Oct. 16, 2013. Acacia Ave., Glendale, CA.
Scott
Inspiration can be a real bitch sometimes. She comes and goes whenever she damn well pleases; if you’re lucky, she’ll be there for you more often than not. I’ve never been all that lucky, but it looked like my dry spell was finally easing up. For the first time in ages, I was playing again, writing again. It felt good, familiar; like reconnecting with an old friend you haven’t seen in ages.
I sat on my couch, half-finished bottle of beer on the coffee table, guitar in my lap. I’d strum a few chords, then scribble a few words in my notebook; I’d been at it since lunch time, and hadn’t even realized how long I’d been at it when my cell phone rang. I smiled as soon as I saw Tay’s name and set the guitar aside.
“Hey babe.”
“Hey…” he said, sounding tired.
“How’s the tour?”
“Pretty good. Tonight’s show was really good.”
“How bout you? Been following the rules?” At least I knew one he’d been good about; he’d called or texted every day for the past week and a half. I hoped he was taking the other ones to heart, especially the one about taking time for himself.
“Um… yeah.” There was an obvious hesitation, and I felt a shadow of the doubt I’d had at first.
“…Tay?”
“Yeah?”
“Something you’re not telling me?”
“I… well, I’m still not doing great on the whole ‘not biting my lip’ thing…”
“That’s okay, it’s kinda cute,” I said, chuckling. I let out a breath; if that was all it was, I had nothing to worry about.
“Thanks,” he sighed, sounding so reluctant, and I laughed again.
“You know, the point is to believe it, not just say it.”
“Yeah, well, I’m working on that too.”
“And what about Taylor time?”
“I’m doing good at that. It’s annoying everybody else, but I’m doing it. Every day.” He sounded proud of himself, and it made me proud. He really did deserve it, and it felt like he was starting to believe that himself.
“Good. Everybody else can go screw,” I said, shrugging, even though he couldn’t see it. He coughed, then giggled; he always acted so surprised by my attitude. I figured he’d be used to it by now, but apparently not. “Let’s see, what else… I don’t need to ask about the sex, right?” I joked, laughing. He didn’t answer right away.
“R-right…”
And just like that, the doubt was back. There was something about the way he’d answered; the fact that it took him a second was enough of a red flag, but the way he stumbled over the single word just didn’t sit right with me.
“Tay?”
“…What.”
“Taylor,” I said again, sternly. I hoped I was wrong; he’d told me, promised me he was in this just as deep as I was. “Tay,” I said softer, after hearing him whimper. “Talk to me.”
“Don’t wanna,” he mumbled. So. That was it. I took a deep sigh, closing my eyes and pinching the bridge of my nose. Funny how a good mood can go sour with just a few words.
“What happened.”
“You… you really don’t wanna know…”
“I asked, didn’t I?” I snapped.
“…Yes,” he said after a second. I waited, heard him sigh… I stared at the ceiling, praying he wasn’t going to say what I thought. Finally, he whispered his answer. “I… I had sex with someone…”
I felt like I was going to be sick.
“Of all the rules to break…”
“I know,” Tay said softly. “I’m sorry.” I heard him sniffling; was he crying?
He deserved to cry. I wanted him to. Or maybe I wanted to. I didn’t know; my mind was so fucked up, I didn’t know if I wanted to punch a wall, or him, or myself for being so fucking stupid. I’d trusted him, even after getting blown off once already. I should’ve kicked his ass to the curb after that, but I’d been suckered in by those stupid sad eyes of his.
“Do you want out?” I was getting real fucking tired of asking him that.
“No!”
“Then why?”
“I… Oh god, Scott. I don’t… I really can’t explain.”
“Try,” I spat. What was so fucking difficult? How could he do that, after what happened last time? After everything he’d said? Did he still think this was a fucking game? A joke? Was he lying when he’d said he cared? Was he just using me to get off?
“You’re probably gonna hate me…”
“Just tell me.” Part of me wanted to hate him; maybe part of me did. But not as much as I wanted.
“Itwaszac,” he mumbled, the words streaming together into an unintelligible mess.
“What?”
“Please don’t make me repeat it.”
