September 2010
Walking into the diner where she was to meet Zac for breakfast, having woken up this morning to a text from Zac asking if they could have breakfast together before heading to the venue, Avery was beginning to second guess coming.
She was still angry at Zac and above all else she was angry at herself for what happened with Paisley last night. Sleep not having come easy for her last night after Paisley left. So she was almost dreading today and why start off an already bad day having breakfast with the brother she was angry at?
But it was too late to run now. Not when she had texted back and said she’d meet Zac here. She wasn’t going to leave him high and dry.
Looking around the diner once she was inside, Avery spotted Zac, walking over to where he was sitting and sitting across from him.
“Have you already ordered?” she asked keeping her tone casual. Hoping to not come across as angry because the last thing she wanted was an argument with him.
Especially an argument in a public place. That wouldn’t look too good and in some ways she guessed she was her mother’s child. Caring about appearances and not wanting to have an argument in public.
Zac shook his head as he gave her a wary smile, “No, I was waiting for you,” he said and all Avery did then was nod her head. A frown appearing on Zac’s lips. “Are you still mad at me?” he asked, obviously deciding to cut to the chase.
But before Avery could answer him the waitress came to get their drink orders. Avery ordering an orange juice as Zac got water with lemon.
After the waitress was gone, Avery picked up her menu as she flipped through it. Doing her best to distract herself from having to answer Zac just yet. Also figuring her lack of an answer would be answer enough.
“You are still mad at me,” Zac finally spoke figuring things out on his own. “I was hoping contacting Paisley would fix things some between us,” he sighed, sounding so genuine that Avery felt bad.
She felt bad for how she was treating him right now. Even if she also felt justified.
“It didn’t help anything,” Avery finally offered up, breaking her silence. “It only made things worse,” she said, watching as he looked at her confused.
“How did it make things worse?”
Sighing Avery was once again kept from answering by the waitress bringing their drinks and then taking their food orders. Avery ordering the chocolate chip pancakes because it was just a chocolate chip pancake kind of day and Zac ordering some vegetarian omelette.
A part of Avery feeling relieved that he was eating now even if it was healthy food. Because she was sure she’d for the time being always remember when he wasn’t eating or trying to pretend that he was eating.
It wasn’t something she’d forget easy, especially when she felt like at times she should have done more to help him. Though the rational side of her brain knew she couldn’t. Not when he had denied having problems.
Once the waitress was gone again, Avery took a sip of her orange juice before answering Zac.
“It made things worse because I made Paisley choose between Sloan and I and she couldn’t do it,” Avery confessed remembering last night and the pain she felt when Paisley had walked out on her. “I made her choose because I didn’t want you to hate me anymore for being a cheater and in the end I got hurt.”
Shaking his head Zac’s frown seemed to deepen, “I didn’t hate you,” he sighed confirming what she knew deep down. What she had even said last night. “I may have been disappointed but I didn’t hate you. I don’t hate you now. I just didn’t want to see you get hurt Avery. I never want to see you getting hurt especially by someone you love.”
Letting out a sad sounding laugh Avery shook her head, “Guess it’s too late for that huh?” she asked sarcastically. “I got hurt in the end.”
“I’m sorry,” Zac apologized and Avery knew he meant it. He really was sorry that she had gotten hurt in the end.
“I’ll survive,” Avery lied with a shake of her head because right now it didn’t feel as if she would survive.
Zac continued to frown but he didn’t say anything else. Things just went silent between them. Their food arriving not long after and as they ate the silence remained.
Avery for once almost liking the silence. It was better than talking about her broken heart she found.
Avery who had been at the merch booth for half the concert, looked up when her brothers started singing Go. A frown settling on her face as her gaze went to where Paisley was because of course she knew right where Paisley was standing at for the concert.
It was like she was an expert at finding Paisley in crowds now so it was easy to spot her and as Zac sang Avery hated the intense urge she had to cry. It just fucking hurt to see Paisley dancing along with her friends, acting like she was fine after crushing Avery by refusing to choose which in a way had been a choice all on it’s own.
Seeing her acting fine was like a slap in the face to Avery, like maybe to Paisley they had been nothing and who knew maybe they hadn’t been. Paisley could have just been using her to prove a point.
Maybe she had wanted to make Avery hurt as much as Avery had hurt her when she had chosen Cordelia and if that was the case then Paisley had succeeded.
Avery hurt and she felt like her heart had been ripped out and stomped on and there was nothing she could do but let that happen. There was nothing she could do but keep going on, pretending that she was fine with what had happened now that Paisley had chosen in a way.
She’d just have to keep waking up and pretending that her heart wasn’t outside of her chest now.
“So how has your time on the road been?” Ethan asked from the other side of the receiver. Avery holding her cell phone closer to her ear as she settled into her bed.
“It’s been okay,” Avery spoke knowing that’s all she felt like saying especially since Ethan was still in the dark about the brief affair that she had with Paisley.
An affair that Avery was certain was over. Paisley couldn’t choose and therefore was making the choice of staying with Sloan. At least until it fell apart and Avery was certain it would fall apart just like she and Cordelia had eventually fallen apart too.
Avery just hoped that when it did, it wasn’t too late for them. That she hadn’t moved on and found someone else because she really didn’t want to keep doing this same song and dance with Paisley.
She just wanted Paisley for keeps the next time she had her. No obstacles in their way.
“Just okay?” Ethan asked like he knew she was holding back from him. “I figured it’d be fucking fantastic.”
Sighing Avery chewed on her lip. Knowing now would be the perfect time to just confess everything, tell him all the sordid details she was keeping secret.
“It could be better,” Avery finally decided to say. “I’ll give you more details on the ride back home tomorrow.”
Ethan went silent after that, Avery knowing he was thinking things. Probably things she wouldn’t like but wasn’t that her life these past few days?
“That sounds ominous,” Ethan finally spoke with a laugh that sounded uneasy. “Did something bad happen? Am I going to have to kick someone’s ass.”
“No, you won’t have to kick someone’s ass and it’s not as bad as it sounds I promise that E. I guess I’m just scared you’ll hate me or be disappointed in me.”
“Again not helping with that ominous feeling there darling,” Ethan teased keeping his uneasy laugh.
“I’m sorry,” Avery apologized because in the end she was sorry. “Like I said I’ll tell you on the ride back home tomorrow.”
“You don’t have too if you don’t want to Avery,” Ethan sighed and Avery could hear the confliction in his tone. He sounded like he really wanted to know but at the same time he didn’t want to push her.
It was sweet almost and Avery almost wanted to not tell him. But she figured it was time, figured he’d deserve to know why she was miserable at home.
She knew he needed to know about the affair with Paisley and that it was over. Avery trying to once again have to move one or try too.
Despite the fact that one of these days she truly wanted Paisley for keeps. When both of them were ready and there were no other ties keeping them bound.
“But you need to know E, so I’ll tell you when we drive back home,” she told him and he must have decided not to argue with her because their conversation changed to other things.
Avery eventually being the first to hang up the call, letting her phone rest on the table by the bed. Her hand reaching out to turn off the light as she got comfortable in the bed again, knowing she needed to try to sleep. Especially if she was going to stay awake during the drive home tomorrow and tell Ethan everything.