Oct. 21, 2013. Tour bus on I-75 South.
Zac
After the Scott… thing… things between Tay and me got better. Awkward, and still kind of tense, but it was a good tension now. Scott took off in the morning, and Tay and I got back on the bus, and the mood felt something almost like normal, for the first time since the tour started. I still didn’t totally get Tay’s relationship with Scott, but at least I had a bit better understanding of it. He made Tay happy; that was obvious enough, and that was all that really mattered to me.
I looked up as Tay came into the back room and sat next to me; I caught the slight wince, and smirked.
“Still a little sore?” I teased. He nodded, pouting adorably.
“S’not funny.”
“I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?” I realized how sarcastic my comment had come out, even though it wasn’t intended that way.
“Well, you can’t unfuck my ass.” He threw me a smirk, and I rolled my eyes. Sometimes he could be almost as much of a smartass as me.
“Not like you were complaining.”
“Nope. Not at all.” He shifted in his seat and winced again; I giggled before I could stop myself.
“Hush,” he scolded, but I just stuck my tongue out at him. “If I weren’t comfortable, I’d get up and bite that thing off.” His threat just made me laugh more, but he leaned over and flicked my nose.
“Hey!” It hadn’t really hurt, but I scrunched my nose at the weird tickle it caused. He giggled and did it again; I answered back with a growl, which made him shiver. I smirked impishly and set my controller aside. “You like that, huh?”
“Apparently.”
I leaned closer, arching an eyebrow and growling again, low enough to feel it in my chest. Tay trembled, and gave me a soft nudge; I wasn’t sure if it was supposed to discourage or encourage, but he’d started something, and I wasn’t planning on stopping just yet.
“Someone’s feeling a little frisky today.” He pouted as he spoke, but it didn’t look totally sincere to me.
“maybe.”
“Aren’t you tired?” he asked, looking almost hopeful. “A little sore?”
It was a good question; logically, I should’ve been in almost as much pain as Tay. It’d been a while since I’d last used my toy, and Scott hadn’t exactly gone easy on me. I felt just fine though; okay, maybe there was a little discomfort, but the emotional high I was on made it easy to ignore. I didn’t want to tell him all that, though, so I just shrugged.
“Why am I not surprised that you have the endurance of a teenager,” he deadpanned, rolling his eyes.
“Jealous?” I giggled as Tay huffed, crossing his arms and looking away. “Such a baby…” I tugged his ear, and he yelped.
“Zac! Meanie. Play nice, I can’t punish you right now.”
“I know,” I chuckled. His eyes narrowed, and I could practically see the gears turning.
“That’s why you’re being this way. You bastard,” he cursed when I gave him my best innocent smile. I laughed; it hadn’t been my intention from the start, but the thought had crossed my mind. He gave a tiny growl, and I blinked, giggling a bit.
“What’s so funny?”
“You.”
“What about me?”
“You’re not very intimidating, you know… ‘Bout as scary as a toy poodle,” I snorted.
“Yeah, well…” Tay huffed, scowling. “You’re not as scary as you think you are, either.”
That was news to me. I raised an eyebrow, calling his bluff, but he just smirked.
“Didn’t look very scary all tied up on the floor.”
I felt myself blush; I’d been hoping he wouldn’t bring that up, but I supposed I’d earned it.
“Didn’t look very scary with my cock in your mouth, either,” he went on, lowering his voice. I blushed harder, looking down. “Or Scott’s cock in your ass…”
I bit my lip hard. The memory of being dominated by Scott left me with all kinds of conflicting feelings, more of them good than not. I wasn’t interested in Scott in any kind of emotional sense; I could see how his relationship with Tay worked, but I had a feeling if I was in my brother’s position, I’d spend all our time wanting to deck the smug bastard. Physically, however… He wasn’t exactly my type, but I wasn’t exactly complaining, either. I wondered what it would be like to have him punish me, really punish, like he did to Taylor, not just tease like he did me.
