March 2008
“I don’t know why you are so nervous,” Jessica stated from where she sat on Avery’s bed. Having came up to her room after getting back from going to the movies with Joe. “I mean you’re almost acting like our older brothers used to when they brought a new girl home for our parents to meet.”
Avery turned to look at Jessica after her third outfit change, “I am not acting that bad,” she defended though maybe she was and just didn’t realize it.
In the end though it couldn’t be helped. Not really anyway.
Not when Avery knew that Paisley was on her way and she was afraid of how this dinner would be. Nervous that her mom and dad wouldn’t like Paisley or that her mom wouldn’t. Her dad usually liked anyone but if her mom didn’t like Paisley, Avery knew she could find ways to convince her dad not too either.
“Really? Because since I’ve been back you’ve changed outfits twice and put your hair up and down and back up again more than once,” Jessica rolled her eyes. “It’s not like this girl is your girlfriend and you need to dress to impress for the first date where she meets the parents.”
Pausing at Jessica’s last statement Avery hated how it hurt when Jessica casually dismissed the idea of Paisley being her girlfriend.
Like Jessica would never suspect that her sister was gay but then again Jessica was still convinced she was dating Jeremy so of course she wouldn’t think differently.
“I know she isn’t my girlfriend,” Avery spoke as she moved to sit down beside Jessica. “I’m just nervous mom and dad won’t like her.”
Jessica only laughed as she patted Avery’s thigh, “Correction, you mean you’re nervous mom won’t,” she said rather pointedly. “Zoe told me all about the outburst you had in Austin. Said it was rather epic and surprising and I get you want validation from our mother. I’m sure she’ll like this new friend of yours though. She loves all your friends especially Cordelia.”
Avery rolled her eyes at all of what Jessica said. Not surprised at all that Zoe had told Jessica about what had happened in Texas. Zoe wasn’t known for keeping secrets well or at least not ones that could be particularly juicy.
Just like she also knew that while her mom loved Juniper and Cordelia if she knew about their sexuality that was bound to change. Especially if she also knew that Cordelia had feelings for her.
Before she could reply back or say anything though Avery heard from downstairs as the doorbell rang. Her heartbeat getting faster and her hands getting a bit clammy because she knew without a doubt that Paisley was here.
That soon enough she’d know whether her mom liked her new so called friend or not.
“Avery!” Walker yelled out from downstairs. “Your friend is here.”
Jessica gave Avery a tiny almost encouraging smile, “It’ll be okay,” she whispered as she squeezed her hand. “And if it all goes to shit at least you have me and Mac and Zoe there. Us Hanson siblings always stick together when it comes to getting the other out of trouble with our parents.”
Avery nervously sat the dinner table some time later. Listening as both her parents kept asking questions to Paisley more so her mom than her dad of course but her dad had gotten a few questions in too and Avery had to say she was surprised at the ease that Paisley was answering them.
That and how well she was holding up and not seeming nervous which was probably good because if her mom caught the first sniff of nervousness from Paisley, Avery was afraid her mom would make the questioning harder.
“So Paisley, you said you were in college,” Walker spoke after he had swallowed a bite of his food. “What is it you are majoring in?”
Paisley nodded her head, “I’m majoring in photography,” she answered sounding confident in her answer. “My room is actually full of some of my favorite pictures that I’ve taken.”
At that Avery smiled softly remembering that now there was a picture of her up on the wall too. Though her smile soon faltered when she caught Zoe just staring at her a bit too curiously. Like Paisley’s answer was confusing for her and she was looking at Avery for questions.
Questions that Avery didn’t even know what they were so how could she even help her sister?
Diana hmmed at Paisley’s response, “And what if you can’t find a job in the photography business right away Paisley?” she questioned and Avery turned to see her mom giving Paisley a rather judgemental look. “Do you have a back up plan of jobs? Just asking because I have friends who are photographers and their first years were so touch and go.”