“Taylor.” I was seriously running out of fucking patience; I had half a mind to just hang up. But I had to know what… who he thought was so much more important than the guy he was supposedly committed to. He sighed heavily before answering.
“It was Zac, okay? I had sex with my brother.”
Wait… what?
Whatever I’d expected wasn’t even in the same galaxy as what I’d just heard Taylor admit. I didn’t know what to think at first; my mind just went totally blank. But not for long… After a second, all kinds of images started running through my mind at a dizzying speed, like a flip-book. A hardcore gay porn flip-book.
“If… if you want out now, I would understand,” Tay muttered, sniffling again.
That broke my brain out of glitch-mode, and suddenly I burst out laughing. Suddenly, so many things made so much more sense; Zac’s shitty attitude towards me, the way Tay had gotten all defensive… the rumors I’d read about when doing my homework before that first concert. I’d told him the fans were smarter than he gave them credit for… seems I was more right than I’d known.
“…Scott?”
“Oh man,” I choked out, still cracking up. “You are one twisted little fuck, aren’t you?”
“Thanks…” Tay grumbled, sniffling again.
“Okay,” I sighed, trying to calm down. My sides were aching, and I wished I could see Tay; he was probably beet red by now. “I gotta hear this.”
“Can you stop laughing first?” he huffed.
“Sorry.” I really was trying to stop, but it wasn’t easy. As mad as I’d been a few minutes ago, I was finding it hard to be pissed for what Tay had done, considering who he’d done it with. If it’d just been a random hook-up, it would’ve meant the sex was totally meaningless. But you can’t just have casual sex with your brother. It always means something, one way or another… Between that, and how upset Tay obviously was, I felt reassured that what we had meant something, too.
“Yeah, uh huh…” I could practically hear him rolling his eyes as he sighed. “Well… he saw the necklace. And he asked questions… a lot of questions. And not just about me and you.”
“Uh huh…” I settled back, closing my eyes, trying to picture Tay all flustered and embarrassed while his brother drilled him on the in’s and out’s of the lifestyle.
“God, I just… I just felt so sorry for him. He was giving me these puppy dog eyes and asking just to try a little something, just to see if he liked it as much as he thought he would…”
“So what’d you do?”
“Well he… he talked me into scratching him. Like, his back. And he seemed like he really enjoyed it. And then, a few days later, he talked me into biting him. Just a little; I stopped it before it got really out of hand.”
“You bit him?” I asked, lowering my voice. Rationally, I knew I should’ve been pissed still, and part of me was. But after finding out who it’d been, all I could think about was how hot it was. “Where?”
“H-his neck…”
“Mhm. And did he like it?”
“Yeah… a lot.”
“And what about you?”
Taylor paused; I pictured him, sitting next to Zac, sinking his teeth into his brother’s neck. I wondered if Zac moaned for him.
“Yeah… yeah. I liked it too.”
“So then what?” I reached down and gave my dick a squeeze; this was getting way hot, way fast. Hearing Tay tell me all the dirty things he did to his kid brother… I was probably just as fucked up as him, if not more, but I’d never let that stop me from having fun before.
“Well I knew it was a really bad idea, but he didn’t have anyone else, you know? So I told him to do some research, give it some thought… And then I jerked off in my bunk. So there’s that rule broken, too.”
“Ooh boy, you’re just rackin’ up the punishment, you know that right?”
“Oh believe me, I know.”
“Okay,” I chuckled. “So I guess he did his homework?”
“Mhm… a little bit, at least. And I had explained the whole rules thing to him. So he um… He comes to my room and tells me that he’s been bad, and needs to be punished.”
“Really.”
“No Scott, I’m making this up,” Tay sneered.
“No backtalk,” I snapped; he wasn’t off the hook just yet, even if his confession was giving me a hell of a hard-on.
“Sorry…”
“So did you… punish him?”
“Y-yeah… I did.”
“How?” I let out a breath as I unzipped my jeans and took hold of the erection I probably shouldn’t have had. Part of me wanted to be mad at him still, and I guess I was, but this was way too hot, so… fuck it.