“No biting,” Tay reminded me, running a finger along my lip; I nipped at him and he jumped back. I giggled, but he retaliated by flicking my ear. I flinched, sneering.
“Be nice,” he warned, but I just smirked.
“Or what?” All thoughts of the Canadian aside, he wasn’t the one I really wanted.
“I think it would be more effective to threaten not to punish you,” Taylor said, rolling his eyes. I blinked, surprised at his logical insight. “Well, you like the punishment so much… clearly you’re just trying to earn more of it.”
“Maybe,” I mumbled, smiling sheepishly.
“Well, that’s just not gonna work. You’re kinda tricky,” he mused, tilting his head to think. “I’m just gonna have to find some other punishments for you.”
“Like what?” I smiled a bit, genuinely curious what he’d come up with.
“I’m thinking. Be patient.” After a minute, he smirked. “Well, you remember what Scott said about how often you’re allowed to jerk off?”
“Y-yeah?” My smile fell as I remembered the limit I’d been given. If Tay didn’t give me what I wanted soon, I was going to have to break that rule pretty quick.
“I like that. That’s a good rule for you. But I’m not sure it’s enough.”
My eyes widened; just how strict was he going to be?
“See, I don’t think you’ve been good enough to deserve any toys… Where is it?” he demanded. I blushed hard. I didn’t think he’d take that away, but I probably should have expected it. “Zac,” he urged.
“D-duffel bag,” I answered quietly. “Under my bunk.”
He nodded, standing up. “I’ll be right back.”
“But…” He was going to get it now?
“But what?”
“Nothing,” I sighed, setting my jaw. “Not like I use it that much,” I mumbled, but apparently not quietly enough.
“Well now you won’t be using it at all. Unless I say.” With a self-assured smirk he walked out of the room. I sighed, pouting as I waited for him to return. I really didn’t care that much; now that I’d had the real thing, nothing would compare.
I looked around aimlessly, letting my thoughts wander. Where did Tay and I stand now? So much had happened, even beyond the sex.
I remembered lying next to Taylor in the afterglow. The way he’d held me, asking if I was alright, whispering comforting words. The way he’d teasingly thrown my words back at me. And when he’d kissed me… maybe I’d been delusional, or just projecting my own feelings, but I could have sworn I’d sensed… something. I didn’t want to put too much thought into it, though; even if I was right, he had a wife and a boyfriend.
He came back a few minutes later; I stowed the emotional thoughts as he sat next to me.
“There. And you better not go looking for it.”
“Is that it?” I smirked. I knew I was asking for trouble, but we both knew what a glutton for punishment I was, literally, so why not?
“For now,” Tay answered with a shrug.
“Okay,” I snorted.
“Hey, I’m new at this and you are not an easy sub to start with, okay?” Tay pouted, and I just smirked more. “Little bitch,” he huffed, crossing his arms. He glared at me when I chuckled, and I tried to look contrite.
“Sorry…”
“Yeah, I can tell you are.”
“So how’s Scotty?” I asked, rolling my eyes. I didn’t want to bring him up, but Tay’s face softened a little, and that’d been the point.
“He’s good… really good. Just don’t call him Scotty, apparently.”
“You know I’m gonna,” I snorted.
“Yeah well, have fun taking the punishment for it.”
I grinned, and Tay huffed again. I still wasn’t as big a Scotty fanboy as Tay, but he definitely knew what he was doing, I had to give him that.
“Guess it was more fun for you, though. You weren’t the one getting your dick bitten.”
“Yeah… sorry bout that. Reflex.” I still remembered the panic I’d felt when I’d heard Tay’s painful cry.
“Yeah, I know. You didn’t do half bad, though, besides that.”
“Yeah?” I smiled proudly.
“Mhm. If I didn’t know better, I’d think you had been practicing…”
I blushed, giggling a bit. Tay had been the first guy I’d ever given head to, technically…
“…You haven’t, have you?” He asked, but I just shrugged. “Zac”
“I might’ve… tried it… on one of my toys,” I said, looking down. “Just to see what it felt like.”
