She Says I Remind Her of Home
Moved all the way cause her grandma told her
“Townes, better swim before you drown”
The house was small, but it was hers.
Carolina still felt like a tourist sometimes, but knowing that she owned this glorified cabin in the woods and no one—excluding the bank, she supposed—could take it from her made things feel a bit more permanent. A bit more fixed and steady.
For two years, she had shared an apartment with her high school friend Isaiah and, later, his girlfriend Phoebe. She and Isaiah had moved to California together on a whim; Carolina hadn’t thought he was serious about the plan when they had first discussed it. Isaiah understood, though, that there was nothing left for Carolina in West Virginia. She filled out an application for San Jose State’s grad program in library science, Isaiah found a job and a cheap apartment on Craigslist, and off they went.
Carolina’s family hadn’t understood, but over time they had at least accepted it. When she graduated that spring, both her parents had been in attendance, although they’d kept their distance from each other and their respective new other halves. They knew, finally, that she wasn’t coming back home, and Carolina knew it was finally time for a home of her own.
It hadn’t seemed possible, but her father’s lump-sum graduation present–don’t tell your mother–and the money she’d squirreled away from all the books she published for fun (books no one’s mother needed to know about) made for a decent enough down payment. The house was a little farther away from some of the Santa Cruz county library branches she commuted to, but living on the outskirts of San Jose for two years had been long enough for her. Being in the city was suffocating; being on the edge of a state park was just right.
The house had a neat little alcove full of light that Carolina decided was perfect for her home office. Her cats, Nancy and Ned, could lounge in the ceiling-high windows while Carolina made slow but steady progress on the latest draft of her next book. It wasn’t high brow literary fiction by any means, but Carolina wanted to get it right. Writing steamy romances was almost enough to help her forget that her love life had been completely non-existent since her arrival in the Golden State.
Almost.
But Carolina didn’t like to dwell on that. The less time spent thinking about how she was already, at twenty-four, well on her way to crazy old cat lady status, the better.
It probably wasn’t ideal for her to be out in the middle of nowhere without any friends around, but Carolina hadn’t ever been much of a people person anyway. As long as she had a high speed internet connection, she figured she didn’t stand too high of a chance of going completely stir crazy.
Her laptop had been the first thing she had unpacked, settling it into its new home on the alcove’s built-in desk before she had unpacked a single dish or pair of underwear. It was still her favorite spot in the house, a spot she headed straight for every day after work.
It was too hot in July to cook, so Carolina got creative with dinner. One night, while attempting to edit chapter thirteen into something particularly steamy, she found herself eating yogurt straight from the container, a few raspberries dumped in just for variety’s sake. At least it was healthy, she reasoned with herself.
So far, all she was accomplishing was polishing off the yogurt. No matter how long she stared at the chapter, no solutions presented themselves. Her characters simply didn’t want to behave themselves; no one was getting naked when she needed them to and their chemistry was severely lacking. Maybe it had been too long since Carolina had any chemistry of her own…
She shook her head. Another wasted night. At least she didn’t have any deadlines other than her self-imposed ones and the well-intentioned nagging of her fans.
If they could see me now… Carolina thought to herself as she sat down the yogurt and shifted positions. She curled her legs under her and refreshed her email inbox for what felt like the four hundredth time that day, as though this time it might reveal something new and different.
It did.
She recognized the name the new message was from—Laura Jane was another popular author in her genre, and though they had exchanged a few friendly comments on their professional Facebook accounts, Carolina wasn’t so sure she would count her as a friend. Her curiosity piqued, Carolina opened the email and began to read.
From: laura.jane@gmail.com
Subject: From one writer to another
To: montanalogan@gmail.comHey chica!
Hope you get this. I don’t know about you, but my inbox is a mess lately, since my newest release. I did NOT expect people to be so into it, but I guess the m/m romance scene is just booming right now.
Which is why I’m emailing you total out of the blue…
A bunch of us are putting together an anthology, something a little darker for Halloween. I know it’s super short notice, but we’re talking a long short story, maybe a mini-novella at best. I think your writing would fit in perfectly!
And on a more personal note, I have to say that your latest protagonist, Jude, reminded me so much of this indie musician I love. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence, but if it’s not, then you and I have GOT to get together in person. You’re in NorCal, aren’t you? I’m just over in Nevada, outside of Reno.
Anyway, let me know what you think about the anthology! I hope you don’t think I’m too crazy for basically propositioning you out of nowhere. Hey, this could be the start of a good novel…
–Laura Jane
Carolina stared at the email. She couldn’t remember the last time she had sent someone an unsolicited message like that, out of the blue. Aside from posting to her blog, which she did only to promote her writing, Carolina was the very definition of a lurker. She didn’t really want to be that way; she wanted to make friends. This was an opportunity to do just that being handed to her on a metaphorical silver platter. She clicked reply.