“I do actually,” Paisley answered keeping her cool and again Avery had to say she was surprised because if it was her she’d have snapped. “I’m minoring in education,” she said and her answer surprised Avery slightly because somehow in their time together that had never really came up.
But in some odd way that small tidbit of information made Avery like Paisley even more than she already did. Just knowing that Paisley if photography fell through wanted to teach children.
Which Avery loved children, how could she not? She was one of seven children and already had numerous nieces and nephews.
Looking over at her dad Avery saw him smiling approvingly at that and well at least if Paisley wasn’t winning over her mom she seemed to be winning over her dad and maybe for once her dad would be Avery’s saving grace.
“So how long exactly have you known our daughter Paisley?” Diana asked another question and she still sounded judgemental but at least she had changed course from asking about future plans if photography fell through.
Probably realizing she had lost that round so she was going to try something new.
“We met on the fifteenth of February so exactly over a month and so many days,” Paisley answered as she looked at Avery with a tiny smile. A smile that Avery returned though maybe hers was a bit bigger. “It was almost like this instant connection we had and we haven’t really been apart since.”
Avery grinned more at that, reaching out for Paisley’s hand under the table. A place where no one in her family could see and she wasn’t even worried in the slightest when Paisley took her hand, linking their fingers together before squeezing her hand softly.
Watching as her mom took a small bite of her food, Avery knew even after that, that her mom was going to keep up. At least until she felt like she had the upper hand and maybe Avery shouldn’t feel too safe but so far Paisley was holding up so it seemed okay to feel safe.
To think that her mom would end up approving or that her dad would fight for her cause if she didn’t.
“Well you two sure seem like the best of friends,” Diana spoke and Avery could hear the fake smile and happiness in her mom’s tone. “Has Avery told you about her plans for this summer if you two are such close friends?” she asked but without even waiting for Paisley to answer Diana continued to talk.
“She’s going to her get GED and then after she does she has plans to travel all summer,” she revealed and Avery and Paisley let go of each other’s hands at the same time.
Both apparently shocked for different reasons because this was the first time Avery had even been told that her parents had came to a decision about that and Paisley because clearly she hadn’t known.
It was one more thing Avery had kept from her and Avery knew she probably shouldn’t but she had just been waiting until she had known for sure. Not having a clue that her mom would chose to reveal this now.
“What?!” Jessica spoke first as she looked between her parents a slight glare on her face. “You guys are actually going to let her graduate early?” she asked sounding clearly offended. “And you’re going to let her travel alone when I had to wait until I was eighteen to even travel with friends out of state?”
Walker sighed softly as he shook his head, “Jessie..” he started only to stop when Jessica stood from the table in a hurry and leave the kitchen just as fast and after she was gone Walker turned his gaze to Diana. “Di, I think we need to go upstairs and talk,” he spoke sounding harsher than Avery had ever heard her dad talk to her mom.
Something her mom must have known because she didn’t even object. Instead she stood from the table and followed him out of the kitchen.
Leaving Avery, Mac, Zoe, and Paisley alone at the kitchen table.
“I should go,” Paisley spoke breaking the awkward silence that had lingered in the kitchen after Jessica’s dramatic exit as well as her parents leaving the room, her dad seemingly mad at her mom. “I’ll see myself out,” she said before standing from the table.
Avery knowing she had said she would see herself out but following after her anyway. Feeling like she needed to explain herself. Explain why she hadn’t told Paisley about the trip she had wanted to take this summer.
“Paisley wait,” Avery called out once they were outside and close to Paisley’s car. “Can you just let me explain things?” she asked watching as Paisley stopped walking before turning to face her, an expectant look on her face.
“Well explain Hanson,” Paisley told her sounding angry. “Tell me why you were keeping this from me. Because right now it seems you get kicks out of keeping fucking secrets. But hell then again maybe it is a family thing because from the way your dad reacted I don’t think he knew your mom was going to say what she did.”
