Spencer's life had gone on. She couldn't think of a better way to describe it. Although Zac had been an interruption, things had continued as they always do; neither good nor bad, just continuous. She had only spoken to Zac – if you can call a text message that she did not even dignify with a response speaking – once since he had left Nashville for good.

At first, Spencer assumed that he would go on sending random messages or making random calls until she replied. But he did not. She wondered if he had even kept her number or if, after months of silence, he had finally seen fit to delete it from his address book. She wouldn't dare dial his number and find out, though.

So that was it. It was over.

Yet, Spencer couldn't help but occasionally think about Zac and wonder how he was doing. She wondered if the divorce had gone through and how well his pride had come out. She even, on rare occasions that she liked to pretend didn't exist, wondered how things might have worked out differently if Zac had been single.

But there was no point in dwelling on any of that, she told herself. It was over. He was gone. Life was back to whatever semblence of normal that she could manage.

Over a year had passed since she last saw Zac, and this time she had opted to teach summer classes in addition to taking one of her own. It would keep her busy – she had nearly gone stir crazy sitting in their apartment all day the previous summer – and help her get a bit closer to graduation. The classes stretched out through the entire summer, ending in late July. After teaching her final class of the short semester, Spencer gathered her books together and walked out of the lecture hall for the last time for a few weeks.

On her walk across campus, she stopped to look at a bulletin board where students were allowed to post posters advertising whatever events they felt like. There were usually a few interesting poetry readings and things going on that she could attend to kep her mind busy. She glanced over the board and found her eyes drawn to one poster in particular. It wasn't just the bright colors, but one of the faces on it.

Zac fucking Hanson, Spencer said to herself.

So she hadn't gotten away from him quite yet. She felt in the pocket of her sundress for her cell phone, as if Zac might call just that very second. It did not ring and for that she was thankful. She doubted, however, that it would remain silent for however long he was in town.

As she continued to stare at the poster, she realized that the concert was in just over a week. Still time to get tickets, she thought, then chided herself for it. She was absolutely, positively, not going to go see him in concert again. It was just asking for trouble.

Then again, if he truly was divorced, what would it hurt? With that justification in mind, Spencer committed to concert date and location to mind and decided to see if Abbey could get them a good deal on tickets.

Durign the following week, Spencer could not, no matter how much she tried, muster up the courage to ask Abbey about tickets. It embarrassed her too much to admit that she actually wanted to see Zac again, and so she tried her best to put him out of her mind and pretend that he wouldn't be in her city in just a few days time.

This plan did not account for what she might do if he called. The best she could figure out was that she would just have to ignore his call and try to save what little bit of dignity she liked to pretend she still had.

With classes over, she once again resumed her old familiar routine of sitting around the apartment and brooding. She was doing just that one day when Abbey stormed in, clutching something suspiciously behind her back.

"What are you doing?" Spencer asked, raising at eyebrow at her roomate's behavior.

Abbey tried unsuccessfully to stifle a smile. "Well... my job, mostly. But also, I thought I'd try my hand at playing matchmaker."

"Matchmaker?" Spencer repeated after her, incredulous.

Abbey nodded, finally pulling her hands out from behind her back as she plopped down on the couch next to Spencer. She could see immediately what her roommate had been hiding. Concert tickets.

"Don't tell me we're going to see –"

"Hanson again?" Abbey grinned. "Okay, I won't tell you."

Somehow, despite the fact that she had hoped for this very thing, Spencer couldn't quite find it in herself to be very happy about the concert now that it was a reality. She had a very bad feeling about the entire thing.

Three days later, on the morning of the concert, Spencer awoke to the sound of her cell phone, alerting her of a new text message. She tumbled out of bed to retrieve the phone from the floor, where it had evidently fallen when she came home from dinner and drinks with Abbey the night before.

She fumbled to open the phone and read the message, knowing even before she looked at the screen who it was from.

It was only eight in the morning, Spencer realized. Far earlier than she had planned to be awake. Nevertheless, she typed a reply to Zac.

