February 2008
The next day after her date with Jeremy, Avery slept as late as she could or really as late as her mom would let her and then she begrudgingly woke up and got ready for the day deciding to do what home school stuff she had first and a part of her was a bit thankful that it seemed Jessica wasn’t there. Mainly because she was afraid if Jessica was there that she had probably heard about how Avery had just up and ran out of Jeremy’s car like he had the plague or something.
Which if Jessica knew that then Avery would probably never hear the end of it or at least Jessica would make her feel guilty and Avery was already partly feeling guilty. Guilty for running out and guilty for thinking of Cordelia when they kissed. Just plain fucking guilty all around.
“Oh, I meant to tell you Avie,” Diana spoke as she brought Avery out of her thoughts and Avery turned to look up from the textbook that she really hadn’t been reading anyway. “Cordelia called this morning around eight, of course I told her you were still in bed so she said for you to call her after she gets out of school,” she smiled with a hint of something more in her eyes. “She probably wants to know how your date with Jeremy went.”
Blushing at her mom’s words Avery had to look away from her gaze. Hating the reminder of her date because again it made her guilt worse.
“I doubt that’s what she wanted,” Avery shook her head, though in all actuality she wouldn’t have been surprised if that was exactly what Cordelia wanted and Avery just wasn’t sure if she was up for rehashing the details about the end of the date and especially telling Cordelia.
Maybe she’d just do best to ignore Cordelia for the time being. At least until she found out how to make herself not gay for her best friend or at least until she found out if it was just Cordelia or all girls…but it had to just be Cordelia. She’d go to church with her mom this Sunday and pray for that if she had too.
But Avery also doubted that God would answer that because hadn’t she always been taught that being gay was a sin? That was what every church her family went to preached and it was one reason Avery knew she really couldn’t be gay.
Her family would never fully accept her if she was. The woman who had raised her and was now looking at her fondly as she referenced a date that Avery had with a boy wouldn’t be pleased if she learned that Avery didn’t really like boys. That maybe she preferred girls..or at least Cordelia, the same girl who had called this morning.
“It probably is what she wanted,” Diana smirked down at Avery. “Isn’t that what girlfriends do still?” she asked with a sort of dreamy expression on her face. “Gossip about the boys they date.”
Avery had to bite her tongue at her mom’s last words because that was another tiny detail Avery hadn’t told her mom or her dad or anyone else really. That Cordelia and Juniper were lesbians. The two girls she had grown up with were gay and not into boys so really with them it wasn’t discussing the boys they dated. It was discussing the girls they dated while Avery felt like the lone ranger because she had neither a girl or boy to discuss at least not until recently when she and Jeremy had just decided they were dating.
“Y..yeah that’s what girls still do with their friends,” Avery nodded her head her voice catching on her and she hoped her mom didn’t notice it just like she really hoped her face was neutral and not giving away that she was sort of fudging the truth a bit with her friends group anyway.
Luckily her mom must have bought her words because after that she just turned to leave though before she could fully leave the room that Avery was in Avery decided to ask her mom a question.
“Hey mom?” she asked watching her mom turn to look at her curiously. “After I finish my school work can I go out for awhile?” she asked feeling a bit crazy for asking. She did have her own car now. An SUV that had used to be Jessica’s but had been passed down to her on her seventeenth birthday in November but she was still only seventeen so she knew she kind of sort of needed her parents permission for a few more months anyway.
Diana gave Avery a soft smile as she nodded, “Just be back before dinner time. Probably going to need your help, I think Isaac and Nikki may drop in and I like to cook extra when Nikki or Kate come by lately since both of them are eating for two right now.”
“I can do that,” Avery agreed as she returned her mom’s smile briefly before turning to look down at her textbook and hopefully at least get a bit of something out of the lesson her mom had made for her today.
Sitting in a corner at a small record store, Avery held her sketchbook close to her as she worked on a drawing, not even really having a plan but just needing something to shut her mind down and forget about last night. Forget about Jeremy and forget about Cordelia.
Which is one reason why she was drawing in her sketchbook in a corner of a record store she had found last year by happenstance really and a place which was just her own. A place where she could come and draw and forget everything and not have to be worried about being found until she was ready.
She also didn’t have to worry about thinking about things either here or having to face reality and usually when she was drawing or painting even she didn’t have to worry about that anyway because when she did that it was like everything else in her head and everything else in the world just sort of tuned out and went on silent mode or if she were speaking in terms of TVs the real world was muted.
Hearing someone clear their throat beside her though, Avery was pulled from her escape and she felt her cheeks getting hot as she turned to look at a woman with dyed short blonde hair sitting beside her. A woman who she knew worked here because Avery saw her a lot when she came in.