Looking away from Paisley, Avery swallowed the lump that was in her throat. Hating when Paisley had basically compared her to her mom because if there was one comparison she didn’t want it was that.
“I planned on telling you once I knew what their answer was and tonight’s the first time they gave me that,” Avery answered her voice all soft as tears welled up in her eyes and this time she didn’t try to fight them away. “I only mentioned it in Austin after finding out that Cordy was going to go to college in San Francisco and Juniper’s going to be in North Carolina and I realized I’d be here by myself without my two best friends. So the idea just came to me that I should get my GED and travel for the summer before making any huge college plans.”
Paisley sighed some as she stepped a bit closer to Avery, “Yeah well you have your answer now and guess what I got to find out after they made their decision or well basically when the decision was made.”
“I’m sorry,” Avery apologized as she shook her head reaching up to wipe away a few of her tears. “I’m sorry that you’re angry at me again.”
“I’m not angry at you per say,” Paisley told her though to Avery it sure felt like she was. “I’m angry that you didn’t tell me yeah and I’m a little upset that you’ll be gone most of the summer since we’ve just became official but I’m more angry at your mom for that stunt she pulled and trust me it was a stunt more than likely because she doesn’t like me.”
Avery shook her head wanting to defend her mom even if she knew it was probably true. “You don’t know that Pai,” she spoke as she felt a few more tears go down her cheek.
Paisley laughed bitterly as she moved closer to Avery again, this time reaching out to wipe away Avery’s tears. “Yeah I do,” she told her sounding confident in that. “Your mom hates me and now I’m just wondering if I’m going to lose you when she makes you choose between being my friend or not.”
At those words Avery leaned into Paisley some, finding a way to bury her head in Paisley’s shoulder despite the height difference and Avery being the taller one.
“You’re my girlfriend Paisley,” Avery told her as she kept her head buried when more tears came out. “Of course I’m going to chose you even if I have to hide the fact that you’re still in my life,” she spoke knowing she didn’t want to give Paisley up so easily.
Especially since it seemed after this horrendous spectacle from her mom that Paisley was still okay with having Avery as her girlfriend. That she wasn’t ready to be free of Avery because she had a mom who liked to be a bit of a drama queen at times.
Sometimes even being a better drama queen than Taylor was.
Paisley didn’t say anything to that. Not at first anyway. Instead she pulled Avery farther into her, rubbing her back as Avery continued to cry.
Choosing to speak only when Avery’s crying had to seemed to subside slightly. “I’ve never understood a Melissa Etheridge song more than I have in this moment,” she spoke softly and her words made Avery lift her head as she gave Paisley a curious look.
A look Paisley must have read because she explained herself. “The song Come To My Window,” she sighed. “The line I don’t care what they say, I don’t care what they think, what do they know about this love anyway.”
Laughing softly at that Avery only shook her head though in a weird way she got it.
“You’re a weird one Chambers,” Avery told her before resting her forehead against Paisley’s softly.
“But you love me anyway Hanson,” Paisley smiled seeming once again sure of herself.
“But I love you anyway,” Avery confirmed before kissing Paisley.
She knew it was brazen and ballsy to kiss her here in her driveway with her family just feet away inside but right now it didn’t matter. Not when Paisley had calmed her and made her feel okay again. Made her feel almost safe.
When Paisley eventually pulled away, Avery knew she had to go. Knew she couldn’t stay all night no matter how much Avery wished she could.
“Call me tomorrow okay,” Paisley told her with a sad smile.
Nodding her head Avery just disentangled herself from Paisley. “Yeah, I’ll call,” she promised giving Paisley her own smile and after she had made that promise Paisley finished walking to her car and this time Avery let her.
Taking a deep breath before she turned on her heels and headed back inside her house. Coming to a stop once she was inside and saw Zoe sitting on the stairs, glaring at Avery after Avery had shut the door.
