Sep. 27, 2013. Sunset Trocadero and The Standard Hotel, Los Angeles, CA.
Taylor
I was not nearly drunk enough for this.
I always get myself in trouble in California. It’s just a given. Trouble just finds me on the west coast, even when I’m not looking for it. This particular night, trouble just so happened to be named Scott Moffatt. I’ll admit, I didn’t even realize he was still alive until he showed up at the concert. He was a bastard and I didn’t want anything to do with him at first, but… there was just something about him. Aside from the funny accent.
I couldn’t explain it. All I knew for sure was that I needed more alcohol, and I had no doubt the club he’d practically drug me to was more than willing to supply it.
“So, her sister walks in and of course we’re right there, both stark naked…” He said, laughing. “I tell her to close the door and join the fun, right? Just screwing around. I was sure she was gonna try to beat my ass. And then, and then… she like scowls at me, but goes ahead and does it! Starts stripping down right there, waits her turn, and everything. Even got ’em to make out… now that was something.”
“I… umm…” I stuttered out, my eyes feeling as wide as saucers. I hadn’t been listening to much of his story, finding myself much more captivated by the way his eyebrows wiggled and the strange way he formed his vowels even after, apparently, not having lived in Canada for a decade. That part of the story, though, caught my attention and left me speechless.
“Twins, man…” he said, still laughing. “Okay, your turn.”
He motioned for the waitress to bring us refills and I played innocent. “My turn for what?”
“Story time, man…” he replied, grinning. “You gotta have at least one.”
I felt myself blushing and I braced for the laughter I was sure that would cause. “Umm… not really, no.”
He gave me a knowing smirk. “Come on… strictly off the record.”
“No way could I even come close to topping that story anyway,” I replied, shaking my head. I may have had a few stories of my own, but nothing quite like that… and nothing I felt comfortable sharing with this guy who I was certain was still, on some level, mocking me.
“Not about topping…” He shrugged, then gave me another smirk. “”Less you’re into that, but you don’t look like the type.”
That got rid of my blush. All the blood seemed to drain from my face, leaving me deathly pale and sputtering incoherently at him. “I… umm… I mean…”
Scott leaned across the table. “Come on, Tay. We’re hanging out, we’re having a good time, right? I’m not that bad a guy, am I?”
“I haven’t decided yet,” I replied honestly, bristling a little at the way he so easily called me by my nickname.
He sighed. “You don’t have to stay, ya know… I didn’t kidnap you.”
“It’s this or sitting in my hotel room alone,” I replied with a shrug. “You’re not… that bad.”
“So?” He asked, just the tiniest ghost of a smirk crossing his lips. “Talk to me, man.”
“About my sex life? Seriously?”
He shrugged. “Or whatever.”
“You assume there’s actually anything interesting about it… honestly, even if I did have any decent stories…” I was rambling and stalling, and the way Scott rolled his eyes told me that he knew it.
“For Christ’s sake, just fucking talk already.”
I didn’t. A part of me was still so certain that I was just a joke to Scott. Even if we had started out similarly, he wasn’t anything like me now. He might not have truly become the hardcore rockstar he so obviously thought he was, but he was close enough to it that he could laugh at a guy like me. If he knew even half the truth about me… he’d have plenty more to laugh about.
Or so I thought. I watched him carefully as he sipped his drink casually, his eyes roaming around the club as he did so. When he caught someone’s eye, I instinctively followed his stare—and his wink—and choked on my own drink when I realized the person he was flirting with was another man.
Scott’s eyes snapped back to me when I coughed and sputtered. “What?”
“Nothing,” I said, shaking my head. “Nothing at all.”
He just smirked. “Right. So, about that story..?”
“What story?” I asked, adopting an innocent face even though I knew he would see right through it.
“The one you didn’t wanna tell me ’cause you thought I’d judge you for being bi.”
“I didn’t… you… what.” I knew there was no use denying it any longer, but it was just my natural instinct. Less than a dozen people knew, really knew without any doubt, and I hated that Scott was so sure he was one of them.
“C’mon man,” he said, chuckling. “You honestly think I didn’t know? Had you pegged from minute one.”
I scowled. “Well, I’m glad it amuses you so much.”
“It’s kinda cute, yeah.” He grinned.
“Cute?”
“Did I stutter?”
“No, I just… how is it cute that I’m—that you think I’m.” I cut myself off there, and somehow managed to still take a long sip of my drink around the foot I’d crammed down my throat.
Scott was still chuckling. “Not that, dumbass. It’s cute how shy you are about it.”
