Oct. 28, 2013. The Priory Hotel, Pittsburgh, PA.
Taylor
There was a special place reserved for me in hell. I was certain of that. But seeing Zac like that, so ready for me and so needy… it just did things to me. He truly had taken his punishment well, and I couldn’t resist the urge to reward him for that.
His voice went up an octave as he voiced his agreement that he’d been good enough to deserve something special, and I couldn’t help chuckling softly at him. That moment of amusement passed quickly, though, replaced by pure desire. I darted my tongue out again, letting it slide into Zac.
“Tay!” He gasped out.
“Mhm?”
“D-do that again,” he replied breathlessly.
I chuckled a little, realizing this was surely the first time anyone had done such a thing to him–hell, it was the first time I had been on the giving end–and in his current state, it was probably just a bit more than he could handle. Still, I decided to give him what he asked for, letting my tongue slide in and out of him slowly at first.
Zac moaned loudly, rocking his hips back toward me. That only further encouraged me, and I picked up the pace until I was practically fucking him with my tongue. I couldn’t help letting out a moan of my own; I hadn’t given it much thought before deciding to try this out on Zac, but it turned out I really, really liked it, too… perhaps almost as much as he did.
“F-fuck, Ta… Master… please…” Zac gasped out, and from the corner of my eyes, I could see him gripping the sheets tightly.
I pulled back. “Please what?”
His only response was a whimper.
Giving his ass a hard smack, I repeated, “Please what?”
“I… I don’t…” He gasped out, his words barely more than whimpers.
“You don’t what, baby?” I asked a bit more gently, caressing the spot I had smacked. He had to be overwhelmed, I was sure, and I knew there was a fine line between pushing him and pushing him too far.
“I don’t… I don’t know…”
“You don’t know… what you want?” I asked, trying to guide him toward an answer without prodding too much.
He nodded.
I let out a soft chuckle, realizing that he was already very, very far gone. I didn’t know whether to be worried or pleased with myself that I had pushed him so hard that he couldn’t even make his own decisions and was entirely reliant on me… his master. “Oh, baby… you know you don’t have to pick, right?”
Zac merely glanced over his shoulder at me, a somewhat quizzical look on his face.
“Zac, I’m gonna fuck you. But…” I grinned, and flicked my tongue against him. “We can do a little more of this first.”
He let out a little moan, then said, “Th-thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I replied, giving him a little smile.
He rocked his hips back in response, and I chuckled softly at his neediness. Nevertheless, I complied, leaning back in and swirling my tongue just around his entrance. I tried to steady his trembling with a hand on his hip as I pressed my tongue into him again. Once again, Zac rocked back against me, helping me to set a rhythm as I essentially fucked him with my tongue.
Zac glanced over his shoulder at me and a shiver ran through my body. I pulled back, breathless, and said, “God, Zac… I love your ass…”
I punctuated the statement by pressing a kiss to his left cheek, and Zac just blushed. I moved back in, but he finally spoke, causing me to pause.
“Tay?” Zac said, biting his lip as though he were nervous about what he wanted to say.
“Yeah, baby?”
“C-can you…”
“Hmm?” I couldn’t even be annoyed; he was adorable, struggling to say what he wanted.
“Can you,” he began again, his voice lower, “fuck me now?”
“You don’t have to ask me twice,” I replied with a chuckle as I sat up and moved into position behind Zac. Without giving him a chance to say anything else, I thrust into him all at once, slipping easily in with just one thrust.
“Fuck!” Zac cried out, and I echoed the sentiment, my entire body shaking so hard I had to grasp Zac’s hips to stay upright. He glanced over his shoulder at me. “You okay?”
“Mhm,” I replied. “Been thinking about this all day…”
“Yeah?” Zac asked as I slowly began to thrust. “Me too.”
“Yeah, I bet you have been,” I replied. “Wishing it was me instead of that little plug…”
He mumbled his agreement, his entire body shaking as I built up my speed.
“Fuck,” I moaned out. “I oughta make you wear that more often, keep you all ready for me…”
“Yes…” Zac moaned.
I grasped his hips, my fingernails digging into his soft flesh, and pulled him back against me. “Yeah, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? You little slut.”
“Yes, Master,” he whined.
“Fuck,” I panted. “Love your slutty little ass.”
“Y-yes,” Zac replied. “Love your cock..”
“Yeah?” I asked, grinning as I thrust into him even harder. “Tell me how much you love it, baby.”
