Jessica sighed heavily and mopped her brow. A few hairs had fallen loose from her cap, and she struggled against hope to tuck them back in. She supposed, in the greater scheme of things, it really didn’t matter if these boys were tended to by a nurse with her hair hanging just a bit loose. The only protocol that mattered in the hospital was medical protocol.
Even though the guests had still not left, Jessica had refused to give up her shifts at the hospital. The work she did was important, at least on a small scale, and she stubbornly refused to take a break just because there were a few various nobles knocking around the manor for a few days. Her mother hadn’t been so happy about that, but Papa seemed oddly amused. Having served an honorary military post himself, Jessica supposed he understood her sense of duty. Or perhaps he was simply more modern than she’d given him credit for, and didn’t see the big fuss over his daughters having their own work outside of charities and flower shows.
She worked all the way through to luncheon, and was relieved when another nurse came to tell her that she had visitors. A new boy—not a man, he could scarcely be older than her—had been brought in a few days ago, and something about his condition shook her to the core. They had tended his wounds to the best of their ability, but still he didn’t wake. Jessica felt there must be something more she could do to help him, but she could not. She was skilled, but she was no doctor. Lingering long by his bedside, unable to help, left her thoroughly unsettled, and she was relieved to get away.
Her visitors were, to her surprise, a party comprised of the ladies Natalie and Kathryn, and Natalie’s mother. After a moment to collect herself, Jessica remembered that Lady Bryant had worked as a nurse for a time as well, something that hadn’t been so scandalous given her lower rank. Natalie’s charity interests, Jessica knew, largely centered around some children’s hospital near Leeds where she lived. And Kathryn, of course, was scarcely separated from her best friend. Still, Jessica herself had no great affection for either of them, so she could think of no reason why they would truly care enough to deliver her meal.
Still, she accepted it with gratitude and guided Lady Kathryn to a secluded bench where they could eat in peace while the two Bryant ladies were taken on a tour of the facilities. Lady Kathryn had no interest in that, Jessica could see, and she needed the break, as well. The two took their seat and ate in somewhat awkward silence, Jessica trying to work out something to say that wasn’t too pointed or accusing.
Kathryn was the first to speak. “I’ve been instructed to ask if you’ll be riding with us this afternoon.”
“Not after such a long, rough shift here, no. I can think of few things that would feel worse than sitting in a saddle.”
“That’s a shame,” Kathryn replied.
“Why is that?” Jessica asked, eyeing her. Why would Kathryn care one way or another about Jessica’s presence or absence? The two had barely shared ten words over the years; this was the longest conversation Jessica could remember ever having with her eldest brother’s fiancée.
“The bigger the party, the lesser the chance of having to talk to—” Kathryn paused and pursed her lips, obviously realizing she had spoken too freely. “Only, I mean—the more people, the better the conversation, don’t you think?”
“I’ve never been very good at all the small talk anyway,” Jessica replied. It was noncommittal enough, she supposed. A big part of her wanted to press the issue. Who could Kathryn have been referring to? Isaac wasn’t there, of course, but they had always gotten along well enough. They were both dreadfully dull, at least.
Kathryn shook her head. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say anything. I wouldn’t want to put you in the middle of anything unpleasant.”
“Of course not.” Jessica glanced at the hospital behind Kathryn’s shoulder. What could be more unpleasant than working there? The intricacies of upper class social interaction, for one thing, but Jessica was still at least capable of viewing it all with a detached sort of interest. And she certainly couldn’t help being interested in whatever or whoever had ruffled Kathryn’s feathers.
There were few candidates, really. Other than the Bryants and Tuckers, all of the guests had been locals who were easily able to return home the night before. It would be a small riding party, then. Avery and Zoe could both be loud and needy, but Natalie and Kathryn had always seemed to like them well enough. Jessica herself was in the wrong age bracket to have ever gained their affection; not close enough to their age to be a true friend but not far enough from it to be deemed a potential protégé.
That left only her brothers, Jessica realized. Taylor was, for obvious reasons, right out. And that left only one, perhaps the most obvious, candidate.
“What has Zachary done now?” Jessica blurted out, not even bothering to pretend she was embarrassed with her own imprudence.
“Not much, yet,” Kathryn replied, eyeing Jessica somewhat suspiciously, as though she feared she might be tattled on. “But I expect he’s only getting warmed up.”
“That sounds like him,” Jessica agreed, giving Kathryn an appraising look.
