Again
Zac really should have known Taylor wouldn’t let him get away with just walking away like that. He should have known it was only a matter of time before his brother demanded answers from him. He had hoped he would at least have the night, but naturally, his luck wasn’t that good.
In reality, he had about an hour. Just enough time to beat the boss on the video game he’d been playing on the small television he kept in his bedroom, but not enough time to figure out what the hell he was going to say to Taylor.
Taylor’s knock was so soft as to be almost imperceptible. Zac had to pause his game and listen closely before he was certain that it hadn’t been a figment of his imagination. Of course, it wasn’t. Deep down, he knew it wasn’t, and he also knew that he couldn’t ignore it.
He padded to the door, unlocked it and opened it only a few inches. To his surprise, Taylor shoved it the rest of the way open and barged into his room, his long legs carrying him to the center of the room so fast it nearly made Zac’s head spin.
“Alright,” Taylor said. “I’m done with this. We are done with this. We are going to stop ignoring this. We are going to talk about it, damn it.”
“It?” Zac asked, deciding to play dumb even if it would only buy him a few seconds.
Taylor sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “What happened between us. What is happening between us.”
Zac shook his head. What could he say? He didn’t know what was happening. He could talk, he could perhaps even answer some of Taylor’s questions, but not that one.
“Zac,” Taylor said, taking a step closer to him. Zac instinctively stepped back. “I know the first time it was an accident. I understand that. I didn’t know it was you and you didn’t know it was me. It’s still messed up, I know, but we’ve moved past that, haven’t we? God, is it even possible to move past that? I don’t know, Zac. You’re not giving me anything.”
“I want to move past that,” Zac replied weakly.
“Well, how?” Taylor asked. “What do I need to do? Please tell me.”
Zac shook his head again. “We can’t. It’s… it’s not over. You said it yourself, it’s happening. It’s still happening. Even if we could move past the first time, it’s not… it wasn’t the last time.”
“So you’re finally acknowledging what happened when I was drunk?”
It was now or never, Zac realized. With another decisive head shake, he replied, “No. I mean, yeah. I am. But what I mean is… it’s not going to be the last time. You know it won’t be. I… I know it won’t be.”
Taylor stared at him, and for a moment Zac feared he had made a horrible mistake. After all, they had both been drunk those two nights. Taylor hadn’t, as far as Zac could tell, shown any sober interest in him. What if it was all just a horrible mistake that Taylor wanted to put behind him? When Taylor took a few steps closer to him, Zac braced himself for a punch or slap.
None came.
Instead, he felt Taylor’s hand caressing his cheek, and seconds later, Taylor’s lips pressing against his. A voice in the back of his head told Zac it must be a joke, but when Taylor’s lips began to move, he knew it wasn’t. Zac barely had the presence of mind to kiss Taylor back, and his legs were trembling so hard he wasn’t sure he would remain standing for much longer either.
Too soon, Taylor pulled back, his hand still resting on Zac’s cheek. Softly, he asked, “Is that what you want? Again?”
“Again and again,” Zac replied, not meeting Taylor’s eyes.
“Do you really know what you’re asking for?” Taylor pulled his hand back.
“No,” Zac admitted. “But I know we’ve been without each other for too long, and I don’t know how else to make up for that lost time. I don’t know how to be your brother anymore. I don’t know… what else to do. Just let me have this. No matter how wrong it is, just let me have this.”
Taylor nodded. The movement was almost imperceptible at first, but quickly became more decisive. He stepped in closer to Zac again and grasped both of his wrists. “But if I do something you don’t want… if you change your mind… tell me. I can’t imagine what this must be like for you.”
“But don’t… don’t you want it, too?” Zac wasn’t sure he wanted to know the answer, yet he knew he had to ask.
“It’s not that I don’t want it,” Taylor replied. “It’s not… it’s not about that. But Zac, you’re not… Look, I’ve never doubted who I was. I’ve pretty much always known what I wanted. But unless I missed something big, you’re not…”
“Gay?” Zac offered.
Taylor nodded.
“I’m not… I don’t…” Zac stuttered out, then finally mustered up the nerve to grasp Taylor’s hip and pull him closer. “I just want you. I don’t know anything more than that, and I don’t want to think about anything more than that. Just you.”
“That’s okay,” Taylor replied, slowly walking Zac back toward the bed. “You don’t have to think about anything else. Or anything at all. And you don’t have to do anything, either.”
Zac felt his knees hit the bed, and he let himself fall into a seated position on the edge of it, Taylor standing in front of him between his legs. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”
“Then we won’t,” Taylor replied, falling to his knees in front of Zac.
Zac kept his eyes trained on Taylor as he kissed down his neck and ran his hand up and down his chest. He knew what Taylor’s next destination was, and it made his eyes flutter back in his head. Although his memory of that night at the club was hazy, he remembered that.
Taylor tugged at Zac’s jeans, and Zac obligingly lifted his hips to help Taylor push them down. His boxer briefs followed, and then Taylor’s lips were on him. If possible, it was even better than Zac remembered, all hot and warm and wet and so, so wrong. And then it stopped. Zac let out a low whine as Taylor pulled back, and Taylor just laughed.