“Love it so much,” he moaned.
I grabbed his hair and pulled him upright, not breaking my rhythm at all. “Such a good little slut.”
“Yes, Master,” he replied, his hand reaching back to grasp at my hair. “So good for you.”
“Fuck,” I moaned out as he tugged at my hair, something I was enjoying too much to even think of punishing him for. Without thinking, I said, “Kiss me, Zac.”
He turned his head to blink at me, his eyes full of surprise.
I took his chin in my hand, making sure he didn’t turn away even though I knew it wasn’t the most comfortable position for kissing. “Was that a question?”
Zac just whimpered in response, then leaned in and crushed his lips against mine. I nibbled on his bottom lip as I found my rhythm again. I felt dampness on my cheeks, and didn’t know what to make of that, but I was too far gone to really question it.
I pulled back, somewhat reluctantly, from the kiss and rested my head against Zac’s.
“T-Tay…” he said softly, a sniffle escaping along with his words.
“Yeah, baby?”
“So good…” He replied.
“Mhm,” I replied, grinning with relief that he still seemed happy enough. “You sure are.”
“So good to me,” he clarified, kissing up my neck and nibbling on my ear.
I mumbled my agreement–at least, I was trying to be good to him—and dug my fingernails into his hips.
“Don’t deserve you…” Zac mumbled, kissing my neck, my cheek, any patch of my skin he could find, it seemed.
“S’not true,” I replied, almost too breathless to speak. “You deserve to be treated so well, Zac.”
He sniffled and looked down, his dark eyelashes concealing his eyes so that I couldn’t even begin to guess what he was thinking or feeling.
I pulled back a bit and said softly, “Lay down, baby.”
Zac blinked up at me, confusion written all over his face.
“Lay down,” I said more sternly. “On your back.”
“O-okay…” Zac replied a bit nervously, but still nodded and laid down carefully.
I climbed on top of him, nudging his legs apart and lining myself up. Instead of immediately thrusting into him, though, I leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss. This sudden need to shower him with affection was strange, and I wasn’t entirely sure I understood it. All I knew was that it seemed necessary to me right then. Maybe I needed it even more than Zac did.
Even though he probably didn’t understand it either, he kissed me back. I cupped his cheek in my hand as we kissed, and slid into him gently. Zac whimpered, but gave little other resistance, and a moment later I felt his arms hesitantly wrap around me.
I built up a slow but steady pace, thrusting deeply into him each time until our moans mingled together in perfect harmony. Zac held on tightly to me and I felt those strange emotions bubbling up again.
“So good, Zac,” I breathed out.
“Yes, you are,” he replied.
I leaned down and nipped at his neck. “No, you are.”
Zac’s only response was a gasp, and that spurred me on.
“So fucking good,” I continued, punctuating the statement by nibbling on his neck again, then licking the spot I had bitten.
He just whimpered and tightened his grasp on me, as though he were afraid I would leave if he weren’t holding me in place. I rested my head against his, hoping he knew that wasn’t a valid fear, but the tears I felt rolling down his cheeks told me that he didn’t entirely believe it. When he placed a gentle kiss on the tip of my nose, I had to giggle, both out of surprise and relief.
“So fucking cute,” I said, smiling down at him.
Zac let out a sad laugh that I knew meant he didn’t agree with me.
“Hey,” I said as sternly as I could manage. “You are. Don’t argue.”
He sniffled, but forced himself to nod. His voice shaking a bit, he replied, “Th-thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” I replied
I leaned down to give him a kiss that I hoped would soothe his worries. I felt more than heard his shaky sigh, but he slowly relaxed into the kiss, although his grip on me only tightened as I deepened the kiss and rolled my hips harder against his. Again, I felt the tears rolling down his cheeks and pulled back, resting my forehead against his and staring into his beautiful, sad eyes. He stared back at me, one fat tear rolling down his cheek.
Was it me? Had I done something wrong, or was it just the emotion of the whole thing? I didn’t know. All I knew was that I couldn’t bear the thought that I might have somehow hurt him when all I wanted was to give him what he wanted and protect him at the same time. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but I had to try. Shaking a little, I leaned down and kissed every inch of his face, from his fluttering eyelids to his parted lips. Another fat tear fell from his eye and I kissed that spot, too, licking up the salty liquid.
Zac gave a little gasp at that, and I could feel him shivering all over. I didn’t know what he needed from me, and chances were he didn’t know either, but I knew what I needed. I needed him to know how much all of this meant to me, how I needed this perhaps as much as he did, if not in the same way.
