Everything About You
The day after the gallery opening, Zac did something rash.
He knew it was a bad choice, but he couldn’t stop himself. All he could think about was the fact that he was now, technically, a working artist. The gallery hadn’t been in touch with him yet, but he decided that he needed to be ready. He still had several sketches and paintings in progress; he could finish a few of them easily and have something the gallery would hopefully want.
And so, Zac skipped all his classes. He picked up a large coffee and bagel and headed straight to the art studio, determined to work all day on his paintings.
He worked all the way through lunch, hardly even noticing that time had passed until it was nearly too late. He decided to grab another coffee and keep going; if he stayed on campus until dinner, then perhaps Taylor wouldn’t even realize he had skipped classes. Somehow, he was more concerned with disappointing Taylor than disappointing his professors.
Then again, Taylor had mad it pretty clear that he didn’t understand why Zac was in grad school at all. Zac had to admit that he wasn’t so sure either.
Finally, hours and several paintings later, Zac decided it was time to head home. He put his supplies away carefully, then headed back to where he had parked his car. He was just about to unlock it when he heard someone call out his name.
Drew.
Zac spun around to face him, forcing as much of a smile as he could manage. Drew seemed to be doing much the same, his hands in his pockets as he walked toward Zac.
“Hey, I, umm,” Drew began, then cleared his throat. “I just wanted to say congrats. On the whole art thing. I didn’t really get a chance last night—before, umm, before you ran off.”
“Yeah, sorry about that,” Zac replied, glancing down at the pavement.
“About that,” Drew said. “I mean, I just—this Jordan guy? He’s not—well, he’s the guy from the club isn’t he?”
For a brief moment, Zac considered lying. But he liked Drew; he’d considered him his best friend for a long time. They had been roommates before Zac moved in with Carly. He had, at one point, known Zac better than just about anybody in the world. Zac found that he just couldn’t lie to him. Instead, he nodded his head, his hair falling over his eyes as he did so.
“I thought so,” Drew replied softly. “I don’t… I mean, is he… he’s just your roommate, right?”
Zac could tell that Drew was trying to give him an out, an escape clause. A way to try to deny the reality that was right in front of them. Zac knew he should have been grateful for that opportunity and should have taken it.
And yet he couldn’t.
“No, he’s—I mean, we haven’t put a label on it.” It wasn’t entirely the truth. It also wasn’t a lie, either.
Drew nodded, taking a few steps backward. They felt like a slap in the face to Zac.
He wanted to say something, anything to try to lessen the blow. To try to take it back and tell Drew that, no, he wasn’t really dating a man. He had just misunderstood the question. He wasn’t gay. It wasn’t like that at all.
But it was like that, and Zac knew it would do him no good to deny it. No more than the damage it had done to admit it… he hoped.
Drew cleared his throat. “I just—I mean, I’m glad you told me. I don’t know what to think, but… well, I really don’t know what Shaun will think.”
“Don’t tell him. Please don’t tell him.” Zac blurted out without everything thinking. He realized that he had known, subconsciously, that Shaun would be the one to disapprove, while Drew just might be more accepting. He always had been, hadn’t he? Zac should have known he could open up to Drew the way he had Melissa, and it made him feel guilty that he hadn’t.
“No, of course not,” Drew said. “You should talk to him, though. I mean, he’s bound to figure it out or hear something from somebody, you know? It’ll be better if it comes from you, I think. Anyway, I just—I just wanted to ask. So yeah, thanks for telling me, and sorry if it wasn’t really any of my business.”
Zac shrugged. “It’s not exactly how I meant for anybody to find out. I mean, I don’t even know what there is to find out—it’s just. It’s just a thing that happened and we’re both kinda rolling with it, you know?”
Drew nodded. “Yeah, that makes sense. I guess. As much as anything does. I mean, no offense, but he seems a hell of a lot better for you than Carly was.”
“A massive heart attack would be better for me than Carly was,” Zac said, surprising himself with his callous tone and the way he laughed after he said it. He wasn’t even offended that Drew laughed, too.
“Well, anyway, glad we talked,” Drew said, rubbing his mouth with his hand as though it would stop his laughter. “I’ll see you around, alright? Try not to be a stranger.”
“I’ll try,” Zac replied weakly, knowing that this one conversation likely wouldn’t change a single thing about his behavior. He was pretty sure Drew knew that too, but he appreciated the thought anyway.
The two said an awkward goodbye, dancing around each other as much as they had the subject at hand. Once Drew had finally turned and walked away, Zac climbed into his car, practically collapsing into the seat. He wasn’t sure if that conversation had taken a weight of his shoulders or not. Perhaps it had only replaced one weight with another.
