It felt so good to be clean. I had been so out of it, taking a bath hadn’t even crossed my mind. I think maybe someone changed the bed sheets at some point, but it was all a blur.
A sign said 50 miles to Tulsa. It couldn’t get here fast enough. We were both so ready to see Everette. I sent a text to Taylor as soon as we left, then I called my mom once we were on the interstate to let her know we should be home about 4. I tried to call Zac, but he didn’t answer. I figured maybe I could behave myself if Nikki was right there to overhear everything. In a day or two I would drop by to check on him. And I would see him at our holiday party.
I saw my phone light up before I heard the ringtone and answered right away. “Hello?”
“Hey,” it was Zac’s voice.
“Hi. What’s up?”
“You called me.”
“That’s right. I just wanted to see how things were with you.”
“You mean am I eating?”
“Yes.”
“Ike, I’m trying. I really am. Kate noticed I’d lost a lot of weight and she is worried, too.”
“Katie could stand to put on a few pounds, too.”
“Don’t call her Katie. That’s your name for her. And don’t talk about my wife. I don’t talk about yours.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry.” I knew I was in the wrong that time. On both counts. Thats the thing about words, though. Once they are out in the world, there isn’t anything you can do about them.
Zac let out a long breath. I could tell he was trying to let it go. Maybe Kate was in hearing distance.
“Alright. How did everything go down there? Taylor said they kept you an extra day.”
“Yeah, I had some complications.”
“You would.”
“That’s what I thought. Leave it to me to complicate a routine surgery. We are about 45 minutes from mom’s house, though.”
“I went over the other day. She was having the best time keeping Ev.”
“I’m sure. She has always loved babies.”
“I guess that’s why she had so many of us.”
“Maybe so. But it’s nice to have the support system.”
“Until the supports start to suffocate you,” he said quietly.
“Zac. I’m sorry. I know I don’t always say or do the right things. I screw up a lot. But it’s only because I care about you and I want you to be healthy.”
“I know you do. But whatever part of my brain that is messed up can’t always see that.”
“Your brain isn’t messed up, Zac.”
“Then why is food such a huge issue? Most people don’t think twice about it. You and Taylor just eat whatever you want whenever you want and stay skinny.”
“I don’t know the answer to that, Zac. I really don’t. But you know better than anyone else that me and Taylor have our own issues,” Zac started to interrupt, but I kept going this time. What I had to say was important. “I’m not saying that to one-up you or make the things you are dealing with any less important. I’m just saying that we aren’t judging you, even if, as your older brothers, we tend to be hard on you. We are here to support you, but you have got to let us in.”
“How much more in do you want to be? We work together and pretty much live on top of each other on tour. You’re in.”
“And still, you manage to hide so much from us. All you have to do is ask for help. Let us know how you are feeling. You know we will help you.”
“You guys are busy with your own families.”
“You are our family. This thing is a community effort. Please, let us help you.”
Zac didn’t say anything.
“So, we are still having the Christmas party next Saturday. We would love for you and Kate to come.”
“Ok, I’ll see if she feels up to it.”
“Fair enough. Hope to see you then.”
“Feel better, Ike.” He hung up then. It was just as well. We were almost at my parents’ house. I couldn’t wait to see Everette, even if holding him would have to wait a little while.
I took Nikki’s hand. “I’m so ready to see our little one,”
“Me, too,” she said, bring my hand to her lips, then pressing it against her stomach.
“Wait. Are you? Are we? Everette is going to have a brother?”
“Or a sister. But, yes. I wanted to make sure that you went through with your surgery before I told you.”
“How long have you known?”
“Just a couple weeks. He is due in July.”
“I would have skipped the surgery if I would have known.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you. It’s better to get it all over with, then we could move on.”
“But I could have waited until a better time.”
“There is never a better time. There is always band stuff and family stuff and life stuff. I’ve learned that we just have to roll with things as they come.”
“That is true, but I wish you would have told me. All that hospital sitting couldn’t have been good for the baby. My Dad could have drove me down.”
“The better solution would have been for me to be up here all alone? Not knowing what was going on? Personally, I think the better solution was for me to be with my husband, and in walking distance of a hospital.”