“Oh… okay.” Tay’s eyes widened a bit; I wondered if he was picturing it.
“Not the big one,” I clarified, but he giggled.
“With that mouth? You could take it. Hell, you deep-throated me like it was nothing.”
I felt my cheeks flush at the memory of it, the way he’d tasted; it was nothing like I’d imagined, soft, warm flesh instead of tasteless unyielding plastic. He nudged me, with a shy hint of a smirk.
“I definitely wasn’t that good my first time,” he admitted.
“No?” I tried not to wonder who he’d gone down on, even though I had a pretty good idea.
“Nope. Gag reflex. I got better, but it took practice.”
“Huh,” I mused, tilting my head. “Guess I don’t have one.”
“Lucky bitch,” Tay teased, and I smirked back at him.
“Well you’re the one that gets the benefit,” I reminded him, making him grin.
“True…”
I looked up and down his body briefly, my mind filled with images from the night before, and possible future activities. He raised an eyebrow, and I smirked shyly; it felt so strange to be able to look at him openly, after having to hide it for so long.
“See something ya like, Zaccy?” he teased.
“Maybe.”
“Not right now,” he groaned, rolling his eyes. “Gimme a little more time to recover, please.”
“Aw,” I cooed, giggling. “Wittle Tay too sore to come out and play?”
“Wittle Tay?” he echoed, staring skeptically at me, but I ignored it, placing a hand on his thigh.
“Besides, I thought it was your ass that was sore.”
“Yeah, well, the rest of me is tired too,” he whined, pouting.
I rubbed his leg slowly and leaned closer, lowering my voice. “You sure? I could make you feel better…”
“Right here? Back of the bus where anyone could walk in?”
“The door’s got a lock, doesn’t it?” I answered with a shrug. Yeah it was risky, but my head was swimming with the thought of being able to touch him again.
“Aww, you don’t wanna leave it unlocked? Not as kinky as I thought you were…” He was probably kidding, but he should have known not to challenge me.
“Fine,” I said simply, before dropping to my knees in front of him and kissing his neck.
“Well, okay then,” he gasped.
I felt him trembling, but I was on a mission. My fingers tore at the buttons on his shirt, and I covered each newly-exposed inch of skin with lips and teeth. I heard him gasp, and moan something that might’ve been my name; I bit down on one of his nipples and glanced up, relishing the meek whimper the action drew from him.
I wasn’t stopping there though; I kept moving lower, unzipping his jeans and tugging them down. I could feel the heat of his erection even before I saw it. When I did look down my mouth watered instantly; I looked up into his eyes, as dark with need as I was sure mine were.
“Already hard for me, hm?” It was a rhetorical question; I had a feeling he’d been aching for me since he’d entered the room, if not before. And the feeling was definitely mutual. I wanted to pounce on him, to take him in every way, but I also wanted to savor the moment. I still wasn’t entirely sure this wasn’t some hallucination caused by a batch of laced weed; even if it wasn’t, I had no idea how many chances like this I’d get. I had to treat every time with him like it could be our last.
Taylor
All I could do was whimper pathetically and nod.
Zac could veer so wildly from one end of the spectrum to the other–from sweet and innocent to the most depraved, sensual being I’d ever seen. Right then, he was on the latter end of the spectrum, his tongue swirling teasingly around the head of my dick before he dove onto it completely.
“Fuck, Zac!” I cried out, my hips bucking up off the couch.
Zac moaned, sending pleasing vibrations through my body, and bobbed his head up and down quickly. His enthusiasm made it all the more enjoyable; it was fun to shame him, but it was a different sort of fun to see my brother come out of his sexual shell. And that, I supposed, was proof that I really was going to hell.
“Suck it, Zac,” I groaned. Yep. Definitely going to hell.
He whimpered a little, but nodded; I wasn’t fully in Dom mode–if I even had such a thing–but Zac obviously understood that I had given him an order. See him on his knees did things to me, though. I wasn’t sure what Dom space felt like, but I thought I might have been drifting closer to it.
