Debut
The stage lights were blinding.
That was the first coherent thought Zac had been able to muster since leaving the bathroom with Taylor and being thrust into the hustle and bustle of the fashion show. He had been tugged one direction, then another, with half a dozen people talking to him all at once. The one thing he could focus on was Taylor behind him, carefully and gently fixing his hair.
And then Taylor was gone and Zac was all alone.
Someone nudged him through the curtain, and there was nowhere left to hide. At least the blinding stage lights prevented him from seeing the audience. All he could focus on were the lights and the glaringly white runway they reflected off.
There were a dozen or so costume changes, each one feeling more and more restrictive than the last. There were blazers, scarves and all sorts of things Zac would never have otherwise worn. It took all of his strength not to tug at the layers as he also struggled not to trip over his own two feet.
And then it was over.
He had just gotten into the routine when he realized he was being handed his own clothes again and Taylor was headed toward him with arms outstretched. Trailing closely behind him was Melissa, and Zac vaguely realized that he was standing there in only his boxers. He should probably cover himself, he thought, but he couldn’t manage to move.
Melissa whistled, then giggled loudly. “You were so good, Zac! I think you’ve got a new career option.”
“That really was so good,” Taylor said, grasping both of Zac’s hands in his. “Thank you so much.”
“You’re welcome,” Zac replied, feeling himself blushing from head to toe.
“Go ahead and get dressed.” Taylor gave his hands a squeeze, then released them. “We’ve got to pick out your free outfit, and apparently Melissa already has a few ideas.”
“I do, I do!” She practically squealed. “And I see a few dresses I’d like for that gallery opening, too. Ooh, do you know what you’re wearing, Taylor? Maybe we can pick out something new for you, too.”
Taylor turned back to Zac, looking a bit sheepish. “If… if Zac wants me there, I suppose I’ll go.”
“Why wouldn’t I want you there?” Zac asked. He knew they couldn’t go as a couple, nor could he even explain to some people where this brother had suddenly come from. But it didn’t matter. He needed Taylor there by his side to give him strength.
“Great!” Melissa said, glancing between the two of them. “Then we’ll all go together. I mean, unless you wanted to ask that person you’ve been seeing, of course.”
Zac stared at her. Of course she would mention that. He opened his mouth to reply, but had no response. That person was staring right back at her, and there was no way he could tell her that.
“Well,” she said, clearing her throat. “You get dressed, and we’ll get a head start on picking out something for your big art debut.”
“Yeah, okay,” Zac croaked out, suddenly feeling even more naked than he already had.
Was it possible that Melissa had just figured out the truth? It seemed absurd. Who would believe that he had fallen in love with his own brother? As he let himself be led toward the racks of clothing left out for the models to choose from, Taylor seemed fairly relaxed. If he wasn’t worried, then perhaps Zac didn’t need to be either.
He tried to focus on that as he put his clothes on back on. With his usual jeans and t-shirt in place, he felt a bit more like himself again, even if his face was still stiff with makeup and his hair full of whatever “product” actually was. It felt like glue.
He tried to ignore that, too, as he shouldered past girls giggling over glittery dresses and found Melissa holding up a pink blazer to Taylor’s chest. She scrunched up her nose, but her eyes were sparkling. Zac groaned in spite of himself, then hated himself for it. If he were going to be seen in public with Taylor, then he had to accept that Taylor would be himself. He couldn’t ask him to tone anything down. If he had any hope of proving to Taylor that he was better than their parents, he couldn’t dare say a word about who and what Taylor was.
A tiny voice inside his head said that was going to be easier said than done.
“Oh, Zac!” Melissa called out, shoving the pink blazer back onto the rack and yanking out something much more sedated. “Come here; I think I’ve found just the thing.”
Without a word, he stood in front of her, bracing himself for the worst. She held up a blue, subtly striped suit jacket and a grey shirt that buttoned halfway down. That wasn’t so bad, he decided. Clicking his tongue, Taylor reached into the rack and withdrew a pair of very skinny looking jeans with an almost shimmery finish to them. Zac wasn’t so sure about those, but he forced himself to smile anyway.
“I’ll… I’ll give it a try,” he finally replied.
A huge grin spread across Taylor’s face. “Great. It’s all in your size, so don’t worry; no more changing clothes today. But maybe a new pair of Chucks? Yours are looking pretty rough.”
“I guess they are,” Zac said, looking sheepishly down at his feet.
There was a big hole in the left one, right next to his big toe. He started to say he’d had that pair for seven years, then remembered that was their last Christmas together. Taylor had gotten a bright red pair, probably the last nice thing their parents had done for him.
He closed his mouth again, deciding that memory was better left buried, if Taylor hadn’t already remembered it on his own.
“Great,” Melissa said. “Now we need to go find something for those of us who aren’t famous runway models.”
Zac rolled his eyes, finding it hard to laugh along with Taylor and Melissa. He found himself oddly jealous, not just of their friendship, but of how relaxed Taylor seemed to be when Zac felt like they were resting on the edge of a knife.
Still, it had not been an altogether bad day. Once they had collected his check and packed Taylor’s makeup away in his car, Zac slowly began to relax. He still wasn’t much of a shopper, but Taylor and Melissa somehow made it more fun than he expected.