Yes, it all made sense now. Lady Kathryn had, sometime after announcing her engagement to Isaac, finally grown into her looks. She had always had a regal bearing that Jessica envied; it nearly hid the fact that she was all legs and elbows. Now, her looks matched the graceful manner with which she carried herself. Simply put, she was beautiful, and that was all it took to get Zac’s attention. Perhaps it was some perverse desire to prove he wasn’t anything like Taylor, but Zac had never been particularly discrete. Of course, Taylor had to be discrete, whether he wanted to be or not. Either way, Jessica could hardly stomach Zac’s behavior at times, and it seemed Lady Kathryn shared her distaste.
“I’m sure it does,” Kathryn replied. “You’ll forgive me, but I am well aware of his reputation. I know you’re all close, so I don’t mean to offend you. I only hope that perhaps you can pass along the message that I’m not interested in the least. He might be more inclined to believe it coming from you.”
“He’s not one to easily take no for an answer, no matter what the source.”
Kathryn nodded. “I was rather afraid of that. Well, that just means I’ll have to get more creative. He’ll learn soon enough who he’s tangling with.”
Jessica stared at Kathryn, rather impressed. She was graceful and regal, but she had a temper as well; Jessica had a vivid memory of several fights between Isaac and Kathryn when they had been teenagers not yet officially engaged. Perhaps, for once, Zac was biting off more than he could chew. Jessica made up her mind not to warn him at all.
“I’d imagine he already knows,” Jessica replied. “Although, to be honest, he usually goes for more—well, low-hanging fruit, shall we say. He likes the thrill of the chase well enough, though.”
Kathryn laughed softly. “What boy doesn’t?”
“I wouldn’t really know,” Jessica mumbled, ignoring the look that earned her.
“In any case, you will tell him that he’s barking up the wrong tree, whatever sort of fruit he’s seeking,” Kathryn said. A slight blush colored her cheeks as she seemed to realize how lewd her words might sound.
Jessica stifled her own laugh at that. “I’ll tell him exactly that.”
“You might choose other words, as long as it comes to the same point.”
Jessica nodded. She was lying to Kathryn’s face, she knew, but whether she told Zac or not, it wouldn’t stop him. If he had seen even a glimpse of Kathryn’s spirit, he wouldn’t be deterred. If anything, he would be more interested. From all Jessica had seen, she didn’t think Zac had ever faced a challenge like Lady Kathryn before, and she had to admit, she was going to enjoy watching the fallout.
Lady Kathryn spent the better part of the afternoon chiding herself for opening her mouth to Jessica. Jessica might not have had any interest in romance or gossip, but Kate was sure that even she could see that the lady doth protest too much. Zachary himself was thick enough not to see through her protests, but she knew it wouldn’t be long before everyone else did.
Just a few more days, she reminded herself. If she could get through the ride this afternoon and a few more dinners where she would hopefully not be obligated to talk to Zachary at all, she would be safely home and free from these conflicting feelings about her fiance’s younger brother.
Did Zac even appreciate how delicate of a situation she was in? Kate had to wonder. She liked Isaac well enough, she supposed, though there had never been any great affection between the two of them. Still, that didn’t mean she wished him ill or wasn’t affected by his disappearance. She hated herself for even considering that, were he never to return, she might be free. Of course, that still didn’t mean she would be able to choose her own husband, but she supposed it would increase the chances of her parents choosing someone she liked a bit better. It couldn’t hurt her chances, at least.
And what were the chances that her parents would choose Captain Hanson? Slim to none, Kate reasoned. Still, it wasn’t as though she needed to marry especially well. The eldest of the twins would inherit, and the family’s fortune, modest though it was, had survived the war well enough. With the family safe, Kate was—so far as her parents saw fit—reasonably free to do what she wanted with her life.
She doubted that freedom extended to marrying her presumably dead fiance’s younger brother.
Kate shook her head, as if it rid it of these thoughts. None of it mattered—at least, not until they knew Isaac’s fate for certain. All she could do for now was refuse Zac’s advances, lest she appear too eager to move on. Given the way he was leering at her as they all stood by the stables, awaiting their assignments for the day, she suspected that would be much easier said than done.
It did not pass Kate by that she and Zac had been assigned horses named Tristan and Isolde. She was certain Zac himself had played some role in making sure that happened. She just barely managed to restrain herself from rolling her eyes when Zac shot her a quick wink before mounting his steed. They were handsome horses, at least, and Isolde seemed pleasant enough as Kate led her into a trot. In that respect, at least, the ride might not be so bad.
The grounds were gorgeous, too, and Kate felt herself relaxing as she rode casually around them. They weren’t hunting, just riding for pleasure, and so she felt no need to do more than enjoy the scenery.
Her mistake, though, was in not remaining alert. She hardly noticed anyone had ridden up beside her until he spoke. “Would it be terribly inappropriate to tell you how lovely you look today?”
