Nov. 2, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, Ca.
Scott
I stared at my notebook, smiling. Studio City Sound – Monday – 9:30. I could hardly believe it, but there it was. I was going into a recording studio to lay down the beginnings of an album. I snapped a pic of the scribbled note and texted it to Taylor, then dialed his number.
“Hello?”
“Hey babe,” I said, grinning. “You get the pic I sent?”
“Yeah… Is that what I think it is?”
“Yep. Going in to lay down a few tracks. Nothing final, but hey, it’s a start, right?”
“I can’t wait to hear it. I… I mean, if you wanna share.”
“As if I’d let anyone else be my guinea pig,” I replied, lying back on the couch. “Speaking of, you’re still coming, right?”
“As far as I know, I am.”
I really was looking forward to seeing him. I knew our relationship wasn’t the best, with him being married and all, but it meant a lot to me that he was willing to put all that on the line. To be honest, it meant a lot more than I wanted him to know. It was almost scary sometimes, how deeply my feelings for him ran. I hadn’t felt like that for anyone in a long time.
“What’re you gonna tell the warden?” I asked.
“I was thinking… last minute band stuff? Comes in handy having a second band sometimes,” he added with a weak laugh.
“Think he’ll buy it?”
“I… oh,” he said after a moment. “You meant… umm.”
“Your slave,” I finished for him in a low tone.
“Please… don’t call him that,” Tay replied, his voice shaking, and my mind shifted gears, alarms going off.
“Why not?”
“Because I’m pretty sure he’s not. Not anymore.”
“Oh.” I let out a breath. “What happened?”
“I don’t even know,” Tay said, sniffling. “I mean, I know I was having a hard time with the punishments. It’s… It’s not going to come easily to me. But then he just… he wanted out.”
I let out a long sigh. I couldn’t honestly say I was surprised, but that didn’t mean I didn’t feel for Tay.
“Babe…”
“I don’t know, maybe if I’d been a better Dom or whatever…” He paused, sniffling again.
“Hey, no. Don’t do that.”
“But that’s what it boils down to, isn’t it?” he said, his voice shaking a bit. “He wasn’t getting what he wanted, so he wanted out. I didn’t give him what he wanted.”
“Babe, come on. Don’t beat yourself up. That’s my job,” I added with a chuckle, trying to lighten the mood.
“Yeah, yeah…” he sighed.
“Seriously, though. It wasn’t your fault. And honestly…” I paused, giving a short sigh. “It’s probably for the best. Shit like this can cause all kinds of hell… You don’t want to throw away everything you guys have worked for, and neither does he.”
“I guess if anyone would understand, it would be you, huh?” He gave a weak laugh, and I made a mental note to swat him for that, even if he was right. “But it’s just… I’ve always tried to protect him, but more than that… do everything for him, really. And I know this is something I really shouldn’t do for him, shouldn’t give him…”
“I get it,” I cut him off. “You’re a sub. Textbook sub. Subbiest sub to ever sub,” I laughed. “Not everyone can just switch it up. Like, me? All Dom. No one’s ever been able to top me, and ain’t nobody got the balls to try. There’s nothing wrong with being true to who you are.”
“Well, yeah,” Tay snorted. “But I guess that’s part of the problem, too. I want to give him what he needs, and if I can’t… Well, clearly I can’t. I just don’t know how to go back, now that we’ve crossed that line.”
“Wish I knew what to tell ya there, babe…” I let out a long breath, thinking of my own fucked-up past. “Lord knows I’d go back if I could. Sometimes you just can’t, though,” I said softly, more to myself than him. “But you guys are tight; I think you’ll be fine. Just give him some time to cool down.”
“It’s an understatement to say there’s a lot we’d both like to go back and do differently, isn’t it?” he asked.
“Ain’t that the truth. But then… brought us together. Not all bad, right?” I said softly.
“No. Not bad at all.”
“I can’t wait to see ya, babe.” My chest felt tight; the emotions were almost too much to bear. I’d been doing a lot of thinking lately, about Taylor, my feelings for him and where we were headed. Maybe this was a good time to test the waters. “Got a few presents for ya.”
“Presents?” he echoed, his tone more cheerful.
“Mhm. Gotta keep my slave happy, right?”