It only took them three stores before Melissa had found a dress that she seemed happy with. Zac had to admit, the pale peach sequined thing she had chosen did look pretty good. With an extra spring in her step, she led them to one last shop that promised to have something for Taylor.
After Taylor had gone into the dressing room, his arms loaded down with various options, Melissa plopped down on a bench and patted the seat next to her. Zac sat down a bit more gingerly.
“Why do I feel like I’m in trouble?” He asked, forcing himself to laugh, even though it wasn’t a much of a joke at all.
“You’re not,” Melissa replied. “But I do want to know what’s going on in your head lately. You seemed so happy the other day, and now you… I don’t know what you are. What’s going on?”
He shrugged as dismissively as he could manage. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Sure you do,” she said. “Did something happen with that person you were seeing?”
Zac nearly commented on the fact that she was clearly keeping said person gender neutral on purpose, then thought better of it. He wasn’t ready to admit even that much, but he knew that admitting anything would lead Melissa to her own conclusions. He could lie to her, he supposed, but that wouldn’t make him feel any better.
“No,” he finally replied. “Nothing happened.”
Melissa nodded, a tiny smirk crossing her lips. “I get it. You’d just rather go with me and Taylor.”
Before Zac could even begin to formulate any sort of response to that, even a sarcastic one, the dressing room door opened and Taylor stepped out. His long legs were covered by a pair of tight, white jeans, which he had paired with checkered button-down shirt and burgundy cardigan. Every inch of fabric hugged his thin figure, and Zac had to make a concerted effort not to drool, especially when Taylor glanced right at him and brushed back a piece of hair that had fallen over his eyes.
“Well,” Melissa breathed out. “I think that’s the look. And why weren’t you on that runway?!”
Taylor laughed softly. “You know I’d rather be behind the scenes. It’s just the way I’ve always been.”
“All I know is that we are going to be the best looking people at this thing,” Melissa replied. “And lunch is on me.”
“Oh, I don’t know,” Taylor said. “Maybe we should make our rich new model friend pay.”
He ducked back into the dressing room, giggling at the frown Zac shot him.
Once Taylor was out of sight, Zac fell silent again. Melissa reached over and patted his thigh.
“I still wish you’d talk to me, you know,” she said. “But whatever is going on, I promise it’s going to be okay.”
“if you really knew…” Zac began, then trailed off, staring at the dressing room door. He shook his head. “I’m sorry, Melly. I really am.”
“Yeah,” she replied, following his stare. “I’m sorry, too.”
Taylor emerged from the dressing room again before Zac could dare ask Melissa what she meant by that, this time wearing his normal clothes. Zac rushed to grab some of his discarded options and placed them on the rack outside the dressing room as Taylor headed to the register to pay.
Zac turned back to Melissa and was surprised by the look on her face. It was a look, he realized, of sudden understanding. And that scared him.
“Melly, I…” Zac began, then clamped his mouth shut. He had already incriminated himself enough, he realized.
She shook her head. “You don’t have to tell me anything. Not if you don’t want to.”
“I just don’t know what to say,” Zac said softly.
“There isn’t anyone else, is there?” Melissa asked, then shook her head again. “No, I’m sorry, I don’t need an answer to that. I don’t have any right to ask you anything like that.”
“There isn’t,” Zac said, his voice so soft that he almost hoped Melissa hadn’t heard him at all. But of course she had.
She nodded. “I think I understand now. I mean, why you were so scared, beating yourself up so much. This was the missing piece of the puzzle. The rest of it… I can’t say that I do understand.”
“You’re too smart for your own good,” Zac replied, although the joke fell flat, his voice void of any emotion. His voice shaky, he added, “I’ll understand if you don’t want anything to do with me—or us—anymore.”
Melissa stared at him, and he jumped when he felt her fingers intertwining with this. She stared up at him, her eyes wide. “I said I didn’t understand. I didn’t say I hated you. I just need to try even harder to understand you now, that’s all. You’re both such amazing guys, who were deprived of each other for so long, and I… I don’t know. It’s a lot to think about. But as I said, you are both amazing, and sweet and wonderful. Why wouldn’t I want guys like that in my life?”
Taylor suddenly reappeared, clearing his throat loudly to get their attention. Zac spun to face him, quickly and guiltily dropping Melissa’s hand from his. He tried to ignore the curious expression on Taylor’s face, because that only made him feel worse.
“So,” Taylor said, clearing his throat again. “Cheesecake Factory?”
“Too rich for my blood,” Melissa replied. “College student on a budget over here, and I just blew it all on that dress.”
Zac pulled her hand back and gave it a quick squeeze. “I can pay. Least I can do.”
Melissa smiled, squeezing his hand back. Zac gave her a smile, then dropped her hand again, once again ignoring the puzzled expression on his brother’s face. Somehow, he knew he had dodged a serious bullet in her surprise acceptance of whatever she thought was happening between him and Taylor. It didn’t really matter that he hadn’t told her anything; she had clearly figured enough out for herself. He wasn’t so sure Taylor would be happy to learn about that, though.
Judging by the look on Taylor’s face, though, Zac wouldn’t be able to hide the truth from him for much longer either.