“I hate you,” Zoe spat out before Avery could even say anything. “You’ve been ruining everything for weeks and I hate you.”
Avery frowned as she walked towards where Zoe was, sitting down on the step beside her. “Yeah well sometimes I hate myself too lately,” she admitted as she slid her arm around Zoe’s shoulder. Almost thankful when her sister didn’t pull away.
Letting her know that despite her words Zoe didn’t truly hate her.
“You know mom only did what she did because Paisley’s a lesbian right?” Zoe asked her anger still in her tone and Avery wanted to ask how she knew but deep down she knew she didn’t have too.
Zoe had probably found a way to listen in as their parents argued.
“I figured as much,” Avery nodded her head not even denying that Paisley was a lesbian because what was the point?
Her mom had figured it out and had found a way to cause a scene because of it. Probably had hoped to ruin the friendship between her and Paisley. Something which luckily she had failed to do because both Paisley and Avery it seemed were determined to fight and keep what was blossoming between them.
A fact her mom wouldn’t like but Avery did mean it when she said she’d keep Paisley in her life even if she had to do so in secret.
Without even saying anything else to her sister Avery stood up and headed upstairs. Wanting to just go in her room and change into her pajamas and pretend this whole night had been one bad dream.
Laying in her bed, Avery who was on the last chapter of Jane Eyre, looked up when she heard a knock on her door. Feeling a bit surprised when she saw her mom standing in the doorway.
“I didn’t want to go to bed without apologizing,” Diana told her as she stepped into Avery’s room. Going to sit at the bottom of Avery’s bed. “I know I shouldn’t have done what I did at dinner.”
Avery closed her book after saving her space, “No, you shouldn’t have,” she confirmed keeping an edge to her voice because right now she was wary of her mom.
“I only did it for you though,” Diana defended as she reached out for Avery’s hand. “That new friend of yours, she’s a lesbian and you know what the church teaches Avery. If you’re a homosexual you’ve failed somewhere morally. You’ve failed yourself and you failed God and I don’t want someone who’s fallen so far to influence you. Ruin the good godly woman I know you are.”
Avery bit her tongue at her mom’s words. Wanting to reveal then that all her friends were lesbians and so called moral failures just like Avery herself was.
Instead though she kept that to herself. Staying silent and wondering if her mom had more to say.
“Your dad though talked some sense into me and you can stay friends with her,” Diana smiled as she squeezed Avery’s hand. “We’re just going to be praying her lifestyle doesn’t rub off on you in any way. Just like I am going to pray your trip this summer will maybe dissolve whatever friendship does exist and that you’ll meet Godly people on it.”
“Of course you will,” Avery sighed her voice soft, knowing there was no way she could argue back. Afraid if she did her mom would go back on letting Paisley be in her life openly at least. “So when do I take the classes for my GED?”
Diana seemed to smile more at the subject change. “Classes start the first Friday in April and continue every Friday until the first weekend in May. Then you’ll take the test and you should know by the end of May if you passed. I figured you can leave for your trip sometime in June with a planned stop back home for the fourth of July then you can go back to traveling until August or September.”
Avery nodded her head because of course her mom even while agreeing to let her go on a trip still hadn’t loosened the reigns all that much. Still decided how long Avery would be gone and when she’d come home to visit.
Then again the fourth of July was a semi huge affair for the family at times. With a cookout and fireworks in the backyard.
“But I am sorry Avery,” Diana apologized as she stood from the bed. “I just hope one day that you can see why I did what I did.”
“I hope I can too,” Avery replied not even saying she forgave her mom. Which was a first and one Diana must have realized because she only frowned before turning and leaving Avery’s room.
After she was gone Avery didn’t even pick up her book again. Instead she laid back on the bed, frowning herself as she replayed her mom’s words on being a moral failure just for being gay and she realized then that maybe she hated her mom’s religion.
Maybe she hated the God her mom believed in.