“I could definitely use that right now… This week with you can’t come soon enough, Scott.”
“Ditto,” I said, ignoring the way my name on his lips made me feel. “So, babe… you said you never got too deep into the lifestyle, but you’d read up on it, right?”
“Yeah, most of my knowledge until recently has just been theoretical.”
“‘Kay. Well, what do you know about…” I paused to clear my throat. “Collars?”
“Um… not a lot, really?”
“How much is ‘not a lot’?”
“Um… well, I know they’re a thing some people do. And they can mean different things, I suppose.”
“Mhm… like what?”
“Well, just… decoration, I guess. But there’s more than that, right?
“Yeah,” I said, chuckling a bit. “There’s a lot more than that.”
“Are you going to tell me what, or am I supposed to figure that out for myself?” He asked, his tone teasing.
“Hm, decisions, decisions…” I teased back.
“Scott,” he whined, and it was too adorable to resist.
“Okay, okay. Let’s see, how to put this…” I chuckled, but inside I was way more nervous than I cared to admit. “Well, you remember what I told you when I gave you the one you’re wearing now? How serious a decision it was?”
“Yeah… I remember,” Tay said quietly, and I could practically see him playing with the lock.
“Well, think of that as the first… level.”
“Oh… okay.”
It’s like any other piece of jewelry, really. Upgrade the piece, upgrade the meaning. Get it?”
“Like, say… an engagement ring versus a…” Tay trailed off, but we both knew how that sentence ended.
“Exactly,” I breathed.
“I… I think I understand.”
“Do you?” I asked, holding my breath. As soon as the words left my mouth I realized the double meaning… but I didn’t regret it. This was the most serious relationship I’d ever been in, and what I was implying was kind of terrifying. But I knew what I wanted.
“Yeah, Scott. I do.”
I let out a shaky breath, my head almost dizzy.
“I love you,” I whispered. I didn’t throw those words out carelessly, and I seriously hoped Taylor knew that.
“Love you too, Scott,” came his reply without hesitation, followed by a nervous laugh.
“Why don’t you… do some thinking. About that.”
“I think… I think I will,” he replied softly. “Probably a lot of thinking.”
“Yeah…” I took another moment, then cleared my throat. I could only handle so much emotion at once. “Don’t think too hard, though. You’re gonna need your energy.”
“Yeah, I just… I need to see you. I really do. This break can’t come soon enough.”
“I’ll say. Can’t wait to watch you try your presents,” I added, lowering my voice.
“I just can’t wait, period. I need a break, and I need… you.”
“Likewise, babe.” Sometimes he frustrated me, being all emotional when I was trying to take our conversation down a different path. “Surprised you’re not asking what I got ya.”
“I’m sorry, I know I’m being kind of a downer today. I promise I’m excited about it. It’s just all a lot to think about. But I bet you’re not going to tell me anyway, are you?”
“Oh, I dunno… Depends how good you’ve been, I guess.”
“Well,” he snorted. “That probably depends on your definition of good. I don’t feel very good lately.”
“Guess I need to do my job then. After all, I’m supposed to make you feel good,” I chuckled.
“You do, Scott. At the risk of sounding totally pathetic, you’re about the only thing that does anymore.”
I paused, thinking. It physically hurt to hear him so upset, but there wasn’t much I could do, except maybe…
“Here, let me put you on speaker for a sec,” I said, hitting the button and setting my phone down. “Can you hear me okay?”
“Yeah, you’re coming through loud and clear.”
“Okay, good.” I leaned over and picked up my guitar, then took a deep breath. “Just… don’t judge too harshly, okay?”
“I won’t,” he said, his tone sincere.
I breathe in slow to compose myself
But the bleeding heart I left on the shelf
Started speeding round, beating half to death
Cause you’re here and you’re all mine
So I press my lips down into your neck
And I stay there and I reconnect
Bravery I’ve been trying to be perfect
It can wait for a while
Scared of the hope in my head it’s been making me sweat but it turns out
You’re here with your head on my chest
I should’ve guessed
The world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be
Incomplete
I breathe out now and we fall back in
Just like before we can re-begin
Let your lungs push slow up against my skin
Let it all feel just right
Gone is the emptiness
We just take what’s best and we move on
All of the hurt gets left
I should’ve guessed
The world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be
Incomplete
This here now, it’s where we touch down
You and me, let’s be incomplete
How’d we go without
I don’t know but it looks like we’ve made it again
Tell me you’ll never look down, down
And the world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be
To be incom…
I don’t wanna look down
I don’t want us to break up in the clouds
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now
I don’t wanna look down
I don’t want us to break up in the clouds
All I want is to stay us, to stay with you now
And the world will turn and we’ll grow, we’ll learn how to be
Incomplete
This here now, it’s where we touch down
You and me, let’s be incomplete
As the last chord faded out, I sat staring at the phone, my heart racing.