“Yeah, well,” I replied, feeling myself pouting a little. “S’not like it’s something I go around talking about, okay?”
“So you are then.” He grinned.
“Even if I told you I wasn’t, would you believe me?”
“Not for a second.”
“Okay then.”
“So, story time,” he said, smirking. “Or are you having fun listening to all my sordid tales?”
I shrugged. “They’re… something else.”
He grinned, but only for a second. When he saw that I really wasn’t going to tell a story of my own, he sighed. “Okay, fine… but this is the last one. Then it’s your turn, got it?”
I sighed and rolled my eyes slightly. “Fine.”
“Hmm… okay, got it. So this was about… seven or eight years ago, after moving to LA for the first time. I met this guy at a club in Long Beach… Nice guy, kind of a pretty boy, but more towards the skater style. We hit it off real quick, one thing leads to another, and we wind up at his place.”
“Okay…” I replied, raising an eyebrow. Compared to his earlier tales, this seemed fairly tame.
Before continuing, Scott motioned the waitress over and ordered refills on our beers along with a few shots. “Well, I end up staying there a couple days, and things get kinda deep. Turns out he’s into the lifestyle, and he’s lookin’ for something more… permanent. Now, I’d never had a full-time sub before, but I’d thought about it.”
I felt myself blushing and quickly downed one of the shots I’d ignored the first time he ordered for me. Maybe I could blame my flushed cheeks on the alcohol. Scott couldn’t possibly have known that I was into that sort of thing, too, could he? It didn’t seem possible, but he had already proven that he could read me like a book. Maybe I could still play dumb. I was good at that. I felt his eyes on me and glanced up to find him shaking his head.
“Sorry… you know what I mean, right?” He asked, smirking. “I forget sometimes not everyone’s into that.”
“I… umm… I can figure out what you mean, yes,” I replied, certain that I was blushing from head to toe.
“Right,” Scott said, his eyes still on me and his lips still turned up in a smirk. “So we agree to give it a shot… and man, it was a disaster. He had issues like you wouldn’t believe. Didn’t wanna listen, didn’t wanna obey, then got pissed off when I tried to discipline him.”
“Mhm…” I managed to mutter around the edge of my glass of beer.
“Funny thing is, he said I wasn’t being hard enough on him… that, and he got into some bad shit. Shit I knew was a dealbreaker for me.” Scott paused then and sighed, and for a moment, I thought I saw a hint of real emotion in his eyes. It intrigued me. “So that was that… still, we had some good times.”
“It… sounds like you did,” I replied, trying not to let my curiosity show.
He smirked. “I could go into specifics…”
“T-that’s… not necessary…” I sputtered.
The waitress arrived with the latest round of drinks, setting down three in front of each of us. If I wasn’t drunk enough to handle Scott Moffatt yet, it wasn’t going to be long before I was.
“Yeah, well,” he said. “It’s your turn anyway. Shot first?”
“Sure,” I replied, giving him a slight glare, but downing the first shot anyway.
Scott tipped back his shot glass before I’d even set mine back on the table, and I found myself watching the way the muscles in his neck flexed and the way his tongue darted out to lick the stray drop of tequila on his bottom lip. When he caught my eye and smirked, I was certain I’d been caught staring. More to distract him from that than to satisfy his curiosity about me, I began telling what little bit of a story I was willing to share.
“I may have, umm… I mean, m-my… this guy I was with, he was kinda into stuff like that, too.”
“Yeah?” Scott asked, an overly eager grin on his face.
“Y-yeah…” I replied, glancing away.
Scott nudged my second shot toward me. “Okay, so what happened?”
With a heavy sigh, I downed the shot. “He was just… kinda kinky or whatever. I mean, he wasn’t like… into ‘the lifestyle’ or whatever. Or if he was, we never really… talked about it.”
Scott nodded and downed his second shot.
“So, you know, we just… I dunno, kinda played around with that sort of stuff, I guess. Whatever.” I hadn’t said much of substance at all, I knew, but it still left me in need of another drink. Without Scott’s prompting, I picked up my last shot and swallowed it down.
“Wow, Tay,” he said, staring at me blankly. “Spare me the graphic details.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t… exactly talk about this kind of stuff very often, alright?”
It was true. No one I’d slept with knew the sort of things I thought about, the things I wanted but never quite let myself give in to. Once I’d gotten a taste of it—of what it felt like to be tied up, restrained, beaten—I tried to get that feeling back, but no one could really satisfy that need. Natalie tried, but she could only do so much for me. So I just kept quiet about it.