“I… I spanked him,” he admitted softly.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. And h-he… he wanted me to talk.”
“About what?”
“Like, talk dirty. About how bad he was for… for thinking about me.”
“He thought about you?” Oh this was just getting better and better.
“You know what I mean. He… got off. And not just thinking about me biting him.”
“No?” Tay was so naive sometimes; it was just as cute as it was sexy.
“No. I made him tell me. H-he… he wanted to do… basically everything with me.”
“Everything, hm? Like what?” I started stroking myself; I’d had phone sex before, but this was different. I didn’t know if it was Tay’s voice, breathy and quiet and embarrassed but turned on, or if it was the things he was saying, but either way, it was so working for me.
“He wanted to touch me… wanted me to touch him… wanted suck my cock… wanted me to fuck him.”
I let out a breath, gripping myself tighter. So little Zaccy was just as twisted as Tay, if not more.
“I had no clue… I didn’t even know he was into guys. Not that he had ever been with one before.”
“So you were his first?
“Y-yeah. I mean, he told me how he um… he fingered himself. And he had a couple dildos.”
“Really.”
“Apparently. I was shocked as hell. But… but it kinda turned me on. Well, no; it really turned me on.” Tay sniffled again; I could tell how conflicted he probably felt.
“How much?” I asked. It was getting harder to keep from panting, between the physical and mental pleasure.
“God… a lot.” Taylor was breathing harder too, I noticed, and I wondered if he was giving in to the erotic side of this fucked up tangle of feelings too.
“Taylor?”
“Yeah?”
“You breakin’ rules again?” I murmured.
“N-no…”
“So you’re not touching yourself right now?”
“No… I promise.”
“Do it.” There was silence on Tay’s end. I knew he’d heard me, so I didn’t know why he was playing dumb.
“…What?”
“You know what.”
“You… want me to jerk off while I’m telling you about how I fucked my brother?”
“Yes.” It did sound pretty fucked up when he put it so bluntly… but that was part of why it was so hot. And if it made him uncomfortable… well it was the least he deserved.
“And I’m the twisted little fuck,” Tay mumbled.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
“Just wait til I see you; your ass is gonna be sizzling. Anyway, so then what?”
“Um…” Tay whimpered, hesitating for a second. “Well I made him keep his underwear on at first. Trying to keep it from getting sexual, you know? But he… he wanted to take them off.”
“Yeah?” I breathed. I stroked myself faster, turned on even more with the knowledge that Tay was jacking off to the same words and thoughts.
“And um… So I started to jerk him off… still spanking him, too.” Tay whimpered again, and I had to bite back a moan.
“Yeah… Did you tell him how bad he was?”
“Mhm. Told him what a… a dirty slut he was.”
“How’d that feel?” From what I’d seen, Taylor was one hundred percent sub; so to think of him taking the dominant role, I was curious how he’d taken it.
“Um… different. But kinda good?”
“Yeah? You liked dominating him?”
“Yeah…” Tay moaned softly, and I could tell he was enjoying this just as much as I was.
“Punishing him?”
“Mhm…”
“So then what?”
“Then um… Well he obviously liked being humiliated. And h-he… he wanted me. So I um…” Tay’s voice died into another whimper that made my hips buck against my hand.
“You what? Tell me, baby.”
“I um… I gave him my lube and told him to finger himself.” Tay was practically moaning every word, panting and whining. I could see him laying in his bunk, writhing and tossing his head the way he did when in the throes of lust.
“While you watched?”
“Mhm. I stood back behind him and… and jerked off, watching him. And w-when he said he was ready, I… I fucked him.”
“Was he tight?”
“Oh fuck… so tight.”
“Yeah I’ll bet, tight virgin ass.” I was sweating buckets as I stroked myself, thinking of Tay getting off watching Zac finger his tight ass. It was almost enough to get me off right then, but I had to hear the rest. “So you popped your kid brother’s cherry, hm?”
“Yeah.”
“Bet you fucking loved it.”
“It… it was the best I’ve ever had. I mean… as a top,” he added, and thank god for that, or I’d have another reason to be pissed at him.
“Better than your wife?” I didn’t know what made me say that; maybe I wanted to give him another reason to feel fucked up over this.