“Scott,” he breathed finally. “That was… That was really, really good.”
I let out a sigh of relief. It wasn’t that I had expected him to not like it, but hearing him say he did reassured me. I put my guitar aside and picked the phone back up.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. I really mean it, you know I do.”
“I know, babe. It feels good to have something finished. I’m not exactly working towards a deadline or anything, but I am working. And that’s more than I’ve been able to say for a while.”
“Well, maybe I can provide some… inspiration… when I visit,” Tay said slyly, and I chuckled, my mind crashing back into the gutter.
“Oh I’m sure you can.” The emotional outpouring was exhausting, and making me a little uncomfortable, so I was eager to focus on our more… primal feelings for a while. I thought about the shopping trip I had made just the other day, to the darkly-lit shop downtown. “Speaking of… here, sending you a pic.”
“Oh? A pic for me?” Tay giggled adorably. I got up and headed into the bedroom, grabbing the new leather restraints I’d bought and laying them out on the bed. I snapped a picture and sent it, then laid on the bed.
“…Oh. Oh, I think I am definitely going to enjoy this visit.”
“Mmm, I bet you are. That’s not all I got, either.”
“And do I get pics of those, or are you going to make me die from the anticipation?”
“Well, I could show you… or…”
“Or make me wait,” he cut me off. “Which is evil. So that’s what you’re gonna do.”
“Or,” I said again, firmly, then lowered my voice. “I could tell you.”
“You could…”
“Like, I could tell you how much I can’t wait to tie you down…” I said slowly, loving the whimper I received in response. “Blindfold you…”
“Mhm…”
“Take this pretty little knife with your name all over it… maybe leave a few marks.”
“Oh,” Taylor moaned. “I… um, that’s… that’s new.”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course I do,” he replied instantly, and I smiled. I still couldn’t understand just why he’d placed so much trust in me so quickly; it was humbling and maybe part of why I’d fallen as hard as I had. I’d never had anyone trust me so completely, never given anyone reason to, in longer than I could remember. Knowing he put that much faith in me made me determined not to let him down.
“Good. You know I’d never really hurt you, babe.”
“I know.”
“So, like I was saying… mark you up good. Scratch my initials in that pretty little ass of yours.”
“I… okay.” Tay whimpered again, and I wondered if he was getting as much enjoyment out of this as I was; I sure as hell hoped so.
“Don’t worry, I’m not gonna brand you or nothing. Unless you want me to,” I added under my breath. We were pushing some limits here, but better to test by talking than by doing.
“I’m not so sure that’s…the best idea. You just took me a little by surprise there.”
“Hey, if I ever cross a line, or start doing something you’re not comfortable with, just tell me. Got it?”
“I will, I promise. I don’t think I even know where those lines are, though,” he added, and we both laughed.
“Well, you never know what you like til you try it, right? Of course, I’ve got plenty other things we can try.”
“I’m sure I’ll like all of it. Haven’t found much of anything so far that I don’t.”
“Well, let’s see, what other toys did I pick up…” I sat up, looking over at the bag at the foot of the bed. “If you don’t like the knife, maybe heat things up with a little wax?”
“Wax is good,” he sighed, and I grinned.
“Is it now?”
“I mean, or so I’ve heard…”
“Right,” I chuckled. “Then, there’s always the other extreme.”
“Mhm?”
“Nothing feels better after a burn than some cold, wet, ice.
“That’s… that’s true.” Tay’s tone was a little breathless, and I got a wicked idea.
“I wonder…”
“Hmm?”
“Oh… just thinking,” I replied, trying to sound innocent. “I seem to remember stashing some… popsicles.. in the freezer.”
“P-popsicles?”