“Yeah, I see that,” Scott replied. “Worried I’m gonna call the National Enquirer?”
I gave him a stare. “You might. No offense, but I don’t know you well enough to trust you yet.”
Scott threw back his last shot and slammed the glass down so hard it made me jump. I stared blankly at him, not sure what I’d done to elicit that sort of reaction.
“You know, I thought you might be cool to get to know. I figured we had some stuff in common, we could talk, joke around, whatever. But you obviously aren’t in the mood, or whatever. So you know what? Forget it.”
Having delivered his monologue, he started to stand up. I had this sudden urge to stop him, even though truthfully, I still hadn’t decided whether I liked him or hated him. All I knew was that I couldn’t let him get away from me on such a sour note. Panicking a little, I reached out for his arm.
“N-no… I mean…” I sighed, willing my heart to stop racing and my words to stop getting caught on my tongue. “I’m just not used to… talking about this stuff. And frankly, it did seem like I was just a joke to you at first. You can forgive me for just assuming my life is a joke to a lot of people, can’t you?”
Scott eyed me, and I could practically see the gears in his mind turning, weighing my words and looking for the truth in them. After a brief moment, he smiled a bit and sat back down. “I guess so.”
“I’m sure you get that reaction, too,” I said.
He gave me a slight glare, then shrugged. “Not really… that’d require people to actually know who I am. Well, was.”
If I didn’t already understand, it became clear in that moment why he seemed so bitter and jaded. It wasn’t even about me… at least, not entirely. The world had turned its back on both of us, but I still had many of the things that had been taken away from him. I couldn’t really fault him for hating me a little.
“Sorry I didn’t know…” I said, pouting a little and grasping for some way to get back in his good graces, even though I didn’t know why I cared. “But I think… didn’t one of your brothers come to a concert a few years ago?”
He nodded, the smirk that was already becoming familiar to me slowly returning to his face. “Yeah, that was Bob. He’s actually the one that got me to check you out. Told me he couldn’t believe the crowd you were pulling.”
“I remember now,” I replied with a little smirk of my own. “I think his wife’s a fan. They came backstage, but I didn’t talk to them much. He’s… was… the drummer, right?”
“Yup.” Scott nodded. “Clint played bass, and Dave was on keyboards. Clint and Bob are still together, actually.” He paused, snorted and shook his head. “They play together… they’ve got a two-man band out of Nashville.”
I nodded slowly, sensing something a little off about his words, but unable to figure out what. “I think Zac talked to Bob a lot… you know, drummers…”
Scott grinned. “Yep. Honestly, I think Bob was pretty jealous about you guys still going.”
My smile fell at that. “Well, it’s not like it’s been easy. And it’s not… like it was.”
“Never is…” Scott replied, nodding.
I nodded, too, giving him a little pout. “So, forgive me for prying but… what happened with you guys? I didn’t really… keep up.”
Scott sighed and stared down into his beer, and I regretted asking. But if he could pry into the dark parts of my life that I didn’t want anyone to see, then he could answer a few questions about his career. Finally, he spoke. “Just got tired of the bullshit, mostly… sick of trying to be something we weren’t. We never wanted to be pop stars.” With a snort, he added, “Oh yeah, and Dave came out.”
My eyes widened a little, but I tried not to let my surprise show… much. “Well, the rest of it sounds pretty similar to us. I mean, we always said it was pop music but… that means something different to the labels than it used to.”
“Yeah… well, we wanted to be more than that,” Scott said, grinning. “Rockstars, man.”
I gave a little laugh. “Yeah, well. I don’t think we’ve got that in us. Zac, maybe.”
“Hey man, you got plenty of rockstar in you.”
“Do I really?” I asked, raising an eyebrow and grinning.
He smirked. “Hell yeah you do. You know how to move, how to work the crowd. 90% of it’s in the attitude.”
I nodded, my grin spreading. “Yeah, well… I try.”
“Oh sweetheart, you do more than try and you know it. Don’t bullshit me.”
“And what’s that supposed to mean?” I smirked.
“It means you know exactly what you do to those chicks.”
I snorted, but didn’t stop smirking. “Yeah… maybe.”
“Yeah, yeah…” Scott chuckled. “Maybe my ass.”
“Well…” I said, the word getting lost in my own laughter. “Just takes practice. Although it doesn’t seem to take much to make those girls scream.”
“Not really, no,” Scott replied, still chuckling. “Just gotta know how to work with what you got. Guitar, mic stand… harmonica…”
At the last word, he winked, and I snorted with laughter. “I have been told that I do really obscene things to a harmonica… and a mic stand…”
“I’ll say…” he replied, nodding and eying me. “Damn near made me jealous.”