Zac watched Taylor stand up and he wanted to scream. Was it all a joke? Was Taylor going to leave? But no. It wasn’t and he wasn’t. Zac’s eyed widened as he watched Taylor strip his clothes off quickly, practically tearing at the fabric. He followed suit, fumbling to kick his pants and underwear off into the floor and pulling his ponytail loose in the process of tugging his shirt over his head.
He had no more than flung the shirt away when Taylor was on him, pushing him back onto the bed. It wasn’t especially rushed or even that forceful, but it still took his breath away. It was happening. It was really happening. And he was scared shitless, but he wouldn’t dare admit that to Taylor. Zac had a feeling his brother already knew, anyway.
Their limbs tangled together as the two of them seemed to struggle for dominance. Zac wouldn’t have ever considered himself a dominant person, but he supposed he had by default taken that role in all of his previous sexual experiences. But now, pinned underneath his brother’s surprisingly strong body, he didn’t feel dominant at all or remotely equipped for the situation at hand. He hoped Taylor would take the lead and guide him along, but he didn’t know how to ask for that.
Taylor seemed to instinctively understand what Zac needed, though. He maneuvered their bodies around until they were both lying on the bed, every inch of skin pressed together. If Zac had any doubt that Taylor wanted this as much as he did, it vanished the moment he felt Taylor’s long, hard dick pressing against his. If he had any shred of dignity left, he was sure it was gone then, too, judging by the way his hips bucked up off the mattress at the first contact.
“What do you need?” Taylor asked.
Zac couldn’t answer. He could only shake his head and whimper.
Taylor pressed a gentle kiss to Zac’s lips, as if to assure him that it was okay not to have an answer, not to know anything at all. All he knew was that he needed; anything more specific than that, he couldn’t say.
An eyebrow slightly raised, Taylor let his hand slither between their bodies and wrap around both of their dicks. It was an impressive feat, given that Taylor seemed to match Zac for girth and exceed him in length, but Taylor’s long, thin fingers were up to the task.
“Oh, god,” Zac gasped out, his head falling back against the pillow.
Taylor propped himself up on his elbows and rolled his hips against Zac’s. Zac rolled his up to match, although his pace was much more frantic and lacked the rhythm of Taylor’s. He was pathetic, he knew. He was far past the point of caring. All he wanted was exactly what Taylor was giving him and more.
“Like this?” Taylor asked, although Zac was sure the answer should have been glaringly obvious.
“Please,” was the only response Zac could muster.
Taylor just grinned. He pulled himself up to more of a seated position and Zac didn’t even want to think about the part of Taylor closest to him then. If he thought too much about that he would—
“Oh, fuck,” Zac groaned out.
Through blurry eyes, he could see Taylor’s hand wrapping around his own cock again, while Zac’s remained sandwiched between their bodies. The pressure and friction were too much for him, and he didn’t even try to fight it. He let the pleasure take him over until all he was aware of was the feeling of it coursing through his body and Taylor’s moans filling his ears.
Zac thought he might have passed out for a moment. The next thing he was aware of was Taylor collapsing, half on and half off his body. Taylor nuzzled his neck gently and all Zac could do was murmur something he hoped sounded as happy as he felt.
“Is that… was that alright?” Taylor asked, his voice surprisingly low and hoarse.
“Alright isn’t quite the word,” Zac replied, laughing awkwardly. “I’ll think of a better word in the morning.”
“As long as you don’t hate me,” Taylor mumbled.
Zac brushed Taylor’s hair back and touched his cheek. “After everything… I couldn’t.”
He hated himself for being so sappy, and he hated himself even more when he felt the tears running down his cheeks. Taylor kissed the trail left by one of them, then pressed his lips to Zac’s. The kiss was brief and chaste compared to the others they had shared, but Zac needed that it was his favorite, even if it did taste a little salty.
“Will you stay with me tonight?” Zac asked.
“Yeah,” Taylor replied. “Tonight, tomorrow night… until you kick me out.”
“I won’t do that,” Zac replied, his tone deadly serious.
Taylor’s eyes widened. “I didn’t mean… god, I wasn’t thinking of it like that. What a bad joke, huh?”
“I’m sorry, you know,” Zac said. “I mean, I know I couldn’t have stopped them. But I’m sorry that I didn’t try. I’m sorry that I didn’t stand up to them, ever, and tell them that you weren’t… weren’t the horrible person they thought were. That there was nothing wrong with you, that you were my brother and… and I loved you, even if they couldn’t.”
“Zac,” Taylor breathed out, caressing his cheek, his thumb wiping away another tear. “You didn’t need to do that. Even if you had said all of that to them, you think they would have heard it? Really heard it and taken it to heart? Of course not. But I’m glad you told me. And I’m sorry that I ever doubted you and thought you were anything less than the amazing, wonderful person you really are.”
Zac wasn’t so sure about amazing or wonderful. He wasn’t sure what sort of person he was at all, especially given what he had just done with his own brother of all people. But he had his brother back. Of that he was certain, and for the moment, that was all that mattered.