Touching his cheek gently, I said the only thing that came close to expressing what I really felt. “Love you, baby.”
Zac
I stared up at Tay in shock. I felt my lip shaking; I really, really didn’t want to cry any more than I already had, but my eyes were hot and stinging. The words I’d wanted to hear from him for so long, the words I’d never thought I’d hear him say… and they hurt worse than I could have imagined.
“D-don’t.”
“What?” Tay’s brow furrowed; did he really not understand? I looked away, mentally cursing the tear that I could feel rolling down my cheek.
“Just… don’t. I…”
“Zac…”
“Don’t ruin it, okay?” I closed my eyes; I didn’t even want to look at him right then, because I knew if I did I would fall for it. I’d fall for his words and let myself believe the lie. And when the truth came crashing down… I didn’t know if I could take it.
“Yeah. Okay.”
I had to push my feelings aside and just enjoy what I had. I reached down to stroke myself, forcing myself to focus on the physical pleasure. Still, his voice rang in my head, the words echoing in the background, taunting me. I heard him sigh, and felt him speed up; maybe he wanted to hurry up and get it over with, and right then I was fine with that.
He felt amazing; it wasn’t hard to get lost in how he felt thrusting into me. I let out a soft moan, and heard him whimper. I looked up at him; his eyes were squeezed shut tight as he moaned. He looked so beautiful. I reached up to touch his chest; this was all I had, but I was still happy to have it. As my fingers brushed his skin he gasped, his eyes flying open to meet mine. His eyes were watering; why did he look like he was about to cry? I didn’t know, but just as I’d feared, I felt myself getting sucked in by their depths of emotion, feeling my own eyes watering again.
A couple tears fell from his eyes as he stared down at me; he bit his lip hard, and my mind registered how closely his expression mirrored how I felt. His words rang in my ears again… but no, he was lying. He had to have been. He loved Scott, not… I reached up to touch his cheek. He trembled, biting his lip harder, and the last shred of reserve I had dissolved. Even if he had just said it to please me, I didn’t care anymore.
I pulled him down and kissed him hard; he let out an adorable squeak that I normally would have teased him for. I felt tears on my cheek, and I didn’t know whose they were. I felt my chest heave as I sobbed, giving myself over completely. The physical pleasure seemed to amplify with the added emotions; my hips bucked against him as I held him tight.
“Fuck,” he cursed, his whole body shaking.
“T-tay…”
“Yeah…”
“S-so close.” I wasn’t going to last much longer; I didn’t want it to end, not now, but it was just too good, too overwhelming.
“Me too,” he nodded, whimpering again. I stared up at him, warring with myself over whether to speak what I felt or keep it in. Another tear rolled down his face, and I shivered, making up my mind.
I braced myself and shivered as I said the words I’d forbidden myself from saying for so long “L-love… you.”
He closed his eyes, and I swore my heart stopped. That was it; I’d ruined everything. But then he spoke. “Love you too.”
That was all it took to send me over the edge. I gasped, trembling as I came harder than I could ever remember. He whimpered my name a moment later, filling me up and collapsing on top of me.
Before I could enjoy the warmth of the moment, reality came crashing back down. All my thoughts of him meaning what he said vanished, replaced with the cold, gripping knowledge that he could never really feel that way about me. And now on top of that, he had confirmation of just how fucked up I really was.
I heard him sniffling a bit as he pulled out, but he stayed where he was, laying on me. Part of me, a big part, wanted him to just go away and stop pretending, because it hurt worse than I ever thought it would. I turned my head away, not wanting to cry anymore but unable to stop. I heard him sigh as he rolled off of me, laying beside me. I curled up on my side, facing away. I couldn’t even look at him; it just hurt so fucking bad.
He held out a few tissues; I cleaned myself up quickly, staring at anything but him. A minute later I tensed up as I felt him curling up against me.
“Z-zac?” Me said quietly, sniffling.
“What.” My voice sounded hoarse, and I hated it.
“Are you okay?”
“Fine.” What did he want from me? Why couldn’t he just leave me alone to sulk? The sadness gripping me started to twist into anger.
“Zac,” he sighed.
“Why?” I deserved to know what I’d done to deserve this. I’d been good, done everything he’d asked. I felt horrible enough; why did he need to make it worse?
“Why what?”
“Why did you lie to me?”
“Zac. I didn’t lie.”
