Date Night
Zac knew he should have been happy to be spending the night in with Taylor, having what might as well have been a date night. Neither one of them had called it that, but Zac wasn’t sure how else to classify dinner and a movie.
Still, there was a distance between their bodies on the couch and a nagging voice at the back of Zac’s mind, telling him that something was wrong.
He couldn’t have begun to guess what. Maybe it was his own fault. He had, after all, been the one to ask for them to go on a break, to take some time and put some space between them. Yet, almost as soon as he had asked for it, he had wanted to take it back. Deep down, he knew that he had jumped into a new relationship far too soon after the breakup with Carly, which had only been months ago, even though it seemed like years. The fact that his new relationship was with his own older brother only complicated matters further. Taking a break to be sure that they both agreed this was the right thing, that it was really what they wanted, was truly a good idea, regardless of how it felt.
But it certainly did not feel good.
All of the troubled, tangled thoughts swirling around his mind, combined with all the effort he’d put into working his first shift at the Lego store meant that Zac was utterly exhausted. He had operated on autopilot for so long that he didn’t even realize his own condition until he found himself struggling to hold his eyes open only twenty minutes into the movie. He blinked repeatedly, determined not to let Taylor notice and call an early end to their not-a-date.
At what point he actually fell asleep, he didn’t know.
When he woke, he realized he had managed to curl up in Taylor’s lap, and Taylor’s hand was absent-mindedly stroking his hair. The movie had ended; the nightly news was playing. Taylor seemed absolutely enthralled with it, yet his hand continued its steady movements.
Zac did not want to move a single inch or do anything that could possibly alert Taylor to the fact that he was awake. He closed his eyes and tried to even out his breathing. He did not want to actually fall asleep again either; he wanted to stay in this moment. This was the closest they had been in—well, Zac couldn’t really remember. All he knew for certain was that he wanted this moment to last forever. As long as it continued, he could pretend that everything between them was back to normal. He knew normal wasn’t the right word, but if things could just go back to how they had been, briefly…
Zac wanted nothing more than to be able to pretend that all was okay.
Of course, the universe couldn’t let him have even that one little thing. He felt the sneeze coming, and he tried to hold his breath, even pray, to stop it. But it was no good. He sneezed so suddenly and loudly that Taylor jumped, yanking his hair.
“Shit!” Taylor yelped. “I’m sorry—are you okay?”
“I should ask you the same thing,” Zac replied, rolling over to look up at his brother. Even from that angle, Taylor was beautiful, he thought.
Taylor chuckled. “I’m fine. But you missed almost the entire movie.”
“Why didn’t you wake me up?” Zac asked softly.
“You looked so sweet,” Taylor replied. “I couldn’t disturb something that adorable.”
“Adorable?” Zac repeated, unable to stop himself. He knew he was crossing a line, but he could not stop himself.
“You heard me,” Taylor replied. There was the faintest hint of a smirk on his lips.
That smirk gave Zac a burst of foolish confidence. He grasped Taylor’s shirt and pulled him down, crushing their lips together. Taylor tasted of soy sauce from their Chinese takeout, but Zac didn’t mind. As long as it was Taylor, Zac would love it. He didn’t think there was anything his brother could do that would truly turn him off or push him away for good. He would always want more; he wasn’t sure he would live long enough to get as much Taylor as he needed.
This was the sort of co-dependence that should have worried him, but Zac found it was easier to give in than to analyze it. And right then, all he wanted was to give in—and for Taylor to give right back.
And he did.
Taylor let his mouth fall open, giving Zac’s tongue the access he desired. In a surprisingly smooth move, Taylor swapped their positions so that both were lying down and he was on top of Zac. After so long, it was almost too much; Zac had to pull away to catch his breath.
“Taylor, I—” Zac breathed out, having no clue how he intended to finish that sentence.
“Yeah?” Taylor asked. Then again, Zac wasn’t so sure it was a question at all. If it was, it was one that Taylor already knew the answer to.
All Zac could do in response was angle his hips upward, jeans brushing against jeans and satisfying exactly none of his need.
Instead of giving him what he needed, Taylor pressed his lips to Zac’s jaw, leaving a line of feather light kisses sprinkled across it. When he moved on to Zac’s neck, he couldn’t stop himself from moaning and rolling his hips upward again. If Taylor was simply going to tease him, this wasn’t going to work. Zac hoped that wasn’t the case; he didn’t think he could handle being denied more. After everything… if Taylor denied him this, he was afraid they would not be able to come back from it.