“Coming from you, even that is inappropriate.”
Zac simply smirked, and Kate felt her stomach twist itself into terribly complicated knots. “My dear, I haven’t even begun to be inappropriate. But I can, if you like. Might I start by saying I’d much rather see you ride astride?”
“That wouldn’t do in a skirt now, would it?” Kathryn asked, self-consciously taking a hand off the reins to pat the skirt of her linen habit. It was stylish, but not so stylish as to sport the new jodhpur style pants that her parents didn’t quite approve of. She knew that was right out when she saw the way they eyed Natalie’s outfit.
“Who says there was a skirt present in my fantasy?” Zac replied, his smirk twisting into something altogether vulgar.
Kate felt a deep blush working its way up her chest, neck and over her entire face, until she felt that steam might come out of her ears just to let off a bit of pressure. After taking a deep breath, she replied, “I’m sure I don’t want nor need to know anything about your fantasies.”
“Then shall we talk about yours instead?” Zac asked. “I can’t imagine my dear brother figures into them. So tell me, who’s really on your mind when you’re alone with His Boringness?”
“It’s hardly right to speak that way of the—” Kate paused.
“The dead, you mean?” Zac raised an eyebrow, then drew his horse closer to hers. “We don’t know that yet, darling. But I suppose I know your fantasy now—you dream of being free to pick your own man. And if you were? Well, then, you wouldn’t need to protest so much when I speak to you. That’s it then, isn’t it? It’s not that you don’t want me; it’s that you’re far too constrained by your duty to admit it. I must say, duty is not one of my favorite qualities in a woman.”
Kate sat up straighter in the saddle, as though it were possible to sit up any straighter than one naturally did when riding sidesaddle. The effect, she hoped, was that she looked even more regal than usual; at least, it put her on the same level with Zachary. She hoped that would shake him. She didn’t dare show that she was affected by his words at all.
He had seen through her, though. He had seen right through her all too easily. She didn’t dare admit to anyone that a tiny part of her did wish to be free of her obligation to Isaac. But even if she were, it wouldn’t leave her free, as Zac had said. It might very well see her saddled to some middle aged widow or a veteran with worse injuries than Zachary himself.
And even if she were free… would she choose Zachary?
She hated that she even had to ask herself the question. That, on its own, was close enough to an answer, and it wasn’t an answer that she liked in the least.
“When I have ever,” Kate began, again drawing herself up to her full seated height. “When have I ever seemed to care what qualities you preferred in a woman, or indeed, appeared to conform to said qualities?”
“When you put it that way—never, I’ll grant you. But even a stopped clock is correct twice a day.”
“Which is more than one could say for you,” Kate quipped, then gave the reins a sharp tug, hoping to put some distance between the two of them.
He would catch her up eventually, she was sure. It was a pitiful attempt at an insult, but had shaken her to her core. He knew. He understood how conflicted she was, how she had suddenly found herself attracted to someone, even though she wasn’t free yet. And worst of all, he knew the identity of that someone—him.
They had practically grown up together, though. How could she be attracted to him? In spite of the uniform and the gravitas it gave him, Zac was still the chubby little boy who had tormented her every time she came to visit. God, had he been flirting with her even then? Kate dismissed the thought as soon as it came. Flirtation was one thing; Zac had been outright cruel, and it had hurt her more than she had realized at the time. Perhaps she wasn’t attracted to him now at all; perhaps it only amused her to see that he was clearly attracted to her. To see how the tables had turned.
Yes, that must have been it, she told herself.
She couldn’t be attracted to him, anyway. What was there to be attracted to? Perhaps he had aged fairly well, but so had she. That was nothing to get so excited about, even if his baby fat had hardened into muscles that were obvious even in his dinner jacket. Still, he had that annoying smirk and wore his hair scandalously long. He was an odd mixture of features that shouldn’t have worked together at all and yet—
No. Kate shook her head. She was not attracted to Captain Zachary Hanson, of all people. It simply wasn’t possible.
And even if it was possible, it wasn’t at all acceptable. What would Isaac think? Well, he would probably laugh, Kate realized. It had always amused him to see her fight with Zac. He would probably find it thoroughly amusing that she now felt this strange twisting in her gut when she looked at his annoying little brother.
But would he be jealous? Kate asked herself. She didn’t have an answer, and that worried her. If Isaac wouldn’t be jealous, wouldn’t feel the need to fight for her… If there was one thing she could say for Zac, she was sure that he would fight for any woman he considered his.
And she was becoming increasingly aware that, god help her, she might rather be his than Isaac’s. If only she could keep the two of them from ever finding that out.