Spencer stood and hurried into the shower without waiting for a reply. She didn't know how long it would be before Zac could actually make it there. Abbey had left the restaurant with one of their guy friends and likely wouldn't be back for several hours, so Spencer would have at least a little bit of time alone with Zac. She didn't actually know how busy he might be the day of a concert, but she imagined quite busy.

She showered and dressed as quickly as possible, and was just towelling off her hair when she heard a knock at the door. There was no doubt in her mind who it could be. Taking a deep breath to calm her nerves and hopefully still her trembling, she walked to the door and opened it.

Just as she expected, there stood Zac, a sheepish grin on his face.

"You cut your hair."

Spnecer felt a bit silly for saying the obvious, but she could think of nothing else to say. He smiled and she stepped aside to let him into the apartment.

"Yeah, I did," he said with a nod. "I did. I guess I've changed a bit since last year."

"I guess I haven't," Spencer mumbled to herself. To Zac, she said, "Well, come on in and make yourself comfortable. The couch is comfier than it looks, you can chill there. I figured I'd make us some french toast?"

"I can help," Zac replied, following Spencer into the kitchen.

Spencer spun around to tell him that wasn't necessary, and found him only inches from her.

"Zac –" she gasped out. "You really don't have to do that. I imagine you're tired, what with touring and all. Just sit on the couch and I'll take care of breakfast, okay?"

Zac looked as though he might protest, but finally nodded and walked back to the couch. Spencer kept her eyes on him as she dug out the ingredients for their breakfast. He made himself perfectly at home on her couch, even though it was the first time he'd ever set foot in the apartment. She had to admit that he did even look at home there, his feet propped up on her coffee table as he flipped through channels on the television.

"Do I need to keep the volume down? Will I wake your roommate up?" he asked. "Sorry it's so early, but I wanted to see you and I didn't want to waste any time."

"No, she's not here," Spencer replied, cracking a few eggs into a bowl. "She's with one her boytoys. And don't worry about it, really. I'm used to getting up pretty early for classes."

It was somewhat of a lie, but Spencer was okay with an early morning that had brought Zac to her. Until she saw him there, she didn't realize just how much she had missed him. With the toast coated in egg, she tossed the slices into a frying pan and quickly grabbed a few glasses to fill with orange juice.

"Zac? Do you want a drink? Some juice?" she asked. "I can add a little vodka if you'd like; I'm sure we have some."

He smiled as he stepped toward the kitchen to retrieve his drink. "That'd be perfect. No vodka this time."

Taking the glass from her, he sat down on one of the barstools. Spencer turned her back to him and turned her attention back to the toast, which had nearly burnt while she multitasked.

"So what have you done for the last year?" Spencer asked as she flipped the toast.

Zac sighed loudly. "Well... a lot, really. We put out a new album and we're on tour to promote that now. I guess you knew about that?"

Spencer nodded, turning around to hand him a plate piled high with just slightly burnt french toast. She never did claim to be a good cook, but she always enjoyed the process anyway.

"Yeah, believe it or not, my roommate got us tickets again. So, I was going to see you today, one way or another."

Zac smiled, his hand brushing against hers as he took the plate, "Well, I'd rather see you this way."

"Me too," Spencer said, sitting down at the bar stool across from him with her plate. She pushed the butter and maple syrup across the counter to him with a smile.

Zac chewed his food carefully and slowly, and Spencer could tell that he was contemplating his next words, choosing them very carefully.

"The truth is... the last year has been pretty tough for me. I haven't been alone since I was 15, you know? I've never lived on my own, never had only myself to answer to, never had to deal with anything like that," Zac finally said. When he stopped, he took a deep breath and it was obvious that it had taken a lot out of him to admit all that. "It's been tough, to say the least."

Spencer reached across the countertop and took his shaking hands in hers. He looked so nauseous that she wasn't sure he'd even be able to finish the heaping plate of food she'd made for him, but that was okay. She just wanted to comfort him – whether it was with food or anything else, it didn't really matter. She just needed to see that he was going to be okay. That was really why she'd accepted the invitation to see him, and it pained her now to realize that he was still struggling to get his life in some kind of order.

"It's always tough to remember who you are all alone when a relationship ends. That's tough for everyone, and it's gotta be tough after eight years," Spencer said.

