“Ready to go?” Nikki asked. She was wearing light blue jeans and a burnt orange top that hugged her in all the right places. I was looking forward to Thanksgiving. I had made a promise to myself while I was in the hospital that I would start being a better big brother to the siblings I wasn’t in the band with. By my reckoning, I had only about halfway kept my promise this year. This was my opportunity to find out what was going on with them and find ways to help.
“Heads up!” a football flew over my head when I stepped out into my parent’s backyard. Nikki opted to say inside with Everette and Monroe and help mom cook. We brought an appetizer and a fruit salad, which I’m sure would be demolished as soon as we finished our annual football game.
“If you can’t handle the heat, older brother,” Mac said, running over to retrieve the football.
“Oh, I can handle it,” I said. “Who needs an extra player?”
“You can take my place. I’m getting a little worn out, anyway,” Joe said.
“Alright, old man, guess you are on our team,” Taylor said, slapping my back.
“Looks like we are about to tie this up real quick,” Zac said to his teammates. “First team to ten points wins and we already have 8 to your 6.” He was panting, and sweating, much more than I thought he should for the cool November weather.
“7,” I said as Taylor threw the football right past him to one of our teammates that had snuck around to their goal while he was talking. We always played to ten points, one point for each “goal,” which we made out of lawn chairs, trash cans, or whatever else happened to be in my parents’ yard that year.
“Damn it!”
“Language, Zachary,” our mom called from the doorway. She could hear everything. Neither Nikki nor I seemed to have been blessed with enhanced hearing when our children were born. Maybe it was an acquired skill.
“Sorry, Mom,” he said.
Zac’s brown eyes glinted at me, and I imagined all the pent-up frustration from tour went right from his brain to his arm as the football came spiraling towards our goal.
Taylor, using energy I could only dream of possessing, leapt up and caught it inches before it landed near the goal. We used our imaginations to picture an end zone that spread out from either side of whatever we happened to use as a goal marker.
“First down!” someone yelled, and Zac’s team came hurtling toward us. They counted off to the punt and easily got the football over the “goal line” before we had a chance to push them back.
It wasn’t too much longer before Zac’s team had the additional point they needed and we all headed inside to wash up before dinner. Avery was helping my mom in the kitchen, but she looked distracted. I wanted to talk to her about what was going on in her life. I wanted to know if Nikki’s theory was correct. I knew through Jessica that Jeremy had come out as gay to his family and they sent him to conversion therapy. But if it was true, what would I really do? It was hard for me to fully accept that a same sex relationship was okay when I had been taught all my life that it was sinful. As a musician, I met lots of people across the LGBQT spectrum, but to have one of my siblings living that way was hard. I loved Avery. I knew that she was a good person. But, if I wasn’t fully convinced that what she was doing was ok, how could I convince my parents? Should I tell her that I think the way she is living is sinful? If she was doing something that put her soul in danger, wouldn’t I be a worse big brother if I didn’t try to tell her and help her?
Holy shit.
All the things I said to Zac over tour about his weight came back to me. I was a complete asshole to him, and when did I stop to listen to his concerns? I spent all tour assuming he needed my help and trying to force it on him. When did I try to get to the root of all this mess without blowing it off and assuming it came from a place of compete vanity? When did I stop trying to yell at him to eat without really trying to figure out why? And why did I want him to eat more? Because he is the most talented person in the band. We wouldn’t be where we are without him. People outside of the band only see a hyper former child star. But my brother is a genius. He learns any instrument he picks up within hours, if not faster. His lyrics are poignant, but just vague enough to not tell the whole story. That’s important because we never want to air our dirty laundry. And also because it makes a better song if someone can take it and apply it to their situation. Even when Taylor and I bring song ideas, Zac’s suggestions always make them better. I should tell him that. I was going to tell him that tonight. He needs to hear it. He needs a vote of confidence.
I should have been a better big brother. To Avery and to Zac. I was always caught up in doing the right thing, for appearance sake, mostly, that I hadn’t been honest with either of them. That was going to change tonight.
I ran upstairs to the guest bathroom, which used to be my bathroom, to freshen up. I remembered getting ready for dates with local girls in this bathroom. For a double date with Taylor, Natalie, and Kate over the Christmas holidays almost a decade ago. Nikki and I had made our own memories in our house, and I hoped that our boys would have memories just as sweet as they grew older. After the past couple of years it was nice to remember that a bathroom could be used for something other than a prelude to sickness.
