The next few days I spent almost exclusively with Mackie, soaking up our time together before he went back to California. His visits were always too short in my mind. After spending almost every moment practically attached at the hip while we were growing up, time between his trips home stretched on like the long roads he had to drive down to get back to Tulsa.
“You should come back with me. I know you love a road trip just as much as I do, and it’s been a while since you’ve been out there,” he suggested casually one afternoon, while we were sitting downtown drinking iced coffee, something that, now that we were a bit older, had become a daily routine. It was true, I did love being in a car and watching the scenery fly by. Maybe it was because I had spent a lot of my time as a child on a tour bus with my brothers, before they became adults. It was normal to me, which is why I never minded long drives. I preferred driving to flying any day.
“I would love that. I’m itching to get out of Tulsa lately, I’m not sure why…”
“Because you’ve been here for a while, that’s why.”
He was right. I hadn’t been doing much travelling lately. Plus, I had a feeling that mom wouldn’t go for it if I asked.
“I was planning on swinging by Oklahoma City and visiting Avery before driving back,” he added, which made me nearly choke on my coffee. Now I knew I would never get mom’s approval. I didn’t think I would fair very well when I asked to spend some quality time with the two black sheep of the family.
“Um, I don’t know if it’s a great idea for me to come with you, in that case.”
“Oh come on, Zo-bug. That was years ago, she’s over it. She’s not mad at you.”
“How could you possibly know that?”
“I talk to all of my siblings.”
I chuckled a bit at that. I wondered what that was like. I talked to Mackie every day, at the very least we would send each other a couple texts. I was pretty close with Jessica, since she was in Tulsa and always seemed to be hanging around the house with mom. Since my three oldest brothers had children now, they were forced to talk to me more, since I babysat so much for them. I wondered if we would ever hang out if I wasn’t their convenient nanny.
“I’ll ask Mom. I do kind of want to have an adventure or something this summer. I’ve been so bored of Tulsa lately.”
It was true. I missed the excitement of going on the road with the band, even if I had been very young. The memories were still there, and certainly I had idealized them in my head now, but that still meant that I loved going on a road trip. Especially if it was with my best friend. There definitely was the issue of Avery, though. ‘
***
I wracked my brain, searching for a time when I had seen my mother this angry. I wasn’t sure I could come up with anything. I had heard stories from Mac about when Taylor told my parents that Natalie was pregnant, and how my mother had flown into a rage. But I had only been four. I had no memory of it. I watched from the stairs as she paced around the living room, raving to my father about how when Avery got home she would be in trouble. Avery had been acting strangely lately. She had been scurrying around the house as if she had a secret, and spending more and more time with her friends. And now, this. She hadn’t come home at all and it was well passed midnight.
The next morning, I grabbed a book and went out to the porch, if only to remove myself from the wrath of my mother. I didn’t want to get caught in the crossfire. When my mom was angry, she liked to clean, and I hated cleaning no matter what emotion I was feeling. The last thing I wanted was to be handed a dust rag or vacuum while my mother was fuming. I wondered if Avery knew what she was in for. Surely not.
I heard the crunch of gravel and looked up from the chapter I was finishing. It was Avery, pulling into the driveway. Even the way she inched the car forward made me think she was ashamed of something. She got out and walked towards the door, visibly annoyed at my presence.
“You know Mom is going to kill you when you go inside, right?” I said boldly. I couldn’t help the small smile that crept to my lips, as though I was proud of some triumph.
“I figured,” Avery nodded down at me and matched my smile. She had never been incredibly confident. I, the classic youngest child with the loud voice and even louder laugh, sometimes wondered if Avery minded getting lost in the shuffle. She always seemed to fly under the radar, even when she did things that would have gotten me in trouble. But this, she couldn’t escape. “Maybe you’ll get my room once she kills me,” she continued, “Haven’t you always wanted it? It’s bigger than yours.” Her eyes flashed with brazen determination. We were all a little bit too good at snark in this family.
“Funny, Avie,” I said, and rolled my eyes. “But at least I’ll make sure to take care of the room.” I smiled up at her.
“I’m sure you will,” she grumbled as she walked passed me into the house. I wasn’t really sure what Avery had been up to the night before. I slipped in a few moments after her, ascending the stair and hearing mom use Avery’s full name, a sign that she meant serious business. I went into my room but kept the door open, seeing Avery rush passed into her own bedroom and slam the door.
***
I couldn’t stop thinking about possibly going with Mac back to California, even if it was only for a few days. I was feeling so restless, especially now that school was done for the year and I didn’t have much to occupy my time. But I couldn’t even imagine asking mom. I decided to wait.
I trudged back up to my room and opened my laptop. I had added a selfie of Mac and I the other day, and sure enough, when I went to the website I had been lurking on for the past week or so, I saw the picture near the top of the queue. We had taken it in the park on a beautiful sunny afternoon. I clicked further to look at the comments.
Puberty has been kind to Zoe.
My forehead crinkled with confusion as I read it, and then read it again. What did that even mean? I wasn’t sure if I should take it as a compliment.
Zoe is gorgeous! Look at that hair!
That one made me smile, of course. I subconsciously flipped my hair over my shoulder. It was, in my opinion, my best feature.
These two are so cute.
Poor Mac, lol.
Why do you keep posting pictures of the siblings? I don’t care about them and it’s weird. Can you just post pictures of the guys please?
Well, at least there were a few nice comments in there, I figured. I felt a strange dissonance in my head when it came to the last comment. Sure, that was reasonable. It was kind of weird, after all, for them to be posting pictures of us when we weren’t even a part of the band. But at the same time, I wanted them to keep all the pictures of me up. I was important, too.
I left an anonymous comment in reply to that one: Keep posting pictures of the family, I love to see what they’re up to!
I wasted some time scrolling through Facebook before checking back again. There was a reply.
Okay, weirdo.
I laughed out loud, filling the empty room with my glee. If only they knew, I thought playfully to myself. I once again clicked the “reply button.”
Zoe’s instagram is public. It’s not like she’s hiding her selfies. The same can’t be said for some of the pictures on this website, but I digress.
A few minutes passed by before another reply appeared.
I just don’t understand why we have to be subjected to the selfies of an insufferable, teenage girl when I could hop onto instagram and see the same picture posted by every sixteen year old in the country. What’s the point? Show me pictures of the band, please. I’m not a fan of the family, I’m a fan of the band.
I was on a roll now. I couldn’t stop myself from replying yet again.
Okay, then why do I have to subjected to pictures of Zachary in treatment when that is very clearly a breach of privacy and not something he ever wanted anyone to see. Zac is a very private person. Those pictures made me uncomfortable and I’m sure him seeing the pictures on this website made him incredibly uncomfortable as well. Whereas a selfie of Zoe is completely harmless. I feel sorry for you that a selfie of a pretty girl upsets you this much.
My breathing and heart rate quickened as I typed.
Oh please, Zac doesn’t look at this website.
I once again laughed at the response.
Keep telling yourself that.
I slammed my laptop shut.