“God yes,” he groaned.
“You wanna fuck him again, don’t ya?” I knew he did; the way he was getting off, there was no way he didn’t. He only whimpered though, reluctant to admit it. But I wasn’t having that. I needed to hear the words. Maybe I was sicker than I even thought, but I needed to hear Taylor tell me how bad he wanted to fuck Zac. “Don’t you?”
“…Yes.”
“Say it.”
The Cheshire Hotel, St. Louis, MO.
Taylor
I couldn’t lie to Scott.
That was why I hadn’t made it a full twenty-four hours before confessing my awful indiscretion to him. That was why I was laying on my hotel bed with my pants around my ankles and my dick in my hand as I recounted my sins to him. And that was why I barely hesitated before answering his question.
“I wanna fuck my brother again,” I whimpered pathetically.
“Did you come in his ass?”
“Yes…” I hissed out. There was a part of me that feared I was somehow answering Scott’s questions wrong, that he was hoping for different answers than the ones I gave, but I couldn’t have lied to him then if I had tried.
“Fuck…” Scott replied, and I knew that–as crazy as it seemed–he was getting off on this, too. “Made him your little slut?”
“Mhm,” I said. “And I… I didn’t let him come until I had…”
“Oh yeah?” Scott asked, and I was both shocked and relieved that he didn’t call me out for kind of stealing one of his moves. What did I know about being a Dom, though?
“Yeah,” I replied. “He was practically begging… and he started calling me master…”
“Did you like that?”
“At the time, yeah. It was kinda hot.” I replied honestly. In the heat of the moment, it had been hot, but it was just one of the many fucked up things about the situation. And one of the things I was getting off on right then.
“Did you call him anything?” Scott asked.
“Slut,” I said. “My slut. Whore. And I… a couple times, I called him baby…”
Scott gasped, and I immediately wished I hadn’t admitted that. Not telling him the whole truth wasn’t that bad, was it? Yet I still couldn’t even do that.
“It just slipped out,” I said, knowing that was no excuse at all.
“Okay…”
“I’m… I’m sorry…” I didn’t know what else to say to fix it. I supposed I couldn’t. Things were so, so far past being okay.
“Just…” Scott sighed, the sound turning into a growl halfway through. “So you called him shit. Didn’t peg you as a dirty talker.”
“I didn’t really know I had it in me, either,” I replied. And I really didn’t, but Zac had wanted it. I couldn’t say that was the reason I had done everything I’d done for him, but it was a big part of it. I was too selfless for my own good.
“You said you wanna fuck him again, right?” Scott asked, and I whimpered something that might have been a yes. “What do you want to do to him?
“I wanna make him suck my cock,” I admitted. Out of everything he’d told me, that was the one that had turned me on the most, maybe because it would actually shut him up for once in his life. “I bet he can take the whole thing.”
“Mouth like that? Fuck yeah.”
I giggled. While I didn’t know how Scott didn’t hate me for what I had done, I was glad that he didn’t. And I was glad that his mind was just as dirty and twisted as mine seemed to be. “Yeah, and he’ll swallow it too. He said he wanted to.”
“That’s hot,” Scott replied. “What else?”
“I… I wanna tie him up,” I moaned, thinking about how his eyes had lit up when I mentioned restraints. Zac had definitely seemed interested in that aspect of BDSM; I had yet to find an aspect he didn’t seem interested in.
Scott panted. “I’d love to see that.”
“Yeah?” I whimpered. My eyes were clamped shut, a million images–real and imagined–of Zac and I flashing through my mind. “And I wanna watch him fuck himself with his dildo…”
“Fuck,” Scott moaned, and I wondered how close he was. “I’d pay to see that shit. Maybe I should try him out, too. What do you think?”
My stupid, possessive side wanted to say that no, he couldn’t have my brother, but instead I asked, “Can I watch?”
“Maybe,” Scott replied. “If you’re good.”
“I’ll be good,” I replied without a second’s hesitation.
“Yeah? You wanna watch me fuck your little brother’s ass?”