From: montanalogan@gmail.com
Subject: Re: From one writer to another
To: laura.jane@gmail.comHey!
Thank you so much for what you said about my book and for thinking of me for the anthology! I’ll admit, I haven’t had a chance to read your latest book yet, but I’m sure it’s awesome. I just moved and got promoted at work, so things have been pretty hectic…
…which means I really shouldn’t commit myself to a new writing project when I’ve spent the last hour staring at a chapter that just refuses to write itself. But you know what? It sounds like a lot of fun! Catch me on gchat some time and let me know more about it. I don’t want to write another vampire/werewolf/whatever if it’s what everybody else is doing. Maybe we can brainstorm some better ideas. Fallen angel? I dunno. Something unique. I’ll figure it out.
In the meantime, I’ll be staring at this chapter again, hoping it finally gains sentience. But before I end this, can I just ask what musician you had in mind? You never know… he just might be exactly who I was thinking of when I wrote that blue-eyed, blonde haired twink…
– Montana Logan
Carolina wondered if she should have signed the email with her real name, rather than her pen name. Then again, for all she knew, Laura Jane wasn’t her real name either. For the time being, Carolina decided it was probably best to play it close to the chest–even if Laura Jane was smart enough to figure out Carolina’s secret inspiration, one it had taken her three novels to piece together herself.
She had never admitted it to anyone else, but Carolina had a type. It took a concerted effort not to write every single male character the same way. She hadn’t even realized she was doing it at first, but when she saw the pattern, there was no denying it.
Nearly every man she wrote was, in at least some small way, inspired by Taylor Hanson.
It wasn’t like she was writing fanfic, exactly, although Carolina had read her share of it as a teenager, during the brief and wonderful time when Hanson had been a band. She had even written one or two, although her fifteen year old writing style left a lot to be desired, and she had never gained much popularity. She had always felt invisible amongst his fans, but she kind of preferred it that way. Some of his fans had been far too intense and cliquish for her tastes, so fading into the background seemed preferable. She had continued to follow Taylor online over the next few years, but she couldn’t remember the last time she had checked his LiveJournal. Maybe it was time to change that, she decided.
It took her a few minutes to remember the correct username and password combination for her own journal. She had read his journal for years before working up the nerve to add him to her friends. She remembered her elation when he had randomly added her back, although it was quickly dashed when she realized he had gone on a follow spree, adding several fans, both better known and more obscure than herself.
It still gave her a thrill to see his username listed amongst her friends. Still the same username, years later, although she noticed that his name was now displayed as “Jordan Taylor” and there was a link to what appeared to be a new website for music under the same name.
How long had it been? Carolina really couldn’t remember. The last she recalled, nearly a year had passed between updates and she wondered why she even bothered checking. Then she had lost interest, and other things in her life had taken precedence over following a silly, teenage crush who would never even know she existed.
Then again, he did know she existed. Her username listed under his friends was proof of that. She might just be a username on a screen, but that was more than nothing. Very, very slightly more, Carolina chided herself. Still, it made something stupid and irrational flutter up in her heart. Maybe diving back into his fandom, small as it was, was what her life needed right then. Maybe this would be good for her.
She could justify it all she wanted, but Carolina’s scrolling finger was ahead of her mind, already moving down the page to find something to explain all that had happened since she had last peeked into Taylor’s world.
Jordan Taylor (sacredfool83) wrote:
2005-03-18 19:48:00
California state of mind
Sorry for completely dropping off the radar for… wow, a really long time. Yikes. Is anybody even still reading this?
This will be news to some of you and old news to others, but I have officially left Oklahoma. I needed a change, and I enjoyed the time the band spent in California when we thought we might get to record a second studio album. That didn’t happen, but I’ve been longing for the golden state ever since then, and never got quite enough of it on the few trips I was able to make throughout the years.
So, here I am.
As for when there will be new music, I can’t really say for certain. I’m working on an EP but I don’t have a deadline for it or anything, since I’m doing it entirely on my own. As soon as I have more news, you guys will be the first to hear it.
Peace out, y’all.
Carolina glanced at the date on the entry. Nearly two and a half years ago, just a few months before her own arrival in California. It was a coincidence, of course; Carolina was sure she had no idea that Taylor had moved out west, too.
The next entry had a large photo in it, an abstract portrait of Taylor with some text slapped on it that Carolina realized was the cover for an EP. Below it was a download link. She clicked it, knowing that she was sucked back in like no time at all had passed.