I coughed and sputtered for a moment, then pulled myself together as best I could. I wasn’t sure if he was flirting or just trying to get under my skin, but either way it was working. With a little smirk, I replied, “Shoulda seen me with Tinted Windows, then… no keyboard, just me and the mic stand…”
“It’s called YouTube,” he said, grinning. “And yes. Very nice.”
He was definitely flirting, and I was definitely blushing. I tried to cover it with a smirk, but I was sure he could still tell how flustered I was.
“Thanks,” I managed to mumble.
To my surprise, Scott didn’t tease me for the blushing. Underneath the table, he nudged my foot, but his face showed little to no sign that he even realized he’d done it. I tried not to acknowledge the move, unsure whether it was an accident or not, but leaning toward not.
“So…” he said. “Feel like elaborating on that story yet? You were just getting to the good stuff.”
I put on my innocent face again. “Hmm? What story?”
Scott snorted. “The one about you and the guy getting kinky.”
The blush that covered my face then made it feel roughly like I was on fire from the neck up. “Oh, umm… well, I mean, there’s not that much to tell. Just, you know… handcuffs, scarves, whatever…”
I mumbled the last few words, but Scott’s wide grin made it obvious that he’d heard them all. “Right, whatever… call it a wild guess, but… sub?”
“I… umm.. maybe,” I mumbled, glancing away.
“That’s a yes,” he replied, and even out of the corner of my eye I could see his grin. “Okay, so… a little bondage fun, huh?”
I nodded, pouting a little as I thought about it. I had good reason for not telling Scott any more of the story, but he was going to keep prying. The whole relationship had been a mess from beginning to end for so many reasons, and I was not going to get into that with Scott, no matter how much he pried.
Scott tilted his head to the side in what I assumed was confusion, but there seemed to be a hint of genuine concern, too. “What happened?”
I blinked a few times, trying to snap myself back to reality and realizing I was more than a little drunk. I fumbled for some sort of excuse for my sudden bout of melancholy. “Oh… nothing. This is just amusing you too much, that’s all.”
Scott’s smile fell. “Sorry?”
“S’alright,” I replied, shrugging. “I’m starting to get used to you, I think.”
“Aw, shucks… ya mean ya like me?” He asked, giving me a goofy grin that I would never, ever admit to finding adorable.
I rolled my eyes and made a face at him, but I couldn’t stop myself from laughing. “I didn’t say that, did I?”
Scott just laughed and patted my arm. I looked down at his hand, a mixture of amused and surprised that he let it linger so long. It stirred up… something… in me, and it made me want to open up just a tiny bit more.
“Anyway, so umm… we just played around with it or whatever. Nothing… serious. And then we broke up. So, end of that story. Sorry it’s not as… interesting as yours.”
I glanced up and saw Scott’s smile fall. “Sorry man. What happened?”
“Just… didn’t work out,” I replied with a dismissive shrug.
He nodded knowingly. “Yeah, that happens… especially with that kinda relationship. It’s tough to find someone you mesh with just right. Lord knows I’m still lookin’…”
“Like I said, it was just…” I said, fumbling for the right words to tell him just enough about that doomed relationship to sate his curiosity. “I mean, that was just play. But I guess we were… looking for different things. The… sex wasn’t the problem.”
Scott smirked. “Well if it was, I bet it was his problem, not yours.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Just that you seem…” Scott said. He paused and seemed to contemplate his next words for a moment before shaking his head. “Nothing, nevermind.”
I stared at him, my eyelids heavy but still blinking rapidly as I tried to understand whatever it was Scott wasn’t saying. Coming to no conclusions, I mumbled, the words coming out in one slurred jumble, “Thesexwasfine.”
Scott just chuckled, and I glanced away, embarrassed but too drunk to shut myself up.
“Better than fine…” I added, my voice even softer. Scott raised an eyebrow and smirked, but to my surprise, he didn’t say anything. With a tiny smirk of my own, and my eyes not quite meeting his, I asked, “So… is that a good enough story for you?”
He shrugged and grinned. “It’s a start…”
“Somehow I just had a feeling you wouldn’t be satisfied yet…”
He gave a loud snort of laughter at that, and I felt inordinately pleased with myself for a successful innuendo. He cleared his throat and smirked, his eyes on me in a way that made me a little nervous. Once again, he nudged my foot, and I was certain this one was on purpose.
