Sept. 27, 2013. House of Blues, Anaheim, CA.
Zac
California… when we were kids, it was one of my favorite places to go. But as time went on, the reasons to dislike LA started piling up. The biggest downside, though, was having to keep an eye on Taylor; the city of angels was full of anything but for my brother. His lowest moments all happened either in LA, or because of it. The drugs, the alcohol, the girls… the guys… and now there was a new problem on the horizon.
I thought about the night before all through sound check. I didn’t know who that guy was; all I knew was that he’d walked in like he was top dog, stole my beer (twice), and then dragged Tay off til four in the morning. And as much as I hoped I was wrong, what I heard hadn’t sounded like a simple goodnight. Tay had seemed pretty out of it all day, not tired or hungover exactly; more like lost in thought, and I had a pretty good idea what he was thinking about, especially given the goofy smirk and the perma-blush.
Things had been good for him lately; the last thing he needed was for something, or someone, to screw it all up. I tried to tell myself that maybe last night had been a fluke, a one-time thing with no lasting damage. He’d had a few of those over the years; I didn’t like it, and I usually bitched him out, but he never let it go too far. There was something different this time, though. I remembered the last time he’d looked this way, and it hadn’t exactly ended well.
I sighed as I walked into the green room; my life was stressed enough right now; I didn’t need to add “protect my brother from an emotional train-wreck” to my to-do list, but I couldn’t just sit by, either. I looked around the room, gathering my thoughts, and the first thing I saw was a six-pack of beer on the table. I didn’t remember having that brand on our rider, but when I took a closer look I saw a note attached. To Zac, thanks for the brews last night. Scott. I was going to say some choice words, but Taylor walked in, smelling of cigarettes and sighing like a lovesick fangirl. So much for no lasting damage…
“So his name’s Scott?” I asked, not trying to hide my distaste.
“What? Oh, yeah. You know, Scott Moffatt?”
The name sounded familiar, and it took me a second to realize why.
“Bob’s brother?” I remembered Bob coming to one of our shows a couple tours ago; he’d seemed a little bitter, but nice enough otherwise.
“Yup,” Tay answered, smiling and nodding. “That Scott Moffatt.”
“Huh…” I broke off a beer and cracked it open, taking a sip. “Didn’t know you knew him.”
“I didn’t… not until last night.”
“Wait, what?” I stared at my brother, and he blinked dumbly at me.
“What?”
“So, he just waltzes in like he owns the place, and you’ve never even met him before that?” I added another item to my mental list of reasons not to like this guy.
“He’s just… like that, I guess,” Tay pouted. “Why?”
I sighed; sometimes he was a real idiot.
“So where’d you run off to, anyway? The fans were pretty disappointed.” It was a bit of a dig, but kind of a useless one, since the fans were always disappointed when he didn’t come out after shows. And even when he did, it was never long enough to keep them happy.
“Oh, um… we just went out for a few drinks…” The way he looked away told me more than I wanted to know, but I tried to ignore it.
“Ours weren’t good enough for him?”
“Just wanted to get away from the crowd, I guess.” He shrugged and looked around, his eyes falling on the six-pack (minus one). “Are those… did he really…?”
“At least he made up for it.” The beer wasn’t bad, really, and it was a more expensive brand than what he’d swiped… That didn’t mean he was off the hook completely, though. Taylor giggled in his anything-but-manly way, and I rolled my eyes. He was such a girl sometimes.
“He’s… something else…”
“That so?” I eyed my brother. I knew that look; it’d been a while since I’d seen it, but still, I knew it all the same. Taylor caught me staring and blushed, glancing away again.
“I mean, he’s kind of an asshole, really, but it was… interesting getting to know him. Seems like we should have met those guys years ago, you know?”
“I guess. Bob said something about us being compared a lot.”
“Mmhm. Don’t you remember, we used to get asked about them all the time? I don’t think I ever even listened to their music.”
“Not really,” I answered, shrugging. “I think Bob said he does country music now, him and…” I struggled to remember the other moffatt’s name. “Clint?”
“Yeah. And Dave… um, I’m not sure what he does now, actually. Scott still does music too, a little bit.”
“That’s cool, I guess.” I tossed my empty can into the trash and grabbed a bottle of water. “So what time did you get back?”
“Um, kinda late, I guess…” The blush was back, deeper than before, and my suspicion was confirmed.
“Must’ve been… I went out for a smoke around three and you were still gone.”
