August 2010
Sitting at the kitchen table in Ethan’s mom’s house, Avery looked around nervously at the people seated at the table.
Ethan was at her side and she was sure he was getting a kick out of her nervousness around his mom. Feeling like the woman was sizing her up. Though besides his mom his sister was here as was his sister’s fiancee. A man who looked to be in his late twenties and looked as if he too found amusement in Avery’s plight.
Then again he had once been in her shoes even if technically she wasn’t dating Ethan. Hell, they hadn’t even kissed since the night he told her the decision was up to her.
A decision she still hadn’t decided on because in ways she still felt like she was going through the motions of life. Going to work and dealing with her break up as well as the heartbreak that Paisley wanted nothing to do with her anymore.
She just wanted to be written out of the story that was Avery’s life. Something that hurt because hadn’t Avery once drunkenly proclaimed Paisley as her future wife?
“So Avery?” Caitlin, Ethan’s mom spoke as she eyed Avery. “How long have you and my son been dating?” she questioned and her question made Avery swallow the bite of her chicken casserole way to hard.
Not sure how Caitlin Winston had came to the conclusion she was dating Ethan. All she had done was come to New York with him for his birthday.
“We’re….I’m…we’re not dating,” Avery corrected her with a forced smile. “Not that your son isn’t a catch because he is…”
“She’s a lesbian mom,” Ethan revealed which caused his sister to snort out a laugh.
Though Caitlin Winston’s cheeks were a nice shade of pink which eased Avery’s nerves some.
“So do you have a girlfriend then?” Norah, Ethan’s sister spoke up.
Avery shook her head, “I just broke up with my girlfriend last month actually. It was a long time coming.”
Norah nodded her head as she eyed Avery too. Like she was contemplating all this new information. The table falling silent at least until Norah’s fiance changed the subject. Going into some talk about politics and for that she was thankful.
Feeling like right now she was safe from prying questions and questioning looks.
“Your mom hates me,” Avery lamented as she sat next to Ethan at some sleazy bar not far from his house. He was getting drunk while she refrained from drinking. Almost feeling like if she drank she’d kiss him and she didn’t want to do that.
Not until she was sure it was what she wanted to do.
Ethan rolled his eyes as he took a long swallow from the beer he had ordered. “She doesn’t hate you,” he muttered to her. “She just isn’t used to me bringing people home unless I’m dating them and it’s serious. The last person I brought home was Gideon,” he revealed and Avery raised an eyebrow.
It wasn’t often that Ethan talked about Gideon, his first love from when he was a teen. Much like Paisley was hers and just like her own tragic love story Ethan and Gideon had ended badly.
Gideon wasn’t ready to come out and Ethan was so Gideon had broken up with him so that he could find happiness and be out.
“So that’s why she jumped to the conclusion that we were dating?” Avery questioned though it came out more like a statement.
“That’s why she came to that conclusion,” Ethan confirmed as he picked up his cell phone and Avery made an angry face as he snapped a picture of her. “I think this one is going on my facebook. Going to call it angry sunshine.”
Avery shook her head violently at that, “You can’t call me an angry sunshine. I’m the moon,” she corrected as she looked down at the tattoo on her wrist. “Paisley was the sun,” she told him watching as he once again rolled his eyes.
“Too late,” he informed her as he held his phone out. Showing her the post on his facebook page. “Which by the way she’ll see it you know. She added me on facebook the other day,” he revealed before pausing.
Almost like he hadn’t meant to tell her and maybe he hadn’t. He probably knew it wouldn’t help her at all to know Paisley had added him when she no longer wanted anything to do with Avery.
Then again her fiancee was friends with Ethan so she could have added him by proxy.
“I think she’s just going to keep everyone but me in her life. Not that I can blame her,” Avery sighed as she looked down at the hem of her dress. Letting her fingers fidget with it some. “I fucked up more than once and I hurt her. She has every right to never want to see me again.”
Ethan only chuckled which made Avery look up in time to see him drinking from his beer. “I think she still cares about you darling,” he told her with a sad smile. “You just broke her heart and it hurts. That and I don’t think you two could ever be just friends. Not like you and I can.”