Zac nodded. "I know. I see you haven't stopped being always right."

"Nope, I sure haven't," Spencer said with a smile. "But don't you want to be you? Don't you want to know who that is and really be him?"

"Yeah," Zac said, slowly beginning to return her smile. "Yeah, I guess I do. It's just tough. I'm pretty sure whoever I am, he was not cut out for making dinner and doing laundry."

Spencer laughed. "Well, you'll figure that stuff out, too. Honestly, I think it was the little stuff like that my dad had the most trouble with when my parents got divorced. You get so used to having someone there that everything just seems different and foreign. But you're a smart guy, you'll figure things out. You'll be a master chef before you know it."

"Mmm, maybe. But I doubt I'll be able to outdo your french toast," Zac said, scooping a large piece of toast into his mouth. "So what about you?"

"What about me?" Spencer asked with a shrug, quickly taking a bit of food to delay saying anything else.

"I mean, what have you done since the last time I saw you?"

Spencer hadn't thought about that summer for a long time. She had tried to push all those feelings out of her mind, but suddenly they were all bubbling back up to the surface and she didn't like it. Her stomach started to turn and she took a long, deep breath in the hopes that the feeling would soon pass.

"Well, my life is pretty boring, really. I'm getting closer to being Dr. Spencer Kerr, thank you very much, but other than that? Eat, sleep, grade papers. That's all I do."

It was the truth. Important things were still left out, but everything she had said was true. The rest of the truth, he still did not need to know.

"That's all? Oh come on, I'm sure your life is more interesting than that. Not that that's all boring. It's totally foreign to me, actually. Especially the sleep part," Zac said, punctating his statement with a well timed yawn.

Spencer pushed her plate away, her appetite completely gone. "I bet you don't get a lot of sleep on tour. That'd be hell on me. I need tons of sleep."

"Oh, I sleep a ton when I'm not on tour, but when I am? There's just no time. But..." he trailed off, a silly grin on his face.

"But what?"

Pushing his plate away and leaning back to stretch, Zac said, "Well... if you don't have anything to do today, I've got a few hours before I'll be missed... how comfy is your bed?"

"It's incredibly comfy," Spencer replied, a wry grin on her face. "Tends to be even better with company."

"You've won me over," Zac replied with a huge smile, standing up and stretching again.

She scooped up their plates and dumped them in the sink, deciding to leave the cleaning until after Zac had gone. If she had him here, she was going to spend as much time with him as she could. Without a word, she ushered Zac out of the kitchen and down the hallway to her bedroom. She could feel his body heat on her as he followed close behind her, close enough she could almost feel his breath.

She flung her bedroom door open and frowned at the mess, but Zac did not seem to notice. He walked past her and straight for the bed, which he fell onto while simultaneously flinging off his shoes. Spencer had to giggle a little at the picture of it. She felt almost like a proud parent, seeing Zac so comfortable and at ease around her, when a year ago he had often seemed so timid and awkward. She felt a little weird taking credit for it, but the pride and happiness won out.

"You're right. This is comfy," Zac said with a contented smile as he lay on top of the rumpled covers.

Spencer looked down at her clothes – a simple cotton romper – and contemplated for a moment before deciding to join Zac just as she was. She climbed onto the bed and curled up beside him, tugging on the covers a bit even though she knew she'd not really be using them.

"Oh come on, now. It's too hot to be all covered up." He tugged the covers from her hands and tossed them aside, bringing himself closer to her body as he did so.

Spencer could feel Zac's heartbeat beginning to race as he grew nearer to her and her own did the same. She struggled to keep her breathing steady and stay calm, but she couldn't. He looked and seemed like almost an entirely different person, yet he was not, and he still had the same effect on her body in spite of her mind.

"Can I be honest with you?"

Spencer grinned as she replied, "I don't know, can you?"

Zac returned her smile, then looked down. Spencer couldn't help noticing that he could no longer hide behind his hair as he had before, but the habit remained.

"I didn't really come here to take a nap."

"Well, there's nothing stopping you from having a nap after..."

"After?"