Finally, when Zac thought he could wait no longer, Taylor’s hand slid between their bodies and popped the button on his jeans. That small motion was like opening the floodgates; in a matter of seconds, both had shed their pants, leaving only thin boxers between them. Zac idly wondered if Taylor ever wore the panties when he wasn’t otherwise in drag, but he figured it wasn’t the right time to ask.
Instead, he simply snaked his hand between them and rubbed Taylor through his boxers. He was only half-hard, but it took just a few strokes to bring him to his full length. Zac was already there with no assistance whatsoever, and feeling both of their erections pressed together, even with two layers of cotton in between, was almost enough to make Zac come right then and there.
Taylor let out a soft moan, almost more of a whimper. It was too much. This was all too much, yet just enough. Maybe it didn’t matter—maybe Zac would not survive even if he did get exactly what he wanted.
He crushed their lips together again, wanting to drown in Taylor, and at the same time feeling anchored by him. The contradictions built into their very existence made his head spin as much as the feeling of their hips rolling together did. They moved in perfect sync, not even needing to use their hands to bring each other closer and closer to the edge.
How could Taylor not see that they were perfect? How could Taylor want to continue this farce, this ridiculous notion of taking a break?
If they could just stay in this moment forever…
But once again, Zac’s wish came too late. He felt himself growing closer and closer to the edge, and though he wanted this to last, there was little he could do. As his breathing grew shakier, he felt Taylor’s hand snake into his boxers and wrap around his dick. That one little touch was enough—he went tumbling over the edge, feeling like he would never hit bottom.
When he floated back down to earth, he realized Taylor was still hard. Zac scrambled to rearrange their bodies again, falling to his knees on the carpet and leaving Taylor sitting on the couch. He descended upon him, shoving Taylor’s boxers down. His tongue eagerly lapped at the come already dripping from Taylor’s cock. In one fairly smooth movement, he took Taylor’s entire length into his mouth, causing Taylor to let out a moan that reverberated all the way down to Zac’s toes.
“Zac, I’m—” Taylor croaked out, a hand coming to rest on Zac’s hair as if to finish his sentence.
Zac did not pull away. He let out a soft moan of his own, and that seemed to do the trick. Taylor’s hips bucked upward as he came, and Zac swallowed every warm drop, savoring the taste. Like every other part of his brother, it was perfect.
He did not pull away until he felt Taylor’s entire body go limp. When he did, he was panting, unable to think of a single thing to say. Something needed to be said, anything at all.
“I’m going to bed,” Taylor said.
Okay, maybe not that, Zac thought.
After everything, he had somehow expected more. Something deep and emotional. Something to reflect the serious line they had crossed, ignoring the boundaries of their own making. He stared up at Taylor, looking for something more in his face, and found nothing.
“Okay,” Zac finally replied.
Zac remained in the floor as Taylor stood up and walked away. He watched him go, willing himself to speak, to say anything at all that would stop Taylor in his tracks. But no words came. The sound of the bedroom door shutting was as loud as a gunshot, and Zac’s only consolation was that it was his bedroom, not the guest room.
Since their decision to take some time, Taylor had exclusively slept on the couch or in the guest room, on the stupid air mattress Zac had never bothered to replace with a real bed. Sometimes Zac slept on the couch, if he beat Taylor to it, but Taylor had still fastidiously avoided Zac’s bedroom.
But not tonight.
It was that which gave Zac the strength to pull himself from the floor. So as not to appear too eager to join Taylor, he went to the bathroom first. He couldn’t look himself in the mirror as he stripped off the rest of his clothes and stepped into the shower. It felt wrong, in a way, to wash away what he and Taylor had just done.
Zac knew, deep down, that this was not the turning point he had been hoping for. It had not fixed anything between them; if anything, it had only made things more complicated. Still, it had sated his appetite, if only briefly, and he couldn’t be upset about that.
His shower was short, and he barely took the time to towel dry his hair before grabbing a pair of boxers from the clean laundry he had been too lazy to put away the day before. It wasn’t until he had pulled them on that he realized they were Taylor’s. Of course they were; Zac had never owned anything silk, certainly not underwear.
He probably should have changed. He didn’t.
As quietly as he could manage, Zac made his way into the bedroom. Taylor’s back was to him, his body almost all the way against the wall and curled in upon itself. That wasn’t a good sign at all, Zac thought. He wished he could disappear, but it was too late. He climbed onto the bed gingerly, leaving plenty of room between their two bodies.
The distance between them was still there—physically and metaphorically—in spite of what they had done. Zac did not know what it would take to bridge it.