“Such a good little cocksucker,” I mumbled. When Zac stared up at me, seeming perhaps a little unsure of himself, I ran my fingers through his hair and gave him a smile. Lowering my voice a bit, I added, “Come on. Show me what you got.”
He obliged, taking me a little farther into his mouth, his tongue twisting and curling around me in a way that had me nearly screaming. I forced myself to bite back most of the obscenities I wanted to shout, knowing we couldn’t draw that much attention to ourselves. I couldn’t keep my hips from bucking up toward him, though. He pushed further and further until he was deepthroating me, and I watched his hand creep down to grip his own dick through his jeans.
I placed my hand firmly on his shoulder. “Did I say you could touch yourself?”
Zac’s eyes widened and he whimpered, but he didn’t say a word. At least he wasn’t arguing.
“Get me off first,” I said, giving him a little smirk, “and then I’ll see how I feel.”
He pouted a bit as he drew his hand back, but still, he wasn’t arguing. That was a victory for me.
“Good boy,” I said, the words trailing off into a groan as he sucked harder. When his fingers brushed against my balls, my tone turned serious again. “That better be as far as you plan on going with that hand.”
He paused, seeming to contemplate what I had said, and for a moment I thought he would object. Finally, he nodded.
“Good,” I replied, grabbing a fistful of his hair. “Now fucking suck.”
The night before, I had been shocked at how good Zac was at giving head. It was, strangely, one of the things that surprised me most about the entire sordid scene. I didn’t think I would ever tire of seeing the depraved lengths my brother would go to, and right then, I was happy to take advantage of that depravity. As he continued to suck my dick for all he was worth, I could do little more than moan out words of encouragement.
“So close already…” My head fell back against the leather couch and I moaned loudly, past the point of caring if anyone heard.
Zac licked eagerly, his tongue lapping at my slit; I moaned his name loudly in response. I felt his tongue curling around the tip of my dick and once again I had to marvel at his natural skill. Shamelessly, I moaned out, “Zac… gonna come. You better swallow it all.”
He mumbled something that sounded affirmative, his hand reaching up to wrapped around the base of my dick and jerk what wasn’t in his mouth. My hips bucked up involuntarily as he sucked harder than before.
“Here it comes,” I warned him, the words trailing off into a groan.
He stared up at me, eyes wide and full of some emotion I couldn’t place, and that was all it took to push me the rest of the way over the edge. My hips bucked up again, pushing me further into his mouth, and my head fell back against the couch. A violent shudder ran through my body as Zac eagerly lapped up every drop I had to offer. He stayed in place, diligently cleaning up the mess he’d made.
“Fuck,” I said, panting too hard to say much more. “Good boy.”
Zac just smiled up at me and licked his lips.
“Damn…” I breathed out.
Zac climbed onto the couch and curled up beside me. “Was that good?”
With what little energy and motor skill I had left, I tucked myself back into my jeans. Wrapping one arm around Zac reassuringly, I replied, “Mhm. So good, Zac.”
“Good enough to earn a treat?” He asked, laying his head against my shoulder.
“Hmm…” I said thoughtfully, as though I really needed to consider it. “I think so.”
Zac grinned up at me, and without the context of our conversation, he would have looked so innocent. But he was anything but, and I was slowly learning that.
“Want me to show you how it’s really done?” I asked, smirking.
Zac raised an eyebrow. “Thought you said I was good.”
“You are, baby,” I replied, giggling. “It was a joke.”
“I like it when you call me that,” he said softly, a tiny smile playing at the corner of his lips.
“Yeah?” I asked.
Zac just nodded and leaned against me. I held him tightly against my side, but inside a part of me was panicking over how emotional this was getting. I honestly couldn’t say how deep my feelings for Zac ran; he was my brother, of course I loved him. But did I love him? Did he love me? Signs were pointing to yes for the latter question, and it scared me. I had to lighten the mood somehow, push things firmly back into the sexual category, because somehow that was better than emotional.