"I'm smarter than I look," Spencer said as lightly as she could. "I know why you came here. If I hadn't wanted that, it's easy enough to ignore your texts."

"Is it that easy to ignore me?" Zac asked. The words were cocky but his tone seemed truly inquisitive.

"No," Spencer admitted. "Not really. You should know that by now."

"I guess I do," Zac replied, his voice nearly a whisper.

He stopped the conversation by pressing his lips gently against Spencer's. The kiss felt like a question, almost as thought he were asking permission. Spencer granted it, parting her lips to deepen the kiss.

Zac broke away from the kiss for just a moment. "Now, it's been a while but I'm pretty sure I remember how this goes."

Spencer chuckled softly against the side of Zac's face, enjoying the feeling of his hands running across her exposed flesh. She ran her hands across his back, then slowly up and down his chest. She needed to remember how he felt, readjust to the curves and contours of his body. It was familiar but different and she wondered if he felt the same way about hers.

Not wanting her rexploration to end there, Spencer tugged on the hem of Zac's shirt until he took the hint and placed his hands over hers. They worked in tandem to pull the shirt over his head. Once it had been tossed off the bed, Zac's lips found their way back to Spencer's neck and she wiggled around to undo the ties that held her outfit together. Zac pushed the outfit's now untied straps off her shoulders and kissed each new inch of skin revealed to him.

His lips traveled down to her breasts, where he came to rest for a moment and catch his breath. He cupped her breasts in his hands gently and glanced back up. Spencer couldn't have resisted his soft eyes if she'd wanted to, and she'd thought about this long enough to be quite certain she did not want to resist at all.

"I'm not going to stop you."

Zac's only response was a smile. His fingers danced on down her sides, taking her romper with them, until it was only a crumpled heap of material at the foot of the bed. He slid his hand across her panties, pressing against the thin material where wetness was just beginning to gather. Spencer couldn't help the way her hips moved to bring him closer to truly touching her, even though the satin still seperated them.

"You don't really need these, do you?" Zac asked, tugging on the waistband of her panties. Without waiting for an answer, he slid them down her legs, raising her legs just over his shoulders to completely free her from the panties. He wasted no time crawling back onto her body, his hands and mouth finding their way to the newly revealed piece of flesh. Spencer curled her legs around his back and tangled her hand in his hair as she watched him move more confidently than she expected. She liked this new Zac.

Spencer closed her eyes gently and let herself be washed away in the feeling of it. She revelled in being able to so easily turn control over to Zac's expert ministrations. She was able to empty her mind and think of nothing but the pleasure threatening to overtake her body completely. She tensed and tightened her grip on Zac's hair as she felt her orgasm building and building. She came with a long shudder, causing Zac to glance up at her with a smile in his eyes.

He crawled up her body and she only realized then that he was still partially dressed while she lay naked and entirely exposed. Determined to change that, Spencer took hold of Zac's belt and struggled to free him from it. With a chuckle, he took the hint and placed his hands over hers to speed up the process, kicking his pants off into the floor.

"Anxious for something?" he asked with a half grin.

"I haven't seen you for over a year; what do you think?"

Zac bit his lip but did not reply. Instead, he only lifted Spencer's legs and positioned himself to enter her. He lingered in that position for a moment, their eyes locked. Spencer did not know what he was searching for in her eyes, but after a time he seemed satisified that he had found it, and shifted his hips to close the last little inch between their bodies.

As he began to move on top of her, Zac sighed. Spencer almost thought of it as a moan, but was quite certain it was more of a sigh. Like he was relieved. She realized that she felt the same way. It felt like coming back home, in a way, to feel him over her again, his chest pressing against hers as he found just the right rhythm for their bodies.

It was in that moment Spencer realized he no longer wore a wedding band around his neck. She was annoyed with herself for even noticing and reminding herself of how they had begun. She squeezed her eyes shut and willed her mind to empty itself again.

It did not work. As long as their chests were pressed together, Spencer could feel the conspicuous absence of that little reminder of their infidelity. Desperate to clear her mind and enjoy herself, she opened her eyes and gave Zac a smile, taking his shoulders in her hands.