“Yes, you did,” I said, raising my voice. “I just want to know why. Did you think it would make me feel better? Cuz it didn’t.”
“I didn’t lie,” he insisted, whimpering.
“Stop it!” I yelled, flipping over to glare at him. He actually flinched away, like he thought I’d punch him or something. It could happen, if he didn’t stop lying.
“I get it,” I said, trying to keep my voice as calm as possible, which given my emotional state, wasn’t much.
“You love him. You love me as a brother, but that’s it. I get that, and I’m trying to accept it. But then you pull this shit.” I felt my eyes stinging again, and I hated it more than ever; the last thing I wanted right then was to look weak. But I was weak around Taylor, and always had been, so why should now be any different?
“If you want to fuck, that’s fine. But don’t try to pretend it’s something it isn’t. I stopped doing that.”
“Z-zac,” he tried again, his voice sounding weak, almost broken even. “You’re n-not listening to me.”
I sighed, but kept my mouth shut. Whatever he had to say, I didn’t really care anymore, but I’d let him try.
“I’m not lying,” he said again, his voice barely above a whisper. I eyed him, a chill running down my spine. I waited, but he didn’t say anything else, turning away and curling up.
“Tay,” I said softly. He looked so small, so vulnerable. Again, he looked like I felt.
“What?”
“I’m sorry I yelled.”
“S’okay…”
“I just… I mean, you said…” I sniffled, trying to put my thoughts into words. I was so confused; his words and his actions seemed completely disjointed. “
“I know what I said.”
“So then… how?” He wasn’t making any sense at all; in a way he was, but I couldn’t trust the train of thought my mind was on.
“How what?”
“People don’t just change their minds like that. Either you… you love someone, or you…”
“Or,” Tay said softly, “you fall in love with them without even realizing it’s happening?”
I blinked; wasn’t that exactly what had happened to me? Sure, it’d taken longer, but… suddenly it made sense, the conflicting messages he’d been sending. I felt a new surge of emotion come over me, the hope that maybe, just maybe, he really did feel the same. I reached out to touch his shoulder, but he flinched.
“Sorry,” I said, pulling away.
“S’okay,” he shrugged, and I sighed.
“Stop that. Stop just taking everything. I mean, I know you’re a sub, but come on.” It was probably the worst time to make jokes, but the tension was too thick, and heaven knew he wouldn’t be the one to break it. He just groaned, though.
“What do you want me to do then?”
“You’re the Dom,” I replied, shrugging. Then, I got an idea. It was probably horrible, but I figured things couldn’t get much worse, so I gave him a tiny smile. “Make me believe you.”
I expected him to say something, or hesitate, but he just rolled his eyes and grabbed me, kissing me hard.
If his words hadn’t convinced me, his kiss did. I moaned against his mouth, feeling everything he was pouring into it. I felt like crying, or laughing or both. I tangled my fingers in his hair, not wanting to ever let go. He slowly pulled away after a minute, though, nibbling on my bottom lip as he did.
“Well?” he asked, panting and staring me down. I’d never seen him look at me that way before, and it scared me a little how strong and obvious the emotions behind it were.
“Hmm,” I said, smirking a little. “Not quite convinced yet…”
He groaned and rolled his eyes, and I giggled. After everything he’d put me through, he deserved a little teasing of his own.
“So… you mean it?” I pouted a little, still having a hard time believing this was really happening.
“I do,” he replied, nodding and pouting. For a moment I wondered what he had to be sad about, but then I realized. And just like that I was crashing again, so fast I felt a little nauseous. I looked down, afraid to ask, but I knew I had to.
“But what about Scott?”
“I don’t know,” he said softly. “I love him, too.”
I let out a shaky sigh. I was never going to have everything I wanted. But maybe that was for the best.
“You should be with him then.”
“I am with him,” he sighed. “And it’s not like, I mean… We’re brothers, Zac. It doesn’t change how I feel, but…”
“I know,” I said, nodding. I gave him a smile, the best I could muster, but I knew it wasn’t much. “It’s okay. I can settle for being your sub.”
“Yeah?” He eyed me, sniffling again.
“Yeah. It’s better than nothing.”
“Okay… if you say so.”
He pulled me close, and I wrapped my arms around him. It wasn’t what I wanted, but it was the best he could offer, and it was more than I’d ever expected. He loved me; that was the important thing. No, we could never date, but like he’d said, it wasn’t like we could anyway. He loved me. And for that, it was worth taking what I could get.