Leaning in closer to Zac, I lowered my voice and asked, “You want me to suck your cock, baby?”
He shivered and nodded, and that was a good enough answer for me. I nudged him out of my lap so that I could slide into the floor in front of him. He was still trembling, but there was a smile on his face, and that gave me the courage to continue.
I positioned myself right between his legs and ran my hands up and down his thighs, feeling how strong they were, the muscles in them straining against his jeans. When had my baby brother gotten so muscular? I supposed that was the least surprising of the changes I had noticed in him recently. Still smiling, Zac reached down and ran a hand through my hair. Reveling in the feeling of such a simple gesture, I unbuttoned and unzipped Zac’s jeans and shoved them down his thighs just far enough to reveal the bulge in his tight black boxer briefs. I rubbed it lightly, just enough to make Zac moan and rock his hips up toward my hand.
That was the last little bit of encouragement that I needed. I pulled Zac’s dick out of the slit in his briefs and stared directly up into his eyes as I swirled my tongue just around the head.
“Tay…” he whimpered, his hips just barely bucking–more of a twitch, really–upward.
I smirked. “Yeah, baby?”
“Just… good,” Zac replied, smiling contentedly.
“Yeah, I know I am,” I shot back, still smirking.
Zac rolled his eyes, and I knew I deserved that, because it really was such a cheesy comment to make. While he was distracted, I slid all the way down onto his length until he nearly bumped against the back of my throat. My eyes were trained on his as I bobbed my head up and down, building up a rhythm that made him gasp and tangle a hand deeply into my hair.
I whimpered at the feeling of him tugging on my hair, but it spurred me on, and I bobbed my head faster, hollowing my cheeks as I sucked harder. Zac only tugged harder on my hair, and I dug my fingernails into his thighs to try to gain some sort of purchase. Evidently, Zac didn’t approve of that–or perhaps he did–because he shoved my head down and thrust his hips upward at the same time. I had no choice but to go along with the pace he set and relax my jaw to take him as deeply as possible.
But I couldn’t be totally compliant; he had to remember which of us was the Dom here. Even as he tangled both hands in my hair and thrust deeply, I drug my teeth along his length. I had expected some sort of protest, but was instead met with a moan. He arched his back off the couch and I suspected that he had in fact enjoyed it.
Of course he had.
Just to test the waters, I scraped my teeth down his length again, this time with a little more force.
“Fuck…” Zac moaned out.
I pulled back, which wasn’t easy with the grip he had on my hair, and quickly replaced my mouth with my hand. “Yeah, you like that?”
“Y-yes…” He nodded.
I rewarded his quick affirmative answer with a grin, then leaned down and flicked my tongue against his slit, licking up the wetness that was already accumulating there, further proof of just how much he was enjoying this.
And since he was enjoying it so much, why deny him? I sucked him back into my mouth, shamelessly deepthroating him. I stared right up at him, because I was past the point of trying to forget that I was doing all of this with my brother. Looking at him, forcing him to keep my gaze, made it even more intense.
I dug my fingernails into his thighs again, both to steady myself and because I knew he would like it, and sure enough, he was soon begging for more. I raised an eyebrow at that, and he pouted adorably. The blush on his face was cute, but I knew it was betraying the fact that he was still somewhat ashamed to ask for what he wanted. Still, I couldn’t give in so easily.
“More what?” I asked.
“Just… m-more…” He pouted.
I flicked my tongue at his slit. “That’s kind of vague…”
“What you were doing,” he whimpered, and I could feel him beginning to come undone.
“I was doing a lot of things,” I murmured, then drug my tongue slowly down his length.
“Your nails… and teeth…” He gasped out, his eyes fluttering shut.
Satisfied with that answer, and not sure that he could take much more teasing anyway, I took him back into my mouth fully and drug my teeth down his length as I did so.
“Yes… please…” He moaned out. Softly, he added, “Make it hurt.”