"Want to try something a little different?"

Zac raised an eyebrow, but his confused expression faded as Spencer gave his shoulders a firm shove and flipped their bodies over. Now on top, she sat up and found her own rhythm, squeezing her legs tight against his. His sighs turned to breathy moans as Spencer increased her pace.

Spencer couldn't help smiling as she felt Zac begin to tremble beneath her. He grasped her hips and thrusted upwards to match her pace, their movements becoming frenzied. Spencer was overcome with a second orgasm, even stronger than the first, while she watched Zac writhing beneath her as he came.

She collapsed onto his chest, no longer caring about wedding bands or lack thereof.

"I missed that," Zac gasped out. "I missed you."

Spencer hid her blush by taking the opportunity to climb off of Zac and lay beside him, her face half obscured by her hair. She couldn't bring herself to agree so openly, but managed to nod her head and say, "Yeah."

Zac sighed and closed his eyes. Spencer couldn't help just looking up at him with something akin to awe as his breathing slowed and he fell asleep. She was somewhat surprised at how easily he fell asleep, but she knew he must have been tired from being on the road. He needed a litle break, and she only felt slightly used for providing that break to him.

The longer she watched him, Spencer found her own eyelids growing heavy. She tried to fight it at first and continued her staring contest with Zac's gorgeous full lips, but in the end she lost the fight and the contest. She slept peacefully, if not deeply, and didn't dream of anything at all except how wonderfully warm and comfortable it felt to lay in Zac's arms.

She awoke some time later and smiled when she saw Zac that had not even stirred. He looked peaceful and content and she could not bring herself to wake him. Judging by the clock, he still had a few more minutes to rest before he needed to leave. She carefully extracted herself from his embrace and redressed herself as quietly as possible. With one last look at the sleeping boy in her bed, she padded down the hallway to the bathroom and started to make herself a bit more presentable. She would be meeting Abbey for lunch soon, before heading on to Zac's concert, and she did want to look nice, as silly as it seemed.

As she stood in front of the mirror trying to smooth her unruly hair down, she heard the faint sound of her cell phone ringing. It sounded like Abbey's ringtone, no doubt calling to see how late she was running.

"Spencer?" Zac's still-sleepy voice called out. "I think that's your phone..."

Spencer poked her head out of the bathroom. "Can you find it for me? I think it's on my desk under some clutter. Abbey will probably have left a voicemail by the time you dig it out."

"No problem," Zac replied.

The phone stopped ringing shortly after, while Spencer continued to work the flat iron through her hair. She figured in a few minutes Zac would locate it and bring it to her in the bathroom, but when she heard nothing but silence, she decided to go see if he was having trouble.

"Zac?" Spencer asked as she walked down the hall. "Did you find it? It likes to hide from me."

He did not reply. Spencer pushed open her bedroom door and found Zac standing over her desk with a clump of papers in his hand and a strange expression on his face.

"Zac?"

He turned his head to Spencer and she saw a mixture of sadness and anger across his face.

"What's this?" He said, his voice strangely calm in spite of his face.

Spencer took a few steps closer to him, but she had a feeling she already knew what he he held in his hand. She cursed herself for still having those papers on her desk after a year. He must have dug deep to find her phone, which she realized he was holding in his other hand.

"Well, I could tell you it isn't what it looks like, but I don't think you'd believe that any more than I did last summer..."

Zac's hand trembled as he held the papers out in front of him. "Did you really... I mean, Planned Parenthood, Spencer? Does that really mean what I think it means?"

"What else could it mean?" Spencer asked, surprised to watch Zac fumble to find the right words. All his confidence from earlier in the day seemed to have left him.

"It means you didn't even tell me about..." Zac trailed off. "Was it even mine?"

"Oh, that's fucking rich," Spencer spat, ripping the papers from Zac's hand and storming out of the room. She didn't know where she was going, but she needed to be away from him. Much to her frustration, he followed closely behind her as she stomped to the living room.

"Why?" Zac asked, taking Spencer by the arm and spinning her around to face him. "I think I have a right to know if you killed my child."