Avery raised her eyebrow at his words, a part of her wondering if she and Ethan could really ever be just friends again after all the kissing. She really hoped they could which was one reason why she wanted to get whatever decision she made about it right.
“If you say so,” Avery finally spoke her voice soft and she hated that she was feeling down. She was supposed to be in a good mood. She was out with Ethan celebrating his birthday even if it was in some crappy bar.
She didn’t want to be a party pooper.
“I do, now I’m going to order you a drink and you’re going to drink it,” he smiled at her and Avery wanted to tell him no. She really did but her mouth just wouldn’t cooperate for her.
Giggling as she sat next to Ethan on his bed, Avery laid her head on his shoulder. The world feeling like it was spinning and wouldn’t stop which meant she was buzzing, which in a way made sense. She had drank three beers when before the start of the night she had only wanted to stay sober.
But drinking had helped with her paranoia that Ethan’s mom hated her as well as briefly making her forget that Paisley wanted to keep everyone but Avery in her life.
“You know,” Avery sighed as she opened her eyes. “My true goal this year wasn’t to finish my first semester of college.”
“Oh?” Ethan questioned her. “Then what was it? I mean whatever it was I’m guessing you couldn’t say it in front of Cordelia since you lied about it.”
“I couldn’t because it was too fall madly in love and feel alive again,” she revealed as she slowly lifted her head off Ethan’s shoulder. “I guess a part of that sort of came true because when I kiss you I do feel alive again,” she smiled briefly.
Ethan arched an eyebrow and even though he was probably drunker than she was, she could see he had a comment to say. “I feel there is a but,” he told her confirming that he indeed had something to say.
“But I don’t think I can ever fall madly in love with you,” Avery admitted as if she was only now realizing this. Like all the puzzle pieces even in her buzzed mind were connecting. “I don’t know who I’m meant to fall madly in love with again but it’s not you and I think…I think we shouldn’t kiss again.”
“Then we won’t kiss again Avery,” Ethan whispered as he moved to lay down, slowly pulling Avery down with him. “But I do want to cuddle and sleep. Can we do that?”
Avery laughed as she nodded her head, “We can definitely do that,” she answered as she let herself move farther into him as he wrapped his arm around her waist. Her eyes shutting once more and she must have been more tired than she realized because she was falling asleep in no time.
Drifting off into a peaceful sleep. Probably the best sleep she had gotten in days or even a month now.
Maybe this trip and going out tonight had been good for something.
Waking sometime later when she heard something vibrating from beside her on the bed, Avery opened her eyes. Looking around for the source of what woke her up. Her eyes landing on the phone on the bed beside her. Something she was able to see even in the moonlight coming through the window.
Prying herself slowly from Ethan’s embrace Avery tapped the screen on her phone. Seeing a new text message notification from a number she didn’t recognize and against her better judgement she opened it. Raising an eyebrow curiously as she read the words more than once.
Why do you always wear dresses now?
Shaking her head she decided to type back a response.
Who is this and why the hell do you care if I wear dresses more now?
After sending the text she looked it over, almost wondering if maybe it was her mom. Maybe her mom somehow saw pictures of her and got her number from Zac and this was her way of getting in contact again.
But before that thought could go anywhere another text came through.
Will you just answer me Hanson?
Pai?
Yes, now answer.
I don’t know. I guess…I mean…Ethan saw me in one once not long after we moved in together and he said I looked gorgeous. I don’t know if I believed it or if I even believe it now but I looked at myself in the mirror that night I thought I did look gorgeous and now I wear them to feel gorgeous. That and I’m just waiting for the right person to take a dress off me. Why do you even care?
I don’t care. I just saw a picture of you on Ethan’s facebook and got curious. Goodnight Hanson.
Goodnight Pai 🙂
Looking over the text message conversation Avery just sighed as she laid her phone down beside her. Knowing she could almost swear this was a dream, though deep down she knew it wasn’t a dream.
Paisley had texted her just to ask why she wore dresses now. The girl who wanted Avery out of her life had just texted her and maybe she’d never text her again which made Avery hate herself with the hope that she would.
Because just like Paisley had said she was like a drug she craved, Avery almost felt the same. Just one hit of Paisley was never enough.