I went downstairs and found Nikki first. She was still in the kitchen helping Mom. I noticed that Avery had left.
“It smells great in here,” I told them.
“There are snacks in the living room,” Mom told me.
“Is there anything I can do to help?” I asked.
“I think we have this under control,” Nikki said. “Would you go check on the boys?”
“Absolutely,” I wasn’t ignorant of the fact that the probably just wanted me out of the way.
Zoe was watching the kids play, but when I offered to take over babysitting, she practically skipped out the back door.
Avery came into the living room then and sat down on the floor with her cousins. I saw Zac come in with her and head to the kitchen to find Kate, I assumed.
I took the opportunity to go to the sidebar and grab a beer for some liquid courage.
“Hey Avy?” I began
“Yeah?” she looked up at me.
“Starting early?” My dad came and slapped me on the back.
“Just a little something to warm me up,” I said.
“That football game didn’t do it? I noticed Zac was going pretty hard.”
“Oh yeah, you know he gets quite competitive.”
“I also noticed he could barely keep his pants up. You would think that after his trip to the hospital he would have learned his lesson.”
“Well, you know that us Hanson men are stubborn.”
“Yes, tends to run in the family. Enjoy your beer, I’m going to go put the yard back in order.”
“I’ll come help,” I started to get up.
“No, you relax. You all worked really hard this year.”
“Alright, thanks, Dad.” I said.
Once Dad was gone, I tried again. “Avery, are you ok?”
“Yeah, sure.” She said, looking at Penny’s Barbie doll instead of me.
“You know my big brother radar tells me when something is up,” I tried to keep it light.
“Well, I think your radar must be running behind, then.”
I nodded. I deserved that. “Ok, well if you ever need to talk, I’m here.”
“You aren’t my only big brother, you know.” She said.
Ouch. But I knew that she was closer to Zac than to me. But fat chance of him telling me what was going on.
“Yeah. I know. I think dinner should be just about ready,” I said. “I’ll go see if the ladies need any help getting everything on the table.”
“Kay,” she said.
I got another beer from the sidebar and headed toward the dinning room. Joe and Jessica were setting the table, and everyone else was involved in taking various dishes from the kitchen to the dinning room. It never ceased to amaze me how all the food and all the people fit at one table holiday after holiday.
“There are still a few more things to grab, Isaac,” Mom spotted me out of the corner of her eye.
“Got it.” I joined the procession and soon the table was filled with food, friends and family. My dad said grace and the free for all began.
I was two more beers in before the arguing started.
Jessica and Avery first, then Zoe jumped in the fray. Joe tried to offer words of wisdom to the sisters, but the argument about who did more work to help Mom get Thanksgiving ready wasn’t close to ending.
“I think everyone pitched in,” Taylor tried. “We’re all here and everything is fantastic. Isn’t that the whole point?”
All of the women from Mom to Zoe turned their anger on him, throwing the fact that we had been on tour most of the year in his face. Never mind that our career was the reason our family had enough to eat when so many this day didn’t.
“Don’t you want to get in on this, big brother?” Zac asked. “You like to control everything else. This should be right up your alley.”
I ignored him and opened another beer.
“I think that’s enough, ladies,” my dad said. They all looked at him like he had three heads. He cleared his throat and tried again. “What I meant was, I think that you all have done enough work for today. Why don’t you go relax and the guys will clean the kitchen.”
“That sounds lovely, thank you, Walker,” Mom kissed my dad on his cheek and walked into the living room.
It didn’t take long for all of us to clear the table, and soon we had a system going. I was in charge of filling containers of leftovers for each family to take home, then Taylor put anything left in the fridge. Mac, Zac, and Dad were on dishes, and Joe put them away. We thought that was a good job for him since he didn’t have the Hanson clumsy gene.
“Well, I think that’s it,” Dad said, looking around the kitchen. “What you do you say we go see if the ladies have cooled down any?”
We all headed to the living room. Wives, kids, and little sisters were napping peacefully.
The rest of us found various spots around the house to either nap or watch football until the women of the family gave us other instructions.