“Mhm. They’re not bad… probably taste better being licked off your body, though.”
Tay whimpered again, enough to make me curious.
“You bein’ bad over there?” I knew he was, I could tell by the hitch in his breath that he was jerking off. I wasn’t even upset, despite the rule I’d set in place. The mental image of him lying in his bunk stroking himself was making me think about doing the same thing. Still, I wanted to hear him say it.
“H-how much trouble would I be in if I were?”
“Tell you what. I’ll let this one slide… if you tell me what it is you’re thinking.” I grinned, waiting for Tay’s response.
“Just… just imagining everything you’re saying. And maybe I wouldn’t mind earning a little bit of punishment this time.”
“Oh yeah? Well if that’s what my baby needs…”
“It is,” he answered, a bit too quickly. I had a feeling I knew why.
“So maybe I won’t be so gentle when you get here then.”
“You know you never need to be gentle with me…”
“If it’s what you need, I do,” I said softly.
“But not… not right now, Scott.”
“You talkin’ back to me?” I growled. I wasn’t actually upset, but right then he obviously needed Dom Scott.
“I didn’t… I didn’t mean to, no. S-sorry.”
“Yeah, well maybe sorry’s not good enough. Maybe I should forget the wax, try out your other toy.”
“M-my other toy?” he panted, and I chuckled.
“I’ll give you a hint.” I got up and put the phone on speaker again, then grabbed the cat o’ nine tails from the bag. I held the phone out as I brought the leather down hard against the edge of the bed.
“Oh!” He gasped. “Oh, I think… I think I’m going to have a new favorite toy.”
“Yeah? You want me to tan your ass?” I asked, smaking the bed again. “Maybe leave some welts?”
“Yes,” he moaned loudly. “Ugh, please, Scott…”
“Yeah, I’ll whip you good,” I said, getting into a rhythm. “Won’t be able to sit down for a week when I’m through with you. You like that?”
“Oh god, yes.”
“Yes what?” I growled.
“Y-yes, master?” he panted. “That sounds s-so good, Scott.”
“Damn right it does. You know what else sounds good?”
“Wh-what?”
“Me tasting that sweet ass of yours.”
“Oh god, Scott. Sounds so good…”
“Yeah? Want me to lick you all over?”
“Yes, please. Please, l-lick me.”
“Such a dirty little slut,” I chuckled. “Aren’t you?”
“Yes,” he whimpered. “Yes I am. Your dirty little slut, Scott.”
“Damn right you’re mine.” I paused long enough to take the phone off speaker, drop trou and lay down, taking my aching hard-on in hand. “Gotta get you nice and wet so I can fuck you, right?”
“Yes, oh god… Please, fuck me, please.”
“No one gets this ass but me. You’re mine, aren’t you?” I stroked myself furiously, lost in the thought of slamming into him hard and fast, his loud moans spurring me on.
“Yes! All yours, Scott.”
“Taylor,” I growled, climaxing. His breathy squeak told me he was hitting his at the same time. We both fell silent for a minute, our heaving breaths the only sound. After a few moments I sighed, smirking.
“All mine, huh?”
“I am, you know I am,” he replied softly.
“Yeah. And… you know.”
“I do, I know.”
“You feeling a little better now?” I asked, his contented sigh answer enough.
“I am, thank you.”
“Hey, that’s my job. How ‘bout I let you get some rest now?”
“Mmm, I think I need it,” he chuckled.
“Yeah, I wasn’t kidding about needing your energy. And hey, don’t forget… homework.”
“I’ll get plenty of rest, I promise,” he laughed, then fell silent for a moment. “And I’ll do my research. I just… I really can’t wait to see you.”
“I know babe,” I said softly. “Me too.”
“Just two more weeks,” he sighed.
“Hey, Tay?”
“Yeah, Scott?”
I took a shaky breath. It felt strange to be so nervous, especially considering I wasn’t saying anything we didn’t both already know. But somehow voicing it made me feel more vulnerable than I was used to.
“You know I’m yours too. Right?”
“I do, Scott. I know.”
“Right,” I said, trying to hide the fact that I was grinning like an idiot. “Well, get some sleep, babe. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Goodnight Scott,” he sighed. Then, in a softer tone, he added, “Love you.”
“Love you too.”