“Another take?”
“No, I think that will do it. Time for dinner, Natalie’s bringing a friend. Wanna come,Ike?” Taylor asked.
I glanced at the bathroom door. No one else heard Zac throw up, but I did. I would have to talk to him about it tonight. It wasn’t the first time, and his weight loss was starting to worry me.
I didn’t want to call him out in front of everyone and embarrass him or make things worse. We had our first tour since 2000 starting in a few months and we all had to be on top of our game. If the band fell apart, we’d all be out a ton of money. Besides that, I’d have nothing left. I was lucky my brothers still let me be in the band in the first place, considering how much I screw up.
“Nah, I’ll stay here. Just bring me and Zac something back, will you?”
“Sure thing. Might be late though,” Taylor winked at me.
“Go on, have fun. I’ll figure out something for us to eat here.”
I didn’t resent it, not much, anyway. As long as I could remember, I’d been responsible for my younger brothers and sisters. I don’t remember my parents giving me the responsibly, it was a weight I chose to carry myself. I didn’t get my brothers’ looks, or half of their talent, so I had to be good at something. I made it my mission to be good at taking care of them. It was hard, especially since our “teen idol” days. Roadies offering us drugs, girls wanting to date us, men hating us, the media criticizing everything we did. We all wanted to grasp control of anything we could. We worked our asses off, and still didn’t know if we had a chance in hell of making it without a record label. Zac took it to heart. I understood, but I needed him to get his shit together for me and for for the band.
Zac barely acknowledged me as he stepped across the hall from the bathroom. He looked a little lost, like a deer caught in the headlights. We had our equipment set up all over and around his bed in the living room and he had nowhere to go.
“Why don’t you go chill in my room for a bit?” I told him. Zac breathed a huge sigh of relief and bolted into my bedroom. It was small, but at least it was private.
Out of the three of us, Taylor was the most trustworthy in the kitchen, but I scrounged around in the cabinets until I found a box of pasta and some olive oil. I did the best I could with dried spices and butter to come up with a decent sauce.
“Hey Zac,” I knocked on the door.
“Yeah?”
“I made dinner, if you want to eat.”
He opened the door a crack. “Oh, thanks, but I’m not really hungry. We had that big lunch.”
“Zac, we didn’t take a break for lunch.”
“You may not have. I had time to go to In-and-Out while you and Tay were arguing over lyrics. Smells good, I might eat a bit later.”
“No, you’ll eat now, with me.”
“Jeeze, okay Old Man Hanson, chill. You aren’t Dad, you know.”
I put a huge serving of pasta on Zac’s plate, and watched him pick at it for about fifteen minutes.
“It isn’t that bad, is it?”
“Well, you sure aren’t Mom, but it’s okay. Like I said, I’m not very hungry. Must be something about LA.”
“Okay, Zac. Just, try to take care of yourself. If you don’t care enough about yourself to stay healthy, do it for the band.”
“Taylor and you would be pretty lost without me. Neither of you have any rhythm.”
I was glad to see Zac smile again. That was progress at least.
“Speaking of Tay, where is he?”
“Natalie.”
“Ah. Another school break?”
“Who knows.”
“And you didn’t want to hang with the guys?”
“I just didn’t feel like going out is all.” The truth is, “the guys” only showed up when they needed drug money and I never really got into weed. I’d become so attached to my anxiety that I felt lost without it. Whiskey was my drug of choice. I liked the burn and that it took the edge off without making me totally lose control.
“Right.” Zac just looked at me.
“Okay, I’m going to see if we can get the melody to that song right. I’ll be happy for you to join me whenever.”
“Okay, Dad, I’ll think about it.”
I jumped when I heard the door slam. I wanted to call our dad, he always knew what to do, but I knew that telling Dad would probably only make things worse with Zac. I wanted Zac to feel like he could confide in me and trust me with whatever he had going on. I was a grown man, and I could handle this myself. I could take care of my brothers and the band. Normal people juggle work life and family life all the time, right? Then again, maybe working with your family is just asking for trouble.