"Our child," she corrected him. "If you can even call it that after just a couple weeks. And yes, I'm positive it was yours."

Zac collapsed onto the couch. "And you didn't even tell me? How could you?"

"How could I?" Spencer stared down at him, aghast. "In case you've forgotten, you were married! And I was already enough of a homewrecker. I didn't need to end up end the tabloids for demanding child support from Zac fucking Hanson."

"Sure, just let me take all the blame for you deciding to sleep with me even though you knew I was married," Zac replied.

"You need to leave," Spencer replied, shaking. "Get your pants and get the fuck out of my apartment."

"Just admit that you knew what you were doing, and then you fucking lied to me about my own goddamn child," Zac said, standing and leering angrily down at Spencer.

"I didn't lie. I just... didn't tell you."

"It's the same thing. Either way, you killed our child and I didn't even get to know about it," Zac said, then turned to walk down the hall.

It was Spencer's turn to chase him this time. She followed him into her bedroom and stood in the doorway, fuming, as he finished dressing. "You don't get to tell me what I can do with my body, Zac. You ought to have the sense to know that having your bastard child is the worst thing I could have done. So I'm sorry that I made that choice without your input, but my choice would have been the same regardless."

Zac spun around to face her, now looking more sad than angry. "Maybe you're right."

"Maybe I am and maybe I'm not," Spencer replied. "But it's over. I can't undo it. I made the choice and I've got to live with way more of the repercussions than you do."

"But still..." Zac began, shaking his head as he walked toward Spencer. "It's not fair to keep something like that from me. I don't like it. I don't like knowing that you did that. I don't know if I can look at you and not think about the child we might have had."

"Then don't look at me."

"You really want me to leave?" Zac asked, eyes wide.

"Yes. I do." Spencer stepped back from the doorway. "Please just get out. It's obvious you think less of me for this, when I didn't judge you for choosing my company over your wife's. You've proven what I already knew – we're not meant to be. So just leave, please, and let me go on with my life."

Zac nodded. "Fine. Fine, I'll leave. I guess you're right. It was stupid of me to come back here when obviously I mean nothing to you. I'll just fuck off now so you can be happy."

Spencer backed herself against the wall and let Zac walk by. She felt her legs grow weak as he got further and further away and she couldn't find any more words to say to stop him. She couldn't honestly tell him he meant nothing, but it was obvious to her that even if it were possible, they could never be anything together. They were too different.

Yet, as he stood at the door staring back at her, his eyes pleading with her to speak, she did not truly want him to go. She took a few shaky steps down the hall, then thought better of it and simply stood awkwardly staring back at him.

"Am I ever going to see you again?" Zac asked.

"Do you really want to?"

Zac lowered his head and, his voice barely above a whisper, replied, "I don't know."

"Then I guess you won't," Spencer said, focusing all her strength on keeping her legs steady and her voice as emotionless as possible.

"Well," Zac said, looking up and clearing his throat. "Goodbye, Spencer."

With that, he walked out the door without another look. Spencer feared that if he had looked back at her, his eyes sad and on the verge of tears, she would have run to him and demanded he stay. But she had to let him go. She knew, more than ever, that they could never truly be together.

From where it had fallen on the couch, her cell phone began to ring again. She rushed to answer it, not even needing to look at the screen to know it was Abbey.

"About the concert tonight, Abs. I don't think I'm going to go."

"Oh no..." Abbey said, not seeming fazed at all by Spencer's lack of greeting. "He came by, didn't he?"

"Yeah," Spencer said with a sigh, falling onto the couch and curling up into a little ball. She couldn't hold back the tears anymore, even though she hated herself more for each one that fell.

"How bad was it?"

Spencer sniffled. "Bad."

"Fuck the concert," Abbey said. "I'll bring home ice cream, okay?"

"Okay. I'll see you later?"

"Yup," Abbey replied. "Whatever he said or did, you know you'll be okay, right Spence?"

"Yeah, I know," Spencer replied.

She knew it was a lie, and she was certain Abbey knew it too. But it was a lie she needed to tell herself. If she couldn't convince Zac of how wrong they were for each other and how this had to be the last time, she could at least convince herself.