Figuring Taylor would be home from work by then, Zac put his car in drive and headed back to their apartment. It took him a moment to realize he had thought of it as theirs, but he supposed that it was. It was perhaps a little strange just how quickly this had become his new normal, but Zac knew he wouldn’t change it for anything.
Sure enough, just a few minutes later, when he opened the apartment door, the scent of hamburgers hit him immediately. He idly wondered if Taylor would ever get tired of cooking for him, and then immediately hoped that he never would.
“Oh, hey,” Taylor said, smiling up at Zac from the kitchen table. “How was your day?”
“A little strange. But not bad.” Zac smiled and shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. What about you?”
Taylor shook his head as well. “Go put your bag down and get changed. And brace yourself, because I have another big favor to ask.”
“Does it involve me in makeup again?” Zac grinned.
“Probably not,” Taylor replied, giving Zac a grin of his own.
“That better be a promise,” Zac replied, then hurried out of the room before Taylor could say otherwise.
He tossed his bag down on his bed and changed into a pair of sweatpants. There was a big smudge of paint on his jeans that he hadn’t noticed, and he hoped Taylor hadn’t noticed it either. He plugged his phone into the charger by the bed, then shuffled back to the kitchen.
“Alright, spill it,” Zac said, plopping down in a chair in front of the burger Taylor had already laid out for him exactly the way he liked it. Taylor was definitely trying to butter him up and he didn’t mind at all.
“Okay,” Taylor said, then took a deep breath. “Well, there’s this big convention thing in Fort Worth next week. And a rep from it was at the fashion show. Plus, he’s seen my portfolio. Long story short, they want me there to do some of the demonstrations. It’s like three days, and a ton of work, but it’s going to pay pretty well. But the thing is—and I know it’s not that long of a drive or anything—I was hoping you’d come with me. The hotel rooms are not cheap on this short notice, so I was thinking…”
“Because I’m the big rich working artist now,” Zac quipped then popped a french fry in his mouth.
Taylor rolled his eyes. “Well, no. I mean, yeah, in a way. But mostly I just thought it would be a good chance for us to get away. I know you’d have to miss a few classes, but I think it would be good for you, especially, to take a little bit of a break.”
“It might be,” Zac replied. “You know, the deadline to register for summer classes is next week.”
“What does that have to do with anything?” Taylor asked.
“I don’t think I’m taking any. I decided—today, actually. Just now. I really do need a break.”
Taylor gave Zac a big grin. “I think—I think that will be really good for you, Zac. What are you going to do all summer, though?”
“I don’t know,” he replied honestly. “I usually pick up a few odd jobs from some of my professors. I actually did some house painting last summer, of all things.”
“Maybe you can do some real painting this summer,” Taylor replied. “Or who knows, maybe this convention will get you interested in the kind of stuff I do.”
“I don’t think I’m going to be a makeup artist,” Zac shot back.
“Hey, some of the special effects stuff is pretty neat,” Taylor said. “I bet you’d like it. And your blending on that one portrait of me was pretty fantastic.”
Zac felt himself blushing. “I didn’t… I didn’t know those were the ones Melissa picked. Sorry you had to see them all like that.”
“Sorry?” Taylor stood up and picked up his chair, then deposited it right next to Zac, close enough for their knees to touch when he sat back down. “Why would you be sorry for that? Those paintings were amazing. You are so talented, and the passion you have—it really showed there.”
“Well, the subject matter helped,” Zac mumbled, not meeting Taylor’s eyes.
“I would love to be able to make my love for you that tangible,” Taylor replied. “You don’t know what a gift that is, to be able to turn those feelings outward and show them to the world like that. I have to admit, I’m jealous.”
“You’re just as much of an artist,” Zac said, finally glancing up slowly. “It’s a different kind of art, but—like everything about you is art. The makeup you do, the way you make people your canvas. The things you cook for me, even though you know I’d be happy to eat frozen pizza and ramen every day. Everything about you, everything you do is proof of the love you have—not just for me, the love you have for life. And you have no idea how jealous I am of that, Tay. I haven’t been through half of what you have, and I’m barely hanging on half the time.”
Taylor reached out to touch Zac’s cheek. “I love you so much. I just wanted to be sure you knew that. It feels silly to say, considering you’re my brother. Of course I love you. But… but you know what I mean.”
“I do,” Zac replied. “And I love you, too.”
“I hope that’s your round-a-bout way of saying you’ll go with me to this thing,” Taylor said, a couple tears welling up in the corner of his eyes. He let out a loud, nervous laugh.
Zac returned his laugh. “Of course I will. Maybe I’ll even model for you again.”
“Don’t make promises you can’t keep,” Taylor replied.
Zac just laughed again, resting his head against Taylor’s hand. He didn’t know what he was going to do that summer—or the next day, for that matter—but it didn’t matter. Being with Taylor, being loved by him, was enough. With that, everything else was sure to fall into place.