“Fuck… yes…” I groaned. When he put it that way, he nearly drowned out the voice screaming that Zac was mine and he couldn’t have him. But Zac wasn’t mine, not really. The fact that I’d had sex with him was bad enough; I didn’t need to get emotional over it, too. Somehow, focusing just on the physical seemed to be my only hope of staying sane.
“Pull that hair of his, maybe?” Scott suggested.
“Mmm, I bet he would like that,” I replied, thinking of how Zac had moaned when I had done just that. That memory, so minor compared to what we had done since, made me squeeze my dick even tighter.
“Maybe we can take turns,” Scott suggested, and I moaned out my affirmative reply. “Use him like the little slut he is.”
“Fuck, yes,” I replied, panting heavily. Even though I still felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought of Scott being with Zac, it was clear that Zac had needs and kinks that I knew nothing about… and that I found very, very hot.
“Hell… why take turns?”
“Wh-what?” I gasped out. I had a feeling that I knew what Scott meant, but I still needed to hear him say it.
“Maybe you and me can stretch that tight little hole of his to fit us both,” Scott said.
I groaned. He had meant exactly what I thought. “Oh god… Scott…”
“Yeah, Tay,” he moaned back. “You wanna fuck Zac with me?”
“Yes,” I replied, moaning so loudly that I worried it could be heard down the entire hotel hallway. What Scott suggested was positively pornographic, and easily the most extreme thing I had ever considered. Zac showed no signs of having any limits, though; if I was selfless enough to do whatever he asked of me, he seemed to be just as open to trying anything.
“Make him take both our cocks,” Scott continued.
“Scott…” I whimpered. I didn’t even know why I was protesting; I didn’t not want to do what he suggested. I was getting off just on the thought of it.
“You gonna come, baby?”
“S-soon…” I replied. Breathlessly, I added, “But I… I want both of you…”
He gasped, and I was sure he understood what I was almost too breathless and too ashamed to admit. “You wanna get fucked by both of us?”
“Mhm,” I replied, my hips bucking up off the bed.
“Wanna get filled up, hm?” He asked. “Stretched out like a little slut?”
“Fuck… yes…”
“God, I wish I was fucking that tight ass of yours now…”
“I wish you were, too,” I replied, moaning again.
“Maybe make you suck Zac’s cock while I fuck you,” Scott suggested. “Would you like that?”
“Yes… fuck…” I was far past the point of being coherent.
“Shit,” Scott groaned. “Gonna fuckin’ come. You ready for it baby?”
“Yes…” I replied, knowing I was just as close and tightening my fist just a little bit more.
“Gonna fill you up, you little slut,” Scott said.
“Yes… fuck, please…” I moaned. A part of me wanted to be ashamed at being called a slut, but I knew that I was. I deserved to be called a lot worse than that. Right then, though, I relished the title.
“Yeah, you gonna come too?” Scott asked.
“Yes…” I replied, my hips lifting off the bed again as I pictured Scott right there with me.
“Come for me, Tay. Now.”
I cried his name as I came, far past caring if everyone on the floor did hear me and know exactly what I was doing. All I cared about right then was getting off and knowing that Scott was getting off, too…. knowing that he didn’t hate me for what I had done and that he even found it hot.
“Fuck,” he moaned. “Take it, baby.”
I breathed out a few more expletives as I fell back to earth. Scott was quieter, but I could tell by his deep sigh that he was coming down from his own orgasm. I let out a sigh of my own, wondering where we went from here.
“So,” he finally said.
“Yeah?” I asked, bracing myself for what he might say now.
He chuckled. “You really are a twisted little fuck, huh?”
“Maybe,” I huffed, not brave enough to point out the fact that he seemed just as twisted, if he was not only able to accept what Zac and I had done, but to be turned on by it.
“Didn’t say it was a bad thing,” he replied.
“Yeah, whatever…”
“Baby?” He asked, his voice a little softer. “Talk to me. What’s wrong?”
“It’s just…” I sighed. Now that the hotness of the moment had passed, all that was left to think about was how messy of a situation I had gotten myself into. “It’s just really fucked up, isn’t it? And I think we kinda… had a fight afterward…”
“Tell me about it,” Scott demanded, and even though his tone of voice was stern, I knew he was genuinely concerned.
