about being back in this part of the country, it made me wonder. It made me think about you again. So I did start looking, and it drove Devin insane. He didn’t understand why I needed you back, and I guess I never could explain it, either.”
“Can you explain it now?” Zac asked.
“Well, now I can,” Taylor replied. “I told you, I never thought of you that way before. Not when we were kids or teenagers. Never. But I loved you. I loved you so much. I never cared if our parents approved of me; I only wanted your love and approval, and never having that… never knowing that I had that… was the biggest hole my life could possibly have.”
“You have it,” Zac said. “You’ve always had it, and you always will.”
There was no doubt in his mind that what he said was true, and the look on Taylor’s face said that he believed it, too. That was enough for Zac.