Although his need scared me, I couldn’t deny him. I scraped my teeth along his length and dug my fingernails into his bare thighs so hard that I was sure he would have marks for days. Zac was practically writhing beneath me, his back arching and his hands clawing at the leather of the couch. I dug my nails even harder into his thighs, mostly just to try to hold him in place. He cried out and I watched a tear fall from his eye and trail down his cheek.
He held my head in place with one shaking hand and tried to muffle his own cries with the other as he came in my mouth. I stayed firmly in place until I had swallowed every drop and he had collapsed limply back against the couch.
As I carefully tucked Zac back into his underwear and climbed back onto the couch, I realized that he was genuinely crying. His body was only barely trembling, but his tears were falling freely.
“Baby?” I asked, curling up beside him.
Without a word, he clung to me, sobbing against my chest. Whatever was wrong, I was sure it was my fault, so I just held him tightly and let him cry. He clung to fistfuls of my shirt as his tears flowed and I wished desperately that I knew how to fix this for him.
“It’s okay, baby,” I murmured, rubbing his back. I was sure it wasn’t, but I didn’t know what else to say.
After a moment, his tears seemed to subside. I ran my fingers through his hair, trying to calm the tremors that were still running through his body.
Sniffling and not meeting my eyes, he mumbled, “Sorry.”
“No, Zac,” I said. “It’s okay. I know; it’s intense. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”
He nodded. “You’re too good to me.”
“Well, I gotta take care of you,” I replied, giving him a smile. “It’s in the job description. Gotta take care of my baby brother.”
Zac’s weak smile faded away and he sighed.
“I know, you’re not a baby,” I replied. When he just shrugged in response, I touched his cheek gently. “Is something wrong?”
“No,” he replied, but the way he tensed at my touch said otherwise.
“Zac,” I said, trying not to be too stern with him, because I wasn’t sure it was what he needed right then. “Talk to me, please.”
“It’s just…” he began, trembling again. “I know you don’t feel the same, and that’s okay. It just hurts.”
I tilted my head to the side, not entirely sure I was following his train of thought. Didn’t feel the same about what?
“Doesn’t matter,” he said, sighing again and pulling away from me. “Forget I said anything.”
“Zac, please.” I scrambled to pull him back to me, but he had planted himself with such force that I might as well have been grasping at a brick wall. Sometimes I forgot his strength, especially when he was choosing to submit to me. But in spite of that strength, his face told a different story. His eyes were wide and brimming with tears.
“Zac…” I sighed out, still not sure what was wrong, but more certain than ever that it was my fault. “I’m so sorry, baby.”
His lip trembled as he spoke. “Remember when I was little, and you kept me believing in Santa Claus?”
I nodded. Of course I remembered. By the time Avery was born a toddler, Zac had started to figure out that Santa was really our parents. I already felt like we were forcing him to grow up too quickly with the band, and seeing him become disillusioned about the whole Santa Claus thing really drove that point home. I was sure that he recognized my handwriting in the note I left next to the empty plate of cookies after I was sure Mom and Dad had finished putting out the presents and gone back to bed, but he didn’t say anything.
“And we both knew it wasn’t real… but you let me believe anyway?” He continued.
I nodded again, sniffling a little.
“Can’t it be like that?” Zac asked, a few tears falling down his cheek. “Can’t you just let me believe?”
I looked down, unable to meet his eyes. I understood it all then–why he was crying, why he seemed so conflicted when I called him baby. While my feelings for him were obviously more than brotherly, it was crystal clear now that his ran so, so much deeper. How long he had suffered with those secret feelings, I wasn’t sure, but I was certain that he had indeed suffered. Even if I did feel same, love him the way he seemed to love me, how could I undo so many years of damage?
“It’s okay,” he replied said, seeming to take my silence as some sort of answer. He stood up and finished pulling his jeans back into place and zipping them up. “Too old to believe in that stuff anyway.”
I sniffled, still unable to look him in the eyes. He sat back down and picked up his xBox controller like nothing at all out of the ordinary had happened, but I knew better than that. But whether I could fix any of this… fix us… I just didn’t know.