“Oh,” Tay said, his eyes widening. “I… I didn’t realize it was that late. Um… oops?”
“Just didn’t know the bars were open that late.” I knew they weren’t, but I wanted to see what he would say.
“Well, we were at like… kind of a club, I guess. It was pretty wild, but we were just… drinking, talking…” He trailed off, staring off at nothing.
“Sounds like fun.”
“It was alright.”
I stared at him, but he might as well have been on another planet.
“What?” he asked finally, blinking back into focus.
“Nothing,” I grumbled.
“I, um… it was just a few drinks. I mean, I’m barely even hung over.”
That was about all I could take. I lowered my voice; we didn’t need anyone else knowing about this.
“Cut the crap. It’s not about the fucking drinks and you know it.”
“Then what is it about?” He tried to look innocent, and maybe if I hadn’t known him my entire life I would’ve bought it. But unfortunately for him, I could read him like the Sunday comics. I let a growl slip as I pushed off from the counter, pacing in front of him.
“I don’t like him. He’s bad news, Tay.”
“Zac… he’s fine. I think his bark is worse than his bite, honestly.”
I stared at him, wondering how someone so talented could be so stupid. Was he really not able to see that this was exactly like before? I shook my head; either he was really that dumb, or he wanted to be, and I didn’t know which was worse.
“Fine, whatever. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, though.”
“Seriously,” he sighed. “It’s fine. I mean, I probably won’t even see him again after we leave LA. But I think he’s harmless enough.”
“I don’t know… Guys like that are bad news, and you know exactly what I mean.”
“Guys like what?” he asked, a bit defensively.
“That whole ‘fuck the world, I do what I want, nothing can touch me’ attitude. Guys like him go after what they want, and to hell with the consequences.”
“Well I don’t see the problem with his attitude,” Tay said, standing up and grabbing a beer.
“Yeah, I know,” I shot back, giving him a pointed stare. “And that’s exactly what’s gotten you into trouble before.”
“Yeah, well…” Taylor frowned, looking at the floor. “That was a long time ago,” he added, quietly.
“Not that long.” Not long enough for me to forget what it was like, watching my brother fall to pieces. Not long enough to stop wishing painful STD’s on the asshole that hurt him.
“You know,” Tay spoke up, looking at me through narrowed eyes. “I really don’t need you trying to tell me what to do. I can take care of myself, Zac.”
“Keep telling yourself that,” I replied with a snort.
“You don’t know anything about it, okay? I can handle myself just fine.” He scowled at me, and I wondered if he realized how much he sounded like a sixteen year old girl.
“Excuse me for caring. I just don’t want to have to pick up the pieces again.”
“Pick up the pieces? Excuse me?”
“You know what I mean, Tay,” I said, softer. His scowl fell into a frown, and he took a step back.
“It’s my life, Zac. You don’t like Scott, fine. You don’t have to be around him.”
I looked at him for a minute, sighing. I didn’t want him to get hurt again, but he was right; it was his life, and if he was going to make the same mistake again, there was only so much I could do to stop him.
“Just be careful, man. I don’t trust him, and I don’t think you should, either.”
“I just met the guy. I barely know him, but… I don’t know. He’s just… different.” He sighed again, with a faraway look, and I knew it was pointless trying to argue. I just seriously hoped my gut was wrong this time.
Taylor
Even though I was out late, far from sober, I didn’t feel hungover the next day. In fact, it was the best and most energized I could remember feeling for months, if not years. I could lie and say that I didn’t know the cause of that feeling, but I did.
It was Scott.
Of course, I would never have admitted that to him, because I couldn’t have handled how smug it would make him. I hoped that, if he was there, he didn’t notice how much I scanned the crowd to see if I could spot him. I didn’t, but I was still in such high spirits from the night before that I didn’t let it get me down. He had to be there. He just had to be. Even if only to spite Zac. I couldn’t explain it, but I wanted to see Scott again. Zac couldn’t understand; he thought he knew all about my history, but he didn’t. And he was wrong about Scott, of that I was sure.
After the concert ended, I hurried to shower and change clothes, then join the crowd in the green room–a crowd that was missing the one face I really wanted to see. I decided to drown my sorrows in a beer, and had downed half of it when Scott’s already familiar figure came into view.
He strode into the room like he owned it, giving a fistbump to one of our roadies, who wandered away looking utterly confused. I stayed in place, waiting for Scott to crane his neck and finally spot me.
When he finally did, he chuckled and shook his head. He walked over to me quickly. “Miss me, sweetheart?”