“You know you always confuse me,” the woman spoke as soon as she had Avery’s attention. “Coming in here sometimes day after day and always sitting in this corner to draw in that book of yours. Then again there are some times where you just don’t come in for weeks and it’s just weird.”
Blushing more Avery had to look away from the stranger as she spoke because somehow the woman’s words just made Avery feel even more weird than she had been feeling since last night.
“Guess I’m just weird then,” Avery shrugged as she did her best to paste on a smile when she looked back at the woman. “But if I’m being honest this place well…it’s sort of my escape from reality place,” she admitted and the more she kept talking the more hotter her cheeks felt like they were getting.
Especially when the dyed blonde stranger just kept staring at her intensely like she was trying to see into Avery’s soul.
“What exactly does someone like you have to escape from?” the woman asked and the way she said it, Avery almost felt offended.
“Someone like me?” Avery questioned with a quirk of her eyebrow wondering exactly what vibes she gave off to a stranger or even wondering if somehow this stranger knew who her brothers were.
It was no secret Tulsa had it’s fair share of fans and even though Tulsa was a city sometimes running into fans couldn’t be avoided and Avery was in a record store which if you worked in a record store you had to like music of some sort and maybe this woman who semi insulted her liked the type of music her brothers made.
Then again she also didn’t look the type. She looked like one of those hipsters that Taylor would hang out with and befriend. Most of them usually weren’t Hanson fans at least the ones she had met weren’t. They were just friends of her brother.
“You look like a little rich girl who has it all together,” the woman shrugged her shoulders. “Probably have a nice house and a nice family. Maybe a nice boyfriend so why do you have to escape from that?”
Avery who had listened to the woman visibly stiffened up when she got to the maybe boyfriend bit though she remained silent, not really answering her.
“So it’s the boyfriend bit huh?” the woman asked in her silence. “Let me guess he’s a total rich boy douche bag?”
Shaking her head Avery heaved a sigh, “It’d probably be better if he was,” she spoke knowing then maybe she wouldn’t feel so guilty for not liking him like she should have. Like he deserved to be loved. “Then I wouldn’t feel guilty for not being head over heels in love with him.”
“Another guy?” the woman questioned and Avery shook her head no.
“I might be gay for my best friend who is a girl,” Avery confessed and the moment the words were out of her mouth she regretted them because she was confessing them to a total stranger who had insulted her at the start of the conversation. Yet her lips just kept moving. “My friends think I’m a lesbian and I..I didn’t think I was either until last night but then something changed and now I think I’m just gay for my best friend or hell maybe I’m gay for women in general I don’t know nor do I know how I can find out either way.”
After she spoke Avery heard the woman beside her let out a laugh and again she blushed and felt offended because the proper way to handle that confession wasn’t too laugh.
Then again Avery probably shouldn’t have told a stranger all of that to begin with. Why couldn’t her brain just have developed a lock with the stranger like it had developed one with her friends and family?
“I mean if you want to know I’m pretty sure I could help with that,” the woman finally spoke and her words hadn’t been what Avery had expected so she just gave her a curious look. One the woman must have been able to read on her. “Not that I proposition every cute girl who comes in here to draw and then tells me their troubles but I make exceptions from time to time.”
Blushing again Avery looked down at her sketchbook at the image she had been drawing. Just an image of two hands intertwined together. Two hands that looked slightly feminine.
“I don’t even know your name,” she finally stated surprised at the teasing tone of her own voice. “Kind of hard for me to agree to a sexual proposition from a stranger whose name I don’t even know.”
The woman laughed again which made Avery turn to look at her again finally.
“I left my badge in the back when I went on break but my name is Paisley,” the stranger who Avery now knew as Paisley informed her. “Paisley Chambers, slightly odd chick who makes propositions on cute customers sometimes.”
Avery let out a tiny groan as she felt her blush growing again, “Nice to meet you Paisley,” she nodded her head feeling a bit sincere even if this was the oddest meeting she had ever had with someone. “Avery Hanson, confused maybe straight girl whom you propositioned,” she spoke as she held her free hand out to Paisley.
When Paisley took her hand Avery shook it slightly before letting go and looking down at her sketchbook again. “I may have to think over your offer though. I mean we did just meet and all.”
“True,” Paisley nodded her head with a slight mischievous smirk. “But who better to have your first lesbian experimentation with than a stranger who you’ll probably never experiment with again,” she defended before standing up. “But you know if you decide you want to take me up on the offer you know where to find me. I get off at eight most nights,” she informed her before giving a wink and all Avery could do was watch Paisley go.
Once Paisley was out of sight Avery laughed again as she shook her head and went back to work on her drawing, knowing there was probably no way she’d end up taking the offer given to her.