“Those are very good points,” I told her. “Do your parents know?”
“Yes. But yours don’t.”
“When should we tell them?”
“I think after the new year would be good. Let things settle a bit from the holidays.”
“Ok, we’ll wait to tell them.”
We pulled into my parents’ driveway. We had bought a big sprawling house on acres of land for the family. The three of us lived there, too, until we each got married.
I got out of the door and hurried around to help Nikki out.
“Another reason I didn’t tell you is that I knew that I would start getting the big brother treatment.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
“I’m your wife. I am your partner, and I can take care of myself.”
“I know. But I like taking care of you. It’s my responsibility.”
“I plan to take care of you for the next few weeks. Just take it easy. You could barely walk two days ago.”
“Now that I’m out in the sunshine, I feel like I could walk forever.”
“Well, how about lets walk to the door and get our son.”
“Fair enough.”
My mom met us at the door. “Do you feel like walking, Clarke Isaac?”
“Yes. It’s just a little ways,”
“I missed you,” she hugged me and and I returned the hug with just my right arm. “I was so worried. Nicole called and told me about the infection. I almost started to drive down, but then who would keep sweet Everette?”
“Speaking of . . .” I asked
“He is sleeping. Why don’t you come in and eat so we don’t wake him?”
I looked at Nikki. She nodded. A home-cooked meal sounded nice, and I knew neither of us felt like cooking.
“That sounds great, Mrs. Hanson. Thank you. We didn’t buy a lot of groceries before we left. I’ll try to get to the store tomorrow,” Nikki said.
“Oh, I already had Walker drop a few things by your house.”
“Mom, that’s really not necessary.”
“We take care of our kids, Isaac.”
“I know,” I hoped she didn’t notice me glance at Nikki’s belly when I said that. I hoped I was half as good as my parents.
Mom had outdone herself, a full roast, potatoes, pasta, green beans, corn, broccoli, two kinds of rolls, a chocolate cake, and a pie for dessert.
“Glad to see you got your appetite back,” mom said as I went for second helpings. “Did you even eat in the hospital?”
“Nikki made sure I had something other than the fake food they serve there.”
“Good to hear,” she said, smiling at my wife.
“I managed to make do with the restaurants around. Good thing Baylor Hospital is also a college, lots of grab and go options around to cater to that crowd,” Nikki said.
“Oh yes, I suppose so,” my mom replied.
Nikki started to get up from the table seconds before I heard Everette start to cry.
“How did you . . .” I asked.
“Intuition,” she and mom said at the same time.
She came back a few minutes later with our son, tears still in his eyes but no longer crying as he curled against Nikki’s shoulder. I started to reach for him, but the pain in my side reminded me to not yet. I settled for kissing the top of his head and wrapping them both in a half hug.
“Isaac, why don’t you sit down with Everette and I’ll help your mom with these dishes.”
“No, no, no. You have had a long day, well really a long week. Go home and rest. Enjoy your family.” mom said, hugging us both, then kissing Everette before walking us to the door. “Love you all!” She called as we got into our car.
“Love you, too.” We called back. I felt helpless as I watched Nikki buckle Everette in. It required two hands, so I couldn’t help for at least a week.
We only lived a few minutes away from my parents, but it seemed like the longest part of the ride. Ev was fussy again because his mom couldn’t hold him, and I strained my side a bit trying to reach back to help him calm down.
“Don’t hurt yourself,” Nikki cautioned.
“Ok. I just don’t like it when he cries.”
“I don’t either. And I know he must have wondered where we were, and needs reassurance, but he also needs to learn that we aren’t going to pick him up every time he cries. Especially when he has a brother or sister to share us with.”
“You’re so smart,” I lightly touched her cheek.
“I learned from you,” she said.
We both breathed a sigh of relief when we made the final turn onto our street. There was our house, just as peaceful as we had left it.
“Welcome home, Mr. Hanson,” Nikki said to me after she had pulled into the garage.
“I never left, my love,” I told her, “Because you were never far away.”
She smiled that smile that still made my knees go weak. I hoped I could always make her smile like that.