“Hey!” I said, realizing how overly eager I sounded, but unable to stop myself.
Scott just smirked. “Hey. Sorry I missed the show; heard it was good.”
“Oh… you just got here?”
He nodded. “Fashionably late.”
“Right, of course…” I said, cursing myself for the little giggle that followed my words. Apparently Scott was turning me into a girl. Normally my feminine characteristics didn’t bother me; I hardly even noticed them unless someone pointed them out. But I certainly didn’t need to give Scott any other reason to make fun of me.
Thankfully, my giggle passed by him unnoticed. His eye was caught by someone else, a smirk still planted on his lips as he lifted his hand and waved at whoever it was who had distracted him.
It was Zac.
The only recognition he gave Scott at all was a glare that wasn’t at all subtle. Without a single word, he stalked off.
I cleared my throat to draw Scott’s attention back to me. “He’s umm… not really in a good mood.”
“Didn’t like his present?” Scott asked.
“Umm,” I stuttered out, since I hadn’t thought far enough ahead to come up with a reason why Zac wasn’t in a good mood–a reason other than the truth that he just didn’t like Scott, that was. I decided just to ignore the question. “No, that was alright, I guess. Kinda nice of you…”
“I try,” Scott replied, shrugging. “Mostly didn’t want him tryin’ to beat my ass when I showed up tonight.”
“Yeah, well… you’re probably still not totally in the clear there…” I replied honestly.
“Yeah, well… let him try if he wants.” Scott grinned. I wanted to point out that Zac was twice Scott’s size, but thought better of it. Even if I’d wanted to say it, Scott quickly followed his statement with a disarming smirk and a question. “Sleep good last night?”
“Yeah…” I sighed, unable to resist the power Scott already seemed to have over me. “Or passed out, I’m not sure.”
He chuckled. “Lightweight. What am I gonna do with you?”
I rolled my eyes. “Guess I’m out of practice. Been off tour for a while.”
“You don’t drink at home?” Scott asked, his tone more than a little teasing. His questions and comments about my personal life got under my skin, but I knew that was why he did it. I had also learned that it was just easier to answer him so he would move on… and find something else to ridicule me for, no doubt.
“Not as much as I do on the road,” I replied.
He grinned, seemingly finding this an acceptable response. “Well, that’s what it’s for.”
“Yeah… I guess…” I replied, laughing lightly.
The implication behind his words bothered me, but it wasn’t entirely wrong. It wasn’t like we constantly toured just to get away from home, but for some of us–namely me–it was an extra perk. I hated even admitting that to myself; it wasn’t like my home life was miserable. It was crowded and chaotic, though. Once upon a time I had thought I wanted a big family, since it was all I had ever known. I had since learned that if you aren’t happy to begin with, adding more and more children to the equation didn’t fix things. It only amplified the problems. Even after around twenty four hours of knowing me, Scott seemed to understand so well the escape I needed from the happy home I’d tried to build.
After a moment, when it was obvious I wasn’t going to say anything else, Scott asked, “So, there’s this party down in the valley; you wanna check it out?”
Just the words party in the valley took me back a decade. Zac wasn’t wrong about the awful things I had done in California when I was younger, but he was too quick to pass judgment. He had found comfort in Kate and religion when our world was going to shit, but the latter didn’t work for me and the former wasn’t an option. I had to seek comfort elsewhere, mostly in illicit substances and parties with people who supplied me with the former. When Natalie got pregnant, I had to give all–or at least most–of that up, but it still hung over my head all the time, taunting me.
“Umm… yeah sure,” I finally replied.
Scott’s eyes flickered over to Zac again. “Wanna bring baby bro along?”
“Umm… he really doesn’t do parties.”
He raised an eyebrow at that, then shrugged. With a wink, he said, “Oh well; his loss. Just means I got you all to myself.”
I rolled my eyes at that, but I couldn’t wipe the grin off my face. For all his attempts to seem like a real hardass, Scott could be pretty cheesy with his flirtation. It might have all been a big joke, if it weren’t for that kiss that I could still feel on my lips.
“You cool to blow now, or do you gotta be seen some more?” Scott asked.
“I should probably stick around, but…” I shrugged, still grinning.
Scott laughed and clapped me on the back. “Yeah, yeah… let’s roll.”
As we walked out of the room together, his hand stayed on my back, but crept farther down. His touch was just light enough to seem friendly to anyone who might have noticed, but I knew better.