I tried to remember how it had all gone downhill. “Well, we were talking about you, and how he kinda understands this whole thing between us now, and then he was saying like… how it must be nice to have someone like that…”
“Yeah, it is,” Scott replied. I could practically hear the smile on his face.
“Yeah,” I replied. As I thought about happened next, my eyes teared up a little and I sniffled pathetically. “But umm, it freaked me out a little, and I was afraid he was gonna like… ask me to be his Dom or something.”
“And you don’t want that?”
“I don’t… I don’t think I could do that all the time,” I replied.
“What about part time?” Scott asked.
“I don’t know,” I replied. “Maybe?”
“Well, you said you liked it, right?” Scott’s tone was slow and measured, but not like he was mocking me.
“Yeah…”
“So lemme ask again,” he said. “Would you want that?”
I sniffled pathetically as I considered his question. Did I want that?
On one hand, I couldn’t even believe that Scott would suggest this. Whatever was between us… it was serious, but by nature it couldn’t be exclusive. So maybe it wasn’t that ridiculous to consider some sort of arrangement with Zac as well, aside from the fact that he was my brother.
On the other hand, I wasn’t a Dom by any stretch of the imagination. Zac’s willingness to submit and be beaten seemed to bring out a more dominant side of me, one that I barely even recognized or understood. Ultimately, though, there was one reason and one reason only why I had done what Zac asked of me.
“I… I wanna make him happy,” I finally replied.
“Baby…” Scott said softly. “You do know that it doesn’t have to be twenty-four seven, right?”
“Yeah, I know,” I replied. “I just… I don’t know what he wants, and he doesn’t really either, you know? All he’s seen is this twenty-four seven thing.”
“So maybe we should educate him,” Scott said, and much like his smile earlier, I swore I could hear his smirk this time.
“Yeah, maybe,” I replied. “If he even still wants it…”
Scott made a little curious sound, and I knew I was leaving out so much of the story, but I barely even understood it myself.
“Well, before I could even say anything about all that, he just… totally pulled back and closed off. And just started getting dressed and left. He said something about how he didn’t wanna get me in more trouble and that… that he wished he’d never seen the necklace.”
“Sub drop,” Scott remarked.
“I guess,” I replied. “But I just… I couldn’t get to him, and I was kinda freaking out on my own, too.”
“Not your fault,” Scott said, sighing softly. “Sub leading the sub; tends to happen that way.”
“Yeah…” I sniffled again. Of course Scott could explain it all so that it made perfect sense.
“So, he was just looking for some affirmation that you still cared, and you–not intentionally, but still–brushed him off?”
“I… I guess I did…” Not only did Scott make sense of it, he made me look like an incompetent fool.
“Oh, baby.” Scott sighed again. “I think the three of us need to get together.”
“You do?” I asked. They didn’t even like each other; there was no way that could end well.
“Yeah,” he replied. “Someone should explain things to him, and it’s not your fault, but you’re not really the best person to do it.”
“No, you’re right. I know I’m not,” I agreed.
“Okay,” he said. “How about instead of you coming to visit me, I come meet you?”
“I guess I should probably try to warn Zac…”
“Nah,” Scott replied, chuckling. “I wanna see the look on his face.”
I giggled. “You’re kinda evil, you know that?”
“Baby, I know I am.”
“I won’t be held responsible if Zac tries to kick your ass, though.”
Scott snorted. “He can try.”
“Actually, I’d kinda like to watch that…” I admitted.
“So, your next day off, I’ll swing by,” Scott said.
“Okay, umm…” I said, trying to remember our tour schedule. “I think that’s just before Zac’s birthday, in Michigan.”
“Okay,” Scott replied. “And Taylor?”
“Yeah?” I asked, fearing what he might say next if his stern tone was anything to judge by.
“Don’t even think about touching yourself until I get there.”
“Okay,” I whimpered.
We said our goodbyes after that, and I hung up feeling strangely relieved and worried at the same time. Somehow, Scott didn’t hate me for what I had done with my brother, but I had a feeling that Zac might hate me soon.