Our fall tour was booked through the first week in December. We very well could have toured through December, but we all insisted on being with our families for the holidays. Venues were all too happy to book shows since we proved that we could still draw a crowd. Now that most of our fans were of legal drinking age, venues stood to make even more money. We also made a name for ourselves as an easy band to deal with. No riders with impossible to find items, we didn’t destroy green rooms, and we didn’t cancel shows. That was the thing we were most proud of. We powered through band fights and chest colds to make sure that we kept our commitment to play when we said we were going to.
“That’s a lot of shows,” Nikki leaned over my shoulder to look at the list of dates on my laptop.
“I know, but that’s what it takes to keep this thing going,” I told her.
She nodded. “Are we going to be a traveling family like Taylor and Natalie? Or do I stay home and raise your kids by myself?”
Nikki was due to give birth to our first son in April. Taylor, Zac, and I planned to start our tour for the new album in March, take a break, and then tour Europe in mid-April. It wasn’t much time for her to adjust to life as a new mother before I left for tour. I leaned back in my chair. “I want you to come out on tour with me as much as you want to. I want to be involved in our children’s lives. I think it’s just going to have to be trial and error for a while until we find out what works best for us.”
“I guess that’s true,” she cradled her stomach. “I just,” she looked down.
“What is it?” I stood and gently lifted her chin until our eyes met. She had the most beautiful blue eyes, even tear-filled as they were now.
“I don’t want to be left behind. You’ll go on tour and see lots of beautiful women and have so many adventures, and maybe you’ll forget all about me.”
“I have seen lots, and lots of women,”
“You don’t have to rub it in.”
I took her hand. I started again. “I have seen lots, and lots of women in every single country in the world. You, my wife, my love, are the most beautiful woman I have ever laid eyes on. And as beautiful as you are on the outside, it doesn’t hold a candle to how gorgeous you are on the inside. You are the only one I want to come home to. You are the only one I want to share a tiny bunk on the bus with. I promise, with all my heart, I was not trying to push your question aside. Once the baby is born, once we get into our groove, we will figure out what works. And we may have to adjust that plan, and that’s ok. I don’t want to make you a promise that I can’t keep. I would LOVE for you to come out on tour with me the whole time, but I don’t want you to put your life here on hold. I want you to hang with your friends and go do things you enjoy.”
“I can’t just leave the baby. I don’t even know if I will want to.”
“Darling, I do not want to push you to do anything that you don’t want to do. You can start taking the baby out with you as soon as you want to. If you need help, my mom is here. She has lots of experience. I’m sure Natalie would be happy to help as well. And I do have 6 younger siblings, so I know my way around babies, too.”
“I forget that I’m living in the land of child-raising experts,” she said.
“You are going to be a wonderful mom. I know that you are. I just want you to know that even if I’m off on tour, you aren’t alone. You can call me anytime, and you have a support system here. I wouldn’t leave you without one.”
She sighed. “Ok. I’m just nervous.” She looked around our house.
“Do you think this is ok? For the baby?”
“I think you have made our home lovely and filled with love. It will be perfect for him. But you know,” I suddenly had an idea, “Mom and Dad have plenty of space. You could stay with then while we go to Europe.”
“God no,” she said.
I must have looked offended, because she quickly backpedaled. “What I mean is, I appreciate the thought, but I think I would be more comfortable in our home. Also I think it would better for Everette to go ahead and get used to our house.”
“Everette?”
“It’s a family name. Do you like it?”
“It’s beautiful.”
“I thought his middle name could be Isaac, after his amazing father.”
“I like that a lot. But you know Clarke is actually more of a family name than Isaac.”
“I thought you and your family would like the biblical name more.”
It’s true, my parents were super into church. They wanted us to be a Christian band, some of our songs did have religious references, but we were always drawn to rock and roll. Taylor and I were more spiritual and less religious. Zac was really starting to get into the traditions and rules of the Orthodox church. I think the various regulations and fast days gave his fast-paced mind something to focus it’s never ending energy on.
“Well, they are into the bible names, but we need to pick the name we are happy with.”
“Everette Clarke Hanson,” she said, pondering how it sounded.
“What about . . .” We started at the same time. I motioned for her to go ahead.
“Middle names do seem to be a tradition in your family. What about Clarke Everette and we’ll call him Everette?” She said.
“I thought the same thing,” I told her.
“Good,” she kissed me on the cheek. “Your first official father duty will be to make sure the hospital gets his name right on the birth certificate,” she patted her belly “Just in case I’m too out of it to think straight.”
“I can handle that,” I said.