“Takes a lot more than that to satisfy me…” he said.
“Needy, are we?” I asked, taking a risk and nudging his foot back. “Why am I not surprised…”
Scott chuckled and shrugged. “Nothing wrong with knowing what you want… and going after it.”
He gave me a pointed look then, and even in my drunken state, I knew what he meant. I held his stare for a moment, but that was all I could take. It was too intense.
“Well, sweetheart,” he said, downing the rest of his beer and sighing. “It’s been fun, but I better get you home safe.”
I gave a tiny eye roll, finishing off the last of my own beer. “Think I could make it on my own…”
“Nope,” Scott said, shaking his head. He stood up and held his hand out to me. “Promised your brother I’d get you back in one piece. Wouldn’t wanna piss off the drummer, now would I?”
I giggled and took his hand in spite of myself. I expected him to laugh at that, but he didn’t. He pulled me up with a strength I didn’t really expect from someone so much smaller than me, and held my hand for just a moment longer before letting it drop and guiding me out of the club.
The club wasn’t too far away, so the walk back to the hotel wasn’t especially painful or long. It was long enough, though, to highlight just how drunk I was. Sometimes you don’t realize it while you’re still sitting down, but the second you stand up and start to move, every single drop of alcohol you’ve had in your entire life seems to hit you at once. That was how I felt that night, but somehow we made it back to the hotel in one piece.
As we walked down the hallway toward my room, I felt my body giving way to the desire to pass out. I leaned heavily against Scott, more than I probably should have, but he just held loosely onto my waist and somehow managed to keep me upright. I sighed happily, feeling strangely comfortable next to him. I was sure that was just the alcohol talking.
“What number are you again?” He asked, rubbing my back slightly.
“Umm… 1307. I think,” I said, giggling.
Scott gave a little snort, but steered us toward the right door. He let go of me then, leaving me to wobble unsteadily in the middle of the hallway, and leaned against the opposite wall.
With a grin I could only describe as seductive, he said, “Here we are, then.”
“Mhm…” I replied, blatantly staring at him and the way he just… leaned there, like he owned the whole damn hotel.
He beckoned me a little closer. “You know, you’re alright, Taylor Hanson.”
“You’re not so bad either… Scott Moffatt,” I replied, giving him a little smile as I closed most of the distance between our bodies.
“Depends on what kinda mood I’m in,” he replied. Straightening up to his full height, still quite a bit below my own, he put his hands on my hips and raised an eyebrow as if to dare me to question him.
I blushed, but didn’t pull away. “Oh, I’m sure you could be… very bad…”
Scott’s eyes darkened. His voice low, he said, “And yet, oh so very good…”
In spite of myself, I began to tremble. I didn’t want Scott to know the effect he was having on me. Nothing good could come of giving him the satisfaction of knowing he’d gotten under my skin. As though it could stop me from trembling, I bit my bottom lip hard. Scott’s eyes darted to my lips and I watched him lick his own before meeting my eyes again.
A second—if that—passed, and Scott let out a chuckle that only made me tremble more. He grabbed a fistful of my hair and pulled me down to his level, crushing our lips together.
I let out a muffled whimper, but I didn’t pull away from the kiss. I couldn’t. He was probably strong enough to hold me there if he wanted to, but it didn’t matter. I was in no condition, mentally or physically, to resist him. His lips never leaving mine, he pushed me back until I hit the door to my room. My hands clawed at the back of Scott’s shirt as I kissed him back with all the intensity I could manage.
Scott pulled back and I was prepared to whine and beg him to kiss me again. Before I could, he jerked my head to the side. His mouth just… hovered there, barely millimeters above my neck, but not touching it.
“Scott…” I gasped out, trembling.
With a soft chuckle that I could feel through my whole body, he planted a feather soft kiss on my neck. And that was it. He let go and backed away. I whimpered and pouted, desperately wanting more, but unable to even ask for it. My body went limp against the door as Scott drew further away.
He gave me a wide grin, then pulled his sunglasses out of the front of his shirt and slid them on, even though we were inside and it was night—or more accurately, early morning.
“Told ya, I don’t bite on the first date.”
I could do little more than pout and stare, wishing I could still see his eyes but not sure I would like what I saw in them.
Scott just shook his head and grinned. “Sleep tight, sweetheart.”
With a wink, he turned and walked back down the hall toward the elevators. Slack-jawed and still trembling a little, I watched him as long as I could, until he disappeared around the corner without so much as a single glance back at me. I wasn’t sure what I wanted from him, but